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“We are always told by adults what it is to be good and or be bad; yet we don’t realize that the environment that we live in creates a lot of those narratives….When we place education second to incarceration; that is what feeds the system.”
#FREEAMERICA is a multi-year campaign initiated by award-winning artist John Legend to amplify the growing movement to end mass incarceration.
As part of the #FREEAMERICA initiative, which will expand to include other artists and high-profile individuals committed to justice reform, John Legend will lead a listening and learning tour across the country visiting with incarcerated individuals, law enforcement, legislators, and experts who’ve been thinking critically about America’s prison problem.
Legend’s initiative will also seek to support and collaborate with the many pre-existing national and statewide coalitions and organizations committed to this work.
For more information on #FreeAmerica, click here.
BREATHIN’: The Eddy Zheng Story is coming to the Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival! Check out the screenings on April 22 and 25.
» Events, Media, Photos, Reflections
Happy new breath! Feeling so honored to premiere Breathin’ with so much community support at CAAMFest 2016.
Photos from CAAMFest 2016 at the Alamo Drafthouse at New Mission
Eddy Zheng and Director Ben Wang before the screening
Composer Scott “Chops” Jung signing the Breathin’ poster during our pre-screening meet-up/dinner
Cast and crew during Q&A
Eddy during Q&A post-premiere
Eddy poses with filmmaker Ben Wang, SF Police Commissioner Victor Hwang, SF Public Defender Jeff Adachi, and fellow activist Harrison Suega.
Breathin’ is given an Honorable Mention by CAAMFEST’s esteemed doc jury
Thirty year ago today, at the age of sixteen, I played judge and sentenced a family of four to a life sentence of trauma and suffering. As a result, the judge sentenced me to life in prison as an adult. I spent twenty-one years in prison, while my parents did twenty-one years with me in the “free world.” At the same time, I contributed to the violent statistics in the community.
We are never separated from the self, family and community.
I want to apologize to the family that I had harmed. I am sorry for the trauma I had inflicted on you. I had no rights to do so. I am forever grateful for the mother of the family for accepting the written apologies from me, my parents and community members.
It is timely that the film “Breathin’ – The Eddy Zheng Story” is completed as the country is focusing on criminal justice reform and de-carceration. Ben Wang and many people have created this space to highlight that transformation, redemption, and restorative justice are possible. My story is not just about me. It is about the narratives of many “Others” that do not have a voice to articulate the detrimental impact of the migration to the school-to prison-and-deportation pipeline.
I look forward to watching the film and engaging in dialogue with people on investing in solutions to mass criminalization, incarceration, deportation and dispelling the model minority myth.
In the meantime, I will continue to pay forward until the day I inhale my last breath.
Happy new breath…
K came visited as he told me last week. He showed up around 11 and left about 12:30. We met in East Block. I showed him my writs in the Supreme Court. He read through them and was impressed with the quality. After he looked over the 115 writ and the judge’s response, he thought that I should’ve started the rule violation issue without stating the retaliation. He felt the judge probably didn’t see the error. He suggested that I had the lawyer file an amended writ to focus on the 115 issue alone. I agreed with his logic. However, I didn’t want to do anything without talking to the lawyer. I asked him to arrange a meeting with the lawyer. He said he’ll do that. He gave me a draft of the statement of facts on the rescission writ. I don’t think he did much. He just wanted to show me something. He could’ve done better. He said he’ll have a better draft in two weeks. I hope so. I wrote to him and corrected some of the mistakes. He’ll need to get it done soon. We talked about my writs through the whole visit. He said he’ll email Sis about the doctor’s note on hardship.
The Sgt. Gave me a hard time about my notebook and pen holder. He’s a jerk. He commented, “is your attorney a cheapskate of what? No Hamburger, sodas?” He made me stripped.
D kept talking about going to war. He’s brainwashed.
