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Quarter Century Flashback

» Reflections

Tonight I attended San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee’s invitation only inauguration dinner. Some of the noticeable people there were: Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi, Senator Diane Feinstein, Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsome, Mayor Willie Brown, Mayors from Los Angeles and Atlanta, members of the Board of Supervisors and MC Hammer. Though I felt honor to be a part of the celebration, I didn’t feel like I belong there.

As I sat at the table and enjoying the live music being played, I found myself slipped into a zone. I realized today is the 25th anniversary of my crime. How fast time has passed and how long the pain has lasted! My apology to the victims of my crime will not change what had happened. However, I am sorry for the poor decision that I made that inflicted a lifetime of pain and suffering to  the victims. Somehow and someway I hope time will ease the pain for those who are still suffering. I can only continue to pay forward and not take anything for granted.

Life is full of possibilities.

 

1-7-2003

Yard was cancelled due to the need to search in A.C. (Adjustment Center) and East Block. A cop lost a plastic letter opener. It’s stupid.

I was woken up at 2:30 am by the Officers. They had a cell extraction on A (my neighbor.) I was escorted to the hospital to wait in the cage. When I walked through C-section door, the light from the camera was pointed at my face. (The Officers uses video camera to record the process of extraction due to lawsuits filed on them.) I learned more about the extraction process. I went back to my cell around 3:10am. A was sprayed with OSC pepper spray. He was laughing because he got what he wanted – move to East Block. I could smell the pepper spray and it was choking me. I can still smell it now when I get close to the bars. I’ll write about it.

I got my sleep in the morning. I went to the library. I didn’t get my legal mail. I talked to L for a minute and said hi to S, Mr. B and ER. The guardian had to leave early so I only chatted with him a few minutes. I was quiet in the library. I read about DK’s story in the Chronicle newspaper. E told me J was featured in Sunday’s paper. They’re trying to get out too.

I received a letter from E. That’s good. I wrote her back and asked her to write the support letter and sign a petition. I got a letter from LA’s detention ministry. I wrote B a short letter and asked her to come see me. Let’s see how she reacts.

I did a little review on Statistic. I’ll start a new lesson tomorrow. It’s been an exciting day. I want to write, but I’ll wait. I pray that the Court of Appeal will reverse Judge A’s decision on my transfer. The lawyer took care of my writ and gave me advice on what needs to be done.

May I prevail in my fight for freedom and in the First Amendment issues. All glory to the creator. May my family and friends are well.

1-6-2003

» Reflections

My neighbor boarded up his cell from the inside so the Officers can’t open his cell. He wants out of C-section so this is his way out. The Officers attempted to open the door, but couldn’t. Instead of cell extract him, they decided to leave him alone. I think they were sure that he wouldn’t hurt himself. It’s a big gamble, but they don’t care, I guess. He refused his dinner tray. He’ll try to take this stand until they move him or until he changes his mind. I gave him a couple of soups so he won’t go hungry.

I tried studying my course on Statistic, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. I need to get discipline and do it. I’m wasting time.

I sent J some food, but he ended up going back to the mainline at night. Officer J called me to move just to mess with me. He wanted me to get out the hole. I appreciate that. I knew it was a joke.

I received a letter from J dated 12/10. She’s clear about her plan with ZY. She’ll leave him in May and come back to Cali. Her parents are worried because they don’t know her plan. She’ll have a different time leaving, but not as difficult as ZY. They went Shanghai for a few days. J has travelled a bit in China. I didn’t write anymore. I wrote to J for a little. I’ll send the letter to her in the next day or two.  I should get more mail tomorrow.

I’m reading the mystery book by Lisa Garner. I like it.

I ate two fishes tonight courtesy of B. He treats me well these days.

I’m in limbo and don’t know my status in Ad Seg. It’s all about one day at a time. God bless me.

1-5-2003

» Reflections

I’m writing, but I’m not writing how I really feel most of the times. I’m afraid that someone will read it and use it against me. That is the control I allowed “these people” to have over me. Then why do I continue to write? Maybe it’s because I want to record something for memory. Maybe it’s a ritual that helps me past my time. Maybe I just want to act like I’m writing something important. I realized how much we live in lies all the time. Everything can be distorted. Truth could be lies and good could be bad.

My neighbor shared with me what he believes. It’s something I never knew. How much of what he wrote was the truth? I also got him to write down all the different medications people ingest here. I will write about it.

There was fog line so we went to the yard late at around 9:30. It was a beautiful day. It was warm with the sun. I felt sucked up after taking my clothes off. C and I did a quick workout. I was pumped. I wish I could be out there longer.

T hooked up a spread at night. It’s cool. I will eat the leftover in the morning.

I wrote to KW and told him about my writes and what I want from him. I don’t like the way he’s handling my case. I may have to fire him. I’ll wait and see what’s best for me.

I didn’t study. I wanted to, but I couldn’t get motivated. I goofed around and the day is over. I started reading a mystery thriller book. I talked to R about P’s work and my goals to help youth.

I was hoping for a visit, but no luck. I don’t’ feel attach to too many things and people these days. I can do another 10 years in the pen, but my parents can’t. That’s why I want to  push to go home this year. I want to and I’m going to go home this year.

1-4-2003

» Reflections

I thought today is Friday for a minute. It’s easy to lose track of time at times.

I received the lawyer’s notes and responded accordingly. I shot him some parole cases for reference.

I had a Luau by myself. It’s cool. I felt a little sore from yesterday. I wanted to study, but didn’t get to it. I read the Wall Street Journal. It’s cool to know the latest news.

No visit. Change my hair style by combing it back. Changed blankets. Sleeping early.

1-3-2003

» Reflections

The guy three doors down attempted to hang himself. He was saved just on time by an MTA (Medical Technical Assistant) who was passing out medication. If she hadn’t come along, I wonder if he would still be alive. I asked the Officer about his wellbeing. She said he’s fine physically. He’ll need some mental help. The Officers are supposed to check the cells periodically, but they don’t. Usually they’re gone after feeding. Tonight they didn’t even bothered to unlock the bar. The guy is only 23.

I went to the yard for some much needed fresh air. No visit. I walked around to get warm. C came out late. I thought he was transferred. My shoulder hurts so I didn’t want to do pushups. C, S and I did yoga, leg exercises, shoulder exercises and a Brown Eagle. I felt fainted afterward. I had to sit down. It’s been a couple of weeks since I exercised. I showered and caught the cold wind. I felt a fever coming on because my head and body were heated up.

I ate lunch and lay down briefly. I felt better after dinner. I got some mail from legal department. I got copies of my 115 writ. All issues are in the courts now. Let’s hope I’ll win. My lawyer took care of business. I appreciate all his work and encouragement.

G came by to say hi. We didn’t have much to talk. I had plenty to do in the cell. I hope things will work out for me soon.

Hope and faith, personal lies to keep me going. I’m ready for whatever. May the Gods be kind to my friends Mike, Rico and Liebb. Much blessings to my family and friends.