More on: Howard Zinn
Autobiography @ 33
Mar 07, 2011
» Poetry
I am 33 years old and breathin’
it’s a good year to die
to myself
I never felt such extreme peace
despite being mired in constant ear-deafening screams
from the caged occupants – triple CMS1, PCs2, gang validated,
drop-outs, parole violators, lifers,
drug casualties, three strikers,
human beings
in San Quentin’s 150 year old solitary confinement
I don’t want to start things over
@ 33
I am very proud of being who I am
I wrote a letter to a stranger who said
“You deserve to lose at least your youth,
not returning to society until well into middle age…â€
after reading an article about me in San Francisco Weekly
I told him
“A hundred years from now when we no longer exist on this earth of humankind the seriousness of my crime will not be changed or lessened. I can never pay my debt to the victims because I cannot turn back the hands of time…I will not judge you.â€
whenever I think about my crime I feel ashamed
I’ve lost my youth and more
I’ve learned that the more I suffer the stronger I become
I am blessed with great friends
I talk better than I write
because the police can’t hear my conversation
the prison officials labeled me a trouble maker
I dared to challenge the administration
for its civil rights violation
I fought for Ethnic Studies in the prison college program
I’ve been a slave for 16 years under the 13th Amendment
I know separation and disappointment intimately
I memorized the United Front Points of Unity
I love my family and friends
my shero Yuri Kochiyama and a young sister named Monica
who is pretty wanted to come visit me
somehow I have more female friends than male friends
I never made love to a woman
sometimes I feel like 16
but my body disagrees
some people called me a square
because I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs
I am a procrastinator but I get things done
I’ve never been back to my motherland
I started to learn Spanish
escribió una poema en español
at times I can be very selfish and vice versa
I’ve never been to a prom, concert, opera, sporting event
or my parents’ house
I don’t remember the last time I cried
I’ve sweat with the Native Americans, attended mass with the
Catholics, went to service with the Protestants, sat and chanted
with the Buddhists
my mind is my church
I am spoiled
in 2001 a young lady I love stopped loving me
it felt worse than losing my freedom
I was denied parole for the ninth time
I assured Mom that I will be home one day
after she pleaded me to answer her question truthfully
“Are you ever going to get out of prison?â€
the Prison Industrial Complex and its masters attempted to control my mind
it didn’t work
they didn’t know I’ve been introduced to Che, Yuri Kochiyama, Paulo Freire, Howard Zinn, Frederick Douglass, Assata Shakur, bell hooks, Maurice Cornforth, Malcolm X, Gandhi, George Jackson, Mumia, Buddha,
and many others…
I had about a hundred books in my cell
I was internalizing my politics
In 2000 I organized the first poetry slam in San Quentin
I earned my associate of art degree
something that I never thought possible
I’ve self-published a zine
I was the poster boy for San Quentin
some time in the ‘90s my grandparents died
without knowing that I was in prison
@ 30
I kissed Dad on the cheek and told him that I love him
for the first time
I’ve written my first poem
I called myself a poet to motivate me to write
because I knew poets would set us free
in 1998 I was granted parole
then it was taken away
the governor’s political career superseded my life
some time in the 90s
I participated in most of the self-help programs
in 1996 I really learned how to read and write
I read my first history book “A People’s History
of the United Statesâ€
my social conscious mind was awakened
in 1992 I passed my GED in Solano Prison
I learned how to take care of my body from ’89 to ‘93
in 1987 I turned 18 and went to the Pen from youth authority
the youngest prisoner in San Quentin’s
Maximum Security Prison
I was lucky people thought I knew kung fu
@ 16
I violated an innocent family of four and scarred them for life
money superseded human suffering
I was charged as an adult and sentenced to life
with a possibility
no hablo ingles
I wish I could start things over
I was completely lost
@ 12
I left Communist China to Capitalist America
no hablo ingles
I was spoiled
in 1976 I went to demonstrations against the Gang of Four
life was a blur from 1 to 6
on 5/29/69
I inhaled my first breath.
1 Correctional Clinical Case Management System Mental health condition of prisoners
2 Protective Custody of Prisoners