I rested a little. Ma cooked lunch. I was full when dinner came. I received two legal mail; one stamped copy from Supreme Court, the other from Court of Appeals. I sent the Court of Appeals response to the lawyer.
Ma heard voices again. He was struggling for an hour. He didn’t want to call me because he thought he would bother me. I called him and he started sharing with me. He said he heard people telling him things and he responded and plead with them to leave him alone. He also heard cries good and bad things. He’s insecure and paranoid. He thought I want to get rid of him. He’s afraid that I would look down at him. He remembered most the things I told him. He kept thinking negatively. I had to talk to him for 2 hours before he clam down. I have to be careful what I say to him. He takes it to the extreme. He needs professional help, but they don’t provide help to him. He said when he asked questions and talked, the doctor only want to increase his dosage of medication. He needs one on one time with a consistent doctor daily or at less two times a week. I feel trapped by him because he expects me to be there anytime he calls me. I feel responsible to help him, but he’s too much for me. I don’t want to abandon him either. I need some tools to help him. I need psychology lessons.
May God help me to help him overcome his voices. Much strength to my friends M, R, and L.
I feel much better today after the morning nap. I had a dream that Ma was in my cell. Then the officers asked him to go back to his cell because they’re passing out canteen. I saw a big box and other canteen item outside my door. There’re some Pringle chips. I woke up as the officer got closer to my cell. I didn’t get my canteen this month. C/O T showed me that I didn’t fill out my cell number on one side of the ducate. I forgot. I only need some writing paper and blank envelopes. Ma gave me some chips and crackers. T gave me two bags of nacho chips. I have soups, beans and other goodies. I’m cool for the month.
I made lunch and shared it with Ma. G came by. He asked about Mike. I didn’t say much. He said Fr. M is retiring on June 1st. R is coming back to volunteer and Kairos was successful.
I shared my Spanish poem with C/O B. W told me he understands Spanish. He liked my poem. We talked about my chance of getting parole. He said I have no chance under Gray Davis because of the CCPOA. I showed him L’s situation. He doesn’t know everything. He passed out mail late. I got a Valentine’s Day card from M. It’s my only Valentine’s card so far. It made me happy she thought of me. I know I have a special spot in her heart. I wrote her a short letter to thank her. I got a tax paper from Ohio. It’s information dealing with IRS. I got the monthly Coastal Post.
I spent about 3 hours talking to Ma. He felt depressed and needed to talk to me. He hasn’t been able to talk to anyone about his true feelings. He opened up to me. I know he needs professional help. He needs a Chinese psychiatrist who can give him professional advices. I did the best I could to make him feel good about himself. His mental condition derived from abandonment, neglect, rejection, low self-esteem and being abused verbally all the time. He felt unwanted anywhere he goes. People in the prison have been mean to him and picked on him. He couldn’t get over that fear. He also hears voices from the guy he killed. The voice was pleading him to be compassionate to him. The voice also tells him to stand by the door. He always thinks other people are talking to him or about him. He felt someone’s looking at him. He wanted to make sure he’s not burdening me. I told him I’m here to help him. I took notes on his sharing with me. I was able to give him some advices to calm him down. He felt relief that he could talk to me and know what to do from now on. Garbage in, garbage out. I gave him the Buddhist posters. He’ll copy down the chants. I also gave him the Four Noble Truth and the Eight Fold Path. He’ll be all right if he can talk to a professional for a few months to work through his problems. It’s draining emotionally to listen to Ma because his experiences are so sad. It’s a test of patience for me. I felt obligated to help him. Also, I felt helpless. I hate it that CDC and the doctor would brush him off and only offer him heavier dosage of medication. May God look out after Ma. May he get well soon and be successful in turning his life around.
I got legal mail from the Ct of Appeal on the due process, mail and appeal writs. It has a good cause for review. I can’t get excited because so far, I have lost on everyone on the writ. If I get an OSC on it, that’s great. If not, we’ll take it to the next level.
