Blog

6-29-2002

» Reflections

I had a good workout before shower. I ate well after I’m cleaned up and relaxed. I was able to talk to Rico for a bit. He was awaked for a change. I was about to go take a nap when an Officer ask if I wanted to go to Walk Alone yard. I was surprised since I’m assigned to 2 yard. I decided to go since I’ve been cooped up for two weeks without fresh air.

It was beautiful outside. I was in the cage by myself. I talked to PT for the whole time I was out there. We had a good conversation. I was wonderful to breathe in some fresh air. I was lucky to be in the right cage to get some sunshine on my body. It felt good. The cage was just part of my reality at the time. I don’t think about it and let it restrict my moment of living. It’s all part of the survival skill.

I kicked back and read the newspapers. I read a little bit of Romeo and Juliet. I like to recite the part where Romeo talks to Juliet under her window.

The night is almost over. I’m ready for tomorrow. I shaved today, but it’s not clean. The razor didn’t do the work. Oh well.

 

6-28-2002

» Reflections

The long anticipated ICC hearing is here. I waited in the cage with my prepared written statement. Associate Warden W was the head of ICC. I stated that I have not received the 72 hours notice. Counselor E sworn that he handed me the notice personally. I insisted that I did not receive any paperwork. He then said he gave it to an Officer to give the notice to me. I did not get it. A.W. W looked in my C-file and found the notice. It made Mr. E looked like a fool. Instead of postponing the hearing, I decided to sign the waiver since I was prepared. I had a chance to read my statement and turned it over to CCII H. A.W. W said ICC did not violate my right of due process because the warden saw me, but it was postponed. They did violate my right since they didn’t review me. When I said ICC violated my right to be outside of my cell to exercise, A.W. W said, “I know.” I hope my 602 will wind at the end. These people are violating my right. I was told I will be retained in Ad Seg pending the completion of the investigation. I’ll be in Ad Seg for awhile. I want to feel regret, but I just have to go with the flow. There is a purpose for everything.

I help “Little” with his statement for board.

I read the newspaper for the night, A sent me a postcard before she left for business and vacation. She knows what happened and wants to know more. She hinted that G might come visit me. I don’t have much to say when I see her. I appreciate her concern.

I’m set to stay here for awhile.

 

6-27-2002

» Reflections

I got up early to exercise. Maybe I was working out on an empty stomach, I felt a little dizzy after awhile. I listened to my body and stopped. I had an all right workout.

My neighbor has a lot of endurance. He was doing all kinds of exercises for a long period of time.

I studied my Spanish for awhile. I need to put more time into it. I haven’t start writing creatively.

G dropped by to say hi. He told me Mike is in new Folsom SHU (Security Housing Unit.) I’m not sure how true that is. He said there was an article in the Marin Independent Journal on SQ’s racist segregation policy. That probably helped speed up his transfer. !Que lastima! I hope all is well with him. He should because he has a strong will. G said Rico’s going to committee tomorrow and that he should get release back to mainline. I hope so.

I received a note from C saying that B will probably come visit me this Saturday or sometime this week. I hope she knows that she has to make an appointment to come up. I wrote him back and sent him the AG’s request for another extension. I can’t believe those people.  They can’t get any witnesses to defend themselves, but they’ll keep trying and dragging the whole process. I hope C will file an opposition to the Ex Parte for extension.

I received my copy of the motion for relief. I hope the judge will rule on my motions soon and help me out. There was no law library for Carson section today. So I couldn’t make any copies. I wrote a letter to AR and kept her updated. What else can I say? I didn’t write to Yuri cause I didn’t know what to say. Maybe I’ll do it next week.

I’ve been eating a lot. Maybe I’ll gain some muscle. I haven’t been to the yard at all since I got here. I don’t miss it. I can hang staying in the cell, but that’s not healthy. I need some fresh air. I have to be ready mentally for ICC tomorrow. Hopefully things will turn around for me.