It’s a humble feeling to get sick because the body is so helpless. I have to wait for the flu to go away on its own. I felt terrible all day due to the lack of energy. I went to the yard. It was nice out. I talked to P for a while about eh injustice in Ad Seg. He told me the bribery tactic used by the C/O. If I have a recorder I can report some horror stories and the CDC’s abusive of authority and prisoners’ rights. I walked around with S for a while and talked about ecstasy drug and rave. He knows a lot about that.
I felt light headed and dizzy after I got back to the cell. I took a nap and waited for law library. I mailed some letters and a book home to Mom.
I went the library and did some copying and research. I’m ready to do the 1983 lawsuit. I talked to the lawyer. He got all the issues in court. He got the letter today. I wonder why it took so long to get to him. I don’t want to get paranoid about that.
I wrote to Mom and asked her to send J the book. I put a letter to J in it. I wrote to A and told him not to worry about the book I had requested. The lawyer said it’s not helpful. I wrote to C and thanked him for writing the letter to the psyche.
Ma got a translator today when Dr. M interviewed him. I hope it’ll be consistent. I asked C to come see me so I can talk to him about filing for 1983. I went through some vocabularies with Ma. He said, “So that’s how he got the translator.” I feel tired so I’m sleeping early. Things are getting better. Ma’s mind is very fragile. I have to be careful what to say to him. He has a tendency to get paranoid. I’ve been successful in helping him so far.
May God keeps looking out for me.
I haven’t been sick like this in a long time. I went to sleep early last night. I took a Diphenhydramine for my sinus. However, my body experienced the chills and hot all night. I had dreams. My lower back’s hurting. I was tossing and turning. It was a rough night. I felt much better today.
I drank water and ate fruits. Ma’s insecurity and paranoia made him hear voices. He thinks people look down on him. He worries about what others thing of him. He has low self-esteem. He asked me if I thought he was a burden and look down on him. I had to reassure him that I’m here for him. I suggested that he do yoga and chant the mantra for of Goddess of Compassion. I know I can help him. I feel responsible and sympathetic to him.
I wrote a short letter to B. I wrote Anmol and gave him my thoughts on the function of the committee. He’ll like my inputs. I got some postage today. I talked to Ma for a while. He needs someone to talk to. I need to rest for another day before I can get better. Hopefully I’ll be well tomorrow. May the creator continued to bless me and my family.
When D told me that I have a visit at 9:30, I couldn’t believe it. I went out to the yard and talked to T. He showed me his 115 adjudication. It’s obvious that the Lieutenant fabricated statements to justify finding him guilty. He also received a 128G stating the reason why he’s to be locked up again. Officer M was upset that T was out of the hole. I asked him if he’s going to appeal the 115. He said yes, but he’s not doing anything until he goes to another prison. I told him he has t make sure he meets the time constraints and exhaust the administrative remedy. He has a different way of thinking. Though he told me that he’s innocent, I don’t believe him a hundred percent. He swore to God that he’s telling the truth, but he’s not a practicing Christian.
I taught Ma how to do the Sun Salutation. He’s slow, but he caught on after a while. He has a glazed look in his eyes. It was cold, but nice outside after the rain. It was a beautiful day for the anti-war march. I went to my visit at 9:25.
Roger was waiting when I got there. He was early. We talked about politics, family, friendship and work. He talks a lot so I listen. He taught me about the oil situation in Taiwan, China, Japan and the US. I had some good laughs. He’s thinking about quitting his job and finding another one. He has no time for himself. His Dad’s bday was on 2/14. He left at 11. I appreciate him.
I was lucky. I had 3 visits this week. What a blessing!
I have a cold. Somehow I caught it from someone. I think it’s Ma when I fish with him. I don’t feel well. I need to rest. I didn’t do anything, but slept in the afternoon. Ma woke me up and said he’s hearing voice. He said the voice told him to get out. He took a red pill. It’s the first time he heard voices since he been in Ad Seg. I had to talk to him and take his mind away from the present. We talked about our childhood in China. We chatted until dinner time. He felt better afterward.
I didn’t feel well physically, but I forced myself to listened and talk to Ma. I read the newspaper and ate and chatted with Ma some more. Big homie hooked me up with the legal fee. That’s cool. I don’t’ want to keep pestering him. I’m turning in early tonight. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow. May god look out for me.
I got up, did yoga, showered and at breakfast. I was expecting Anmol to come see me at 12:30. Ma moved in to 37. Now I can help him out more. We talked for a long time. He told me that he attempted to commit suicide for a few months after he was arrested. He couldn’t handle the time and started to hear voices. Since he’s been in the hole, he hasn’t been hearing voices. He feels better.
Anmol came late because he had to change his pants. It was a hassle by the Officer, always inconsistent in the dress code. We took advantage of our time. He asked lots of questions on what he should do with the Asian Prisoners Support Committee. I gave him my feedback. He mentioned that S felt that she’s not out getting the support from the people on Mike’s issue on segregation. I understand her frustration. Anmol said that people didn’t understand the issues and it’s hard to go to hearings on a weekday. Anmol told me about the chaotic situation outside with the war. He’s going to the march tomorrow. He thought about how we can get P to tape the radio commentary. He told me this Korean lady Ishle Yi Pak is involved in the committee. He had asked Bao Phi, a Vietnamese poet to perform in the event. He thought of his friend Victor Hwang, who is a lawyer and Yuri’s daughter. They can help me. Let’s see how that turns out. Anmol talks a lot. We had more time to dialogue. I appreciate his help and enthusiasm. I felt good about the future.
I wrote more to the lawyer and sent him my thoughts and update. I felt tired after dinner so I took a nap. It’s raining at night. The Chinese parade got wet. I didn’t do much except for talking to Ma. I pray that I’ll win in the courts soon. May my friends Liebb be healthy and alert. May my parents, family and friends be well. T got locked up again.
It’s Valentine’s Day. I kind of forgot about it. I went out to the yard and walked around for a while. H kept talking about his 115 and his worries. I listened to him and gave him my take and told him to exercise his rights. I understood his frustration. The SQ administrators are violating people’s rights.
I went to my visit at 9:30. As soon as I stepped into the room, S showed up. She gave me the great news. She was at Mike’s hearing. Mike won on the appeal exhaust issue. Another hearing is set for April. About 25 people showed up to the court room to give him support. S told me Anmol is coming to see me tomorrow. We had a great conversation/visit. We were out there for an hour and a half. Our relationship had blossomed. I appreciate that connection.
I went out to the yard and did twenty minutes of quick exercise. The basketball hit my face and knocked my glasses to the ground. I came back from yard and found out Mike was transferred on special transportation. I don’t know if I’ll see him again soon. I’m happy that he won and the writ will continued.
I felt sleepy in the afternoon. I asked D to move Ma next door to me so I can help him. He said he’ll move him tomorrow.
I received a letter form J. she sent me a photo of her playing with the snow on the street. She looked so cute. I had to laugh out loud. B wrote in a card and said she’ll try to come see me as soon as she can. I look forward to see her. During the visit with S, I saw KW walked by so I got S to stop him. She almost fell because the chair was in the ray. I had quick reflex and good eyes. I talked to K for about 5 minutes. He said he’ll come see me next Thursday with a draft on the parole writ. I’ll see if he follows through with it.
I got the writ to Cali Supreme court on 115 and other materials from the lawyer. He has been busy and took care of business. He expressed his concerns. I felt that I had put more pressure and burden on him. He has done so much for me. I don’t’ doubt him and his ability to do his best to help me. I trust him.
I ate a delicious dinner, beef with onions, bell pepper over rice. It was good. I gave the lawyer the good news on Mike. He should be happy.