 

6-26-2002

» Reflections, Writing

As I was taking a nap after breakfast, I heard the PA called Mike’s name to “packing it up, you’re out of here.” I was wondering if he’s leaving the unit or being transferred. After some deductive reasoning, I came up with two possibilities. One, he’s moving to East Block; two, he’s being transfer. After waiting for about fifteen minutes, Mike told me he’s transferring. He told me to stay focus and send his best to Rico. All I said was okay. I didn’t have any special feelings after knowing that he’s leaving. I wished I could have said more, but it wasn’t there. Normally I would probably feel a sense of loss because I’m here by myself. I might never see him again or speak to him again. I don’t know why I didn’t feel anything. My mind stayed peaceful. Could this be the start of a new beginning in my life? Only time will tell. I sat down and mediated. I asked the benevolent Guan Yin to protect Mike and his family. I prayed for all my friends and their families. I prayed for myself and my family. Then I breathe. I was sitting comfortably for awhile. It helped.

I received my canteen order. Now I have plenty of everything. Life goes on.

I received a letter from another supportive stranger for my parole situation. SB wrote a very honest and heartfelt letter. She introduced herself to me and encouraged me to have faith. She’s a born again Christian. She has had a difficult life as a drug addict and prostitute. She said Jesus saved her. She read my story and felt the need to write to me in support. I wrote her back and thanked her kind gesture. I offered her to write to me if she wants. I don’t mind getting to know her better. So far I have received two letters from strangers and one from an old acquaintance.

I wrote a letter to J about fishing. I haven’t heard from her in two weeks. I’m sure she’s fine, but I would like to hear from her. Our relationship is slowing down because of the long distance.  I have no control of that. I’m grateful for what we have. No pressure. No expectation.

I got a letter from the AG (Attorney General) asking for another extension on the Return. What is taking so long to get the necessary papers if they have them? They have nothing to justify their illegal actions. I hope the judge doesn’t grant the extension. I’ll send a copy to C tomorrow.

I haven’t heard from Mom yet. Hopefully the letter’s on the way. I’m not worry worried. It would be better to know that the family’s all right.

Mike’s departure is not as dramatic as I thought it would be. I’ll miss him. Can’t believe he’s laying on a bed in new Folsom already.

I haven’t heard from Rico. I hope he’s all right. It must be tough for him in some ways. I feel for his family. This is the price we pay to fight for justice and what is right.

No exceptions.

 

6-25-2002

» Reflections, Writing

The day went by quickly in a sense that it seems like I’m in a different time zone. In many ways life in Ad Seg (Administrative Segregation) is operating in an abnormal way. A person’s mind will get break in and adopt to the working of the new environment after the first initial shock. I was mentally prepared and desensitized so I was able to embrace the situation. I haven’t been dwelling into the present and what might be in stored in the future. It could sound like I’m in denial. Maybe in a small way, but I’m not. I didn’t want to think about the unknown and speculate too much. I choose to go with the flow.

I had a productive workout in the afternoon. I need to keep it up. It helps my mind to stay focus.

I received a postcard from C. He requested my authorization to file a group 602. I appreciate his help. I wrote him back and gave him a quick update. Hopefully the court will appoint him to represent me soon.

B sent me a Weekly along with some wisdom. She spoke about making compromises as a socially aware person. She’s concerned about my well being. She wants to see me get out of prison and make a more effective impact in society. I was thinking the same topic before I received her letter. I wrote her and expressed my appreciation. I need to have a dialogue with her and others about the “compromise” topic. Deep inside I know what I feel and need to do. I just need to crystallize it and start moving forward. I hope I will be able to overcome this present struggle and come out victorious. Then I can utilize my discipline and work toward my parole and get out of prison.

I received a copy of the latest motion from the court. It was a duplicate one I sent, but without my signature. I hope the court will rule on my motions soon and help me end this forced retreat.

I did some reading and went to sleep.