Tu went to ICC this morning and was cut loose back to mainline. He’s happy. I hope they don’t set him up.
I pray that things will work out for all of us in the high courts. Victory is near. My best to all loved ones.
Mike left for court around 8:30. He looked ready. It’s around 9:30 pm. He’s not back from the court. I don’t know what happened in the court room. Maybe he’s staying in Marin over night or he’s back in Avenal. I’ll have to wait til tmorrow to find out. I want him to spend a few more days with me. I don’t feel sad that he left. He was scheduled for ICC today. I hope Ma’s able to move in next door to me if Mike doesn’t come back.
I received five pieces of letter. I received a letter from Ohio. My adviser told me I have a five months extension. M wrote me and asked for a visiting form. I don’t know why she wants a visiting form all of a sudden. I think she’s approved to see me. We’ll see. J’s letter arrived. She had the big talk with ZY. They’re separating after a few months. I think ZY hasn’t been honest with her about me. He’s jealous that we’re good friends. I can understand that. I hope he doesn’t pull any hanky panky stuff. D sent me a new year’s card. He changed address. He’s still sad from two years ago. He has a new friend now. Lucky sent me a letter and two wedding pictures. His wife looked beautiful in the studio photos. She looked totally different from the ones she took in Beijing. The made over was good. He’s really lucky. He understood how I feel. I like Lucky’s personality. He said D and D are trying to go back to China. They’re talking to the Chinese embassy. I have to think about that. I wrote J back and talked to her about Brazilian Jiujitsu. I wrote to M and sent her a visiting form just in case she’s not approved. I wrote D and gave him an update. I sent G a letter. I didn’t say much. I don’t like the way she does things. I wrote to Ms. Won the attorney. I sent her my article proposal, SF article and the recent board transcript. I asked her to represent me in a 1983 federal lawsuit. Hopefully she’ll take on the case. I have been busy writing letters.
I need to start on the article and other creative writings. Tomorrow is a new day. I feel good about my future. I’m at peace with myself. I didn’t make it to library today. I don’t have anything going. The lawyer is taking care of the appeals to the Supreme Court. I hope he’s well and got some help with copying.
May Mike win in the hearing. May we taste victory after victory soon. Much love to my family and friends.
It’s holiday today, so the program was changed. Mike went to visit for about three hours. He talked strategy with CC to get ready for tomorrow’s hearing. He’s been going through his documents to prepare for taking the stand. I cooked lunch. He was able to eat right after he came back from the visit.
I wrote eight letters tonight. I wrote to S, E, H, X, R J, R and J. I sent R a birthday card and asked her to take care of my parents. I don’t know when her birthday is, but I sent her the card anyway. She’ll have something to talk about. I wrote to J. He hasn’t written back to me. I know he’s tripping.
The day went by way too quick. I did some yoga before shower. I can do headstand with no problem. I kicked it with Mike some more. He has a mild headache. I got three tv guides to look at. I appreciate it. This might be the last night I’ll be with Mike. I’ll miss him when he goes. We need to win in the hearing tomorrow. It’ll help all of our lawsuits.
May the victory be ours. Mike has the first battle. May he be successful.
It was cold out, but I enjoyed the fresh air. I talked to HF about his case. I suggested that he exercise his rights. His counselor W is lazy, ignorant because he ignored his request and clown him. I talked to this white dude named Q. He remembered me from the chapel so he engaged in a conversation with me. I also talked to Pretty Bird P. He knew about my situation through C. He beat his 115 and other issues in the California Supreme Court. He’ll give me his paperwork. I appreciate his help. I did some yoga. I warmed up with some morning Sun Salutations, did the morning Asanas. I’ll get better with practice. I tried a few moves of Jiujitsu on K. He liked it. H said I need a new workout partner.
I ate a delicious lunch. I didn’t do much in the afternoon. Mike had a visit with CC. They’re getting ready for the hearing. CC won’t send the article for me. Now I have to go through a longer delay.
I wrote a letter to S. Mike went to the library. The lawyer got my stuff and is busy doing my writ to the Ct. of Appeal. I got a postcard from M. She went to Yosemite. I got the letter from Mom with Guma’s picture. She’s healthy in the ’99 picture where she celebrated her birthday. I hope to see her before she gets too old. I feel bad not being about to visit her.
I’m turning in early tonight. Mike is busy studying. I hope all is well with Rico. May our battles start to bear fruit toward victory.
Time is going by way too fast. I stayed busy from noon to ten o’clock. I cooked lunch. G came by to say hi. He told me a free person commented that we’re bad guys because some people were mad at us. G confronted him by telling him he didn’t know us and know the truth. He apologized to G.
I studied some Jiujitsu. Then I wrote letters. I received the letter I’d sent to O last week. It needed 10 more cents. It costs$3.80. I added the postage and wrote another page to O. I wrote to B, S, A, D, M, and S. I asked them for assistance. Hopefully at least one person comes through. I didn’t have time to do other writings. I do need to manage my time better. I still have some letters to respond to and more letters to write.
I ate well tonight. Big homie looked out for us. M went to see the doctor and got a translator over the phone. CC’s letter helped.
I talked to Mike for a while, reminisced on some people. After he leaves, we won’t be seeing each other for a while. We’ll be on our separate ways. He told me C got twins. I haven’t heard from her or J for a long time. Things changed and people changed over time. I learn that I have to be non-attached with friendship and emotions. I need to get out of prison.
It was chili outside until the sunshine came over the East Block building. I had to work out by myself because C left. He was transferred to Solano. I miss having a workout partner. I shot some basketball, did yoga and dive bombers. I was pumped. I took a cold shower. I felt good. T didn’t bring out his paperwork. He doesn’t to help himself.
I had a good lunch, took a nap and started writing letters. I wrote to S, Yuri, A, C, M, A, Sis and W. I asked them to find me some legal assistance. I explained my urgency to them. Hopefully I’ll get some responses. I have more letters to write.
Big homie looked out for me. I love him for that. I kicked it with Mike for a while. I haven’t had time to do my Statistic lesson or read anything. I hope things will go smoother for me in the courts.
May my Mom be healthy and my family and friends be well. I told R the story about kissing Dad. He cried.
I’ve been up all day. I cooked lunch for Mike and I. We ate and brainstormed on different avenues to get help. He encouraged me to start soliciting for help from friends. I have to make my family and friends understand that I’m fighting for my life. I have to make myself understand that urgency. I’m going to make the necessary changes to get disciplined.
I responded to the lawyer’s comments. I expressed how I felt about our strategy in the coming weeks and months. Hopefully we can find some creative ways to get some reliefs.
I was able to talk to Mom and Dad for about ten minutes. I told Mom to get her doctor to write a note to verify her illnesses. I also informed her about Mike’s Mom and brother’s willingness to help. Mom told me N is in Canada and won’t be back until next Sunday. I told her I need Sis to help me regardless her busy schedules. She’s travelling in the country in March. She’ll be in China in April. I need to get a hold of her.
I talked to Sgt. C for a while. He’s eating with his partner. We chatted briefly. He won’t be working here anymore. I called A, Y and B, but no one was home. I got a hold of A. He was in San Jose. He’s surprised to hear from me. I told him what’s going on. He’ll try to come see me next Sunday. He said he’s in the committee, but doesn’t really know what to do. I told him that I’ll ease his mind and give him some ideas. It’s good talking to him. He’s getting complacent and asked me to push him.
I studied some Jiujitsu techniques. I wish I could spar with a partner. I like a lot of the techniques. I need to remember some of them. My night slipped away. I didn’t get to write my letters. I want to shoot about fifteen letters out tomorrow night. Hopefully I’ll be able to do it. It’ll be a short day tomorrow.
Mike and I talked a lot through the day. I enjoyed his company. I pray that this ordeal will be over soon for all of us and we’ll win. It’ll be wonderful to be able to get out of prison this year.
It was nice outside. East Block didn’t come out. I di yoga, dive bombers and ran some laps. I felt good. The sun was out shining. I walked around with T and listened to his venting. He repeated the same story. I know he’s angry at the injustice. I enjoyed the yard time.
I took a nap and was wakened by the Officer passing out mail. He gave me two legal mails. One was from the Ct. of Appeal. Both of my writs were denied. That is a hard blow. I wrote to the lawyer and sent him the result. We have to do some evaluation on what steps to take. I want to go all the way. I received the letter for M to the warden and psychiatrist. CC took care of business. I wrote a 602 for M on getting him a translator. J sent me a paper cut out of blessing in Chinese character for new year. She only wrote a short note, but it cost her 12.8 yuan. That’s too much postage. I appreciate it.
Mike and I discussed and brainstormed on what my options are and strategies. He encouraged me to write letter to friends and solicit help. I’m going to go on a writing campaign. I need to step up. We talked for a while. J wrote him recently. Mike told me C got twins – a boy and a girl. I’m happy for her, but I don’t have any contact with them.
I wrote to the lawyer and responded to his questions. Let’s hope we can come up with a plan. I’m relying on the higher power to protect me and relying on myself and my friends to help me to win. It’s good having Mike around. He helped encourage me and gave me plans. I need to rewrite my article to make it more powerful – show and not tell. Mike gave me some ideas. I appreciate that. May we overcome all obstacles.
My body felt tire caused I stayed up talking to Mike. I didn’t get a good nap either because I wanted to wait M to walk by. I made lunch and ate it with Mike. I wrote to the lawyer and got ready for library. I talked to the lawyer briefly. He handled business as usual. He did the other appeal on the mail and due process issue. I made copies and got the necessary paperwork. I was able to get some writing done.
I received four letters tonight. I got a card from E. A sent a card also. I got a letter from S and X. It’s a surprised to hear form X. I wrote S and related the layer’s message. I wrote to N and asked him to call Mike’s Mom to get his brother’s number so Mom can get a note. Hopefully it’ll work. I had too much paperwork to read. I didn’t get a chance to respond to all the letters. I’ll have to get busy over the weekend.
Time went by too fast. I talked to Mike for a while. We discussed about the need to get support from our friends. I need to feel the urgency because I’m fighting for my life. May the Gods guide me to victory.
Mike moved in next door to me. He’ll be here for a couple of weeks. It’s a nice surprise to see him and kick it with him briefly. When B gave me mail tonight, he said, “You got fan mail.” I know he’s hating on me. He doesn’t understand how I have so many people write to me.
S shared two of her recent poem with me. I’ll get into them tomorrow. I wrote a two page letter in Chinese to P. I expressed my thoughts on the importance of family. I asked him to look out for Mom and Dad. It was a pretty expressive letter. I hope he listens to me. I wrote Mom a brief letter telling her about my letter to bro. She’ll be happy to hear that. I wrote a short page to K. I wrote a Chinese Valentines card to O and sent her my BPT closing statement. I hope she’ll get it without delay.
T let me exchanged my books from the property today. I picked 4 books. I might even be able to read them. I wrote a kite to A asking him to move Mike next door to me. Things worked out. Uso hooked it up. We stayed up and talked for a few hours. Mike has been taking care of his legal readings. The cops don’t want to mess with him out there. I’m glad that I got a chance to see Mike. Who knows how long it’ll take before we see each other again. I hope we’ll become victorious with our writes and appeals. May God bless us always.
It’s could outside, but the sun was out early. The Blacks and Mexicans are still on lockdown. Rumor has it that there was a hit out on a Black guy, so they had to be investigated. I talked to NB for a while. He talked a lot and I listened. I gave him a kite for N. Hopefully he’ll respond to me. He’s in 5E36. Maybe I heard wrong about him. He sounded pretty clear headed. I did the usual exercise with C. We got along with each other. I had a good yard day.
Mr. K came by to tell me that I got a 7 month extension on the Statistic course. That’s good news. I’ll have to get busy.
I wrote a letter in Chinese to O. I had to send it because B picks up mail early. I wrote three more pages in English to her. I’ll send it out tomorrow. B gave me my mail late. I received a letter from K. she just wrote to say hi. I appreciate that. I got Mom’s letter with 3 pictures and 200 dollars and a card from brother P. It’s been a long time since I’d heard from him. I’ll write them back. I wrote a letter to CC and sent him a draft concerning M’s situation. Hopefully he’ll help us.
Mike is here again. He’s here for court for a couple of weeks. I hope to see him and talk to him. I’m staying up too late, but I’m not tired. I got some magazines from uso. I have plenty to read. I hope all is well with my family and friends.
I felt lazy so I didn’t do much. I read the USA Today and The Progress mag. I studied a little.
I received a letter from S. She apologized for pressuring me with her religious beliefs. She recognized it after I sent her a X-mas card. She’ll still try to convert me, but with subtlety. I’ll write her back tomorrow.
I got a return to sender letter that was sent to EB. I guess he felt. Hopefully he’s on the right track
I got a ruling from Judge A. She denied my writ. So far, she denied everyone of my writ. I don’t think she wanted to deal with me anymore. Now my hope of winning is in the Court of Appeals. I pray that I’ll at least win on the 115 writ. It’s too strong for me not to win. I’ll have to wait and see.
I’m turning in early tonight. I don’t feel engaged or motivated. S brought a reroute letter by. It’s from O. She got my letter late so she thought I was busy. It’s good to know that she’s thinking of me. She’s a good friend. I’m lucky.
I noticed the sunshine reflecting from the hospital wall. It was going to be a nice day. Then we were told that there’ll be no yard. I didn’t react to the announcement. A minute later, the police announced that there’ll be Walk Along and 2 yard, but no 6 yard. I went out and there was a new basketball net. I talked to P for a while about family, money and other topics. Then I changed the net. T’s stressing on the guilty finding of his 115. He told me about what happened for the fifth time. I realized he’s venting so I listened. He wanted to hire an attorney to deal with his case. That’s great. I’ll try to help him with the appeal on the 115. C and I did some Brown Eagle. I tried a couple of the Jujitsu moves on him. He liked the straight arm move. I liked it too because I saw the effect of it. I almost threw C over my shoulder. I showered and got some sunshine. I helped my neighbor out.
I wrote a letter to M and sent her my autobiography poem. I told her how I felt about our visit. She’ll trip on my candidness. Let’s see what response I’ll get from her. I sent J a letter. She’ll find it interesting. I sent WF a bday card. I look forward to hear from him. M gave me some of his pills. I’m glad he’s not taking them.
I didn’t study so I’ll have things to do tomorrow. I’m tired so I’ll sleep early. The last two nights have been rough. The PCs down stairs and upstairs kept yelling at each other. It’s stupid.
I’m just riding smoothly through time. Tomorrow is a new day. I’m grateful for being alive. May my family and friends be well. I hope A will write me and let know what’s up. Good night.
Happy Chinese New Year to me. I got up and decided to ring in the New Year by exercising. I did some yoga and other exercises. Then I showered and shaved. D told me I had a visit at 12:30. I was happy to hear that. I didn’t know who would be coming to see me. I did some studying on statistic while waiting. I went out to the visiting room at 12:30.
M showed up around 12:50. She had to go to the house to change her shirt because it was too short. She even came early. It’s a pleasant surprise to see her. It’s been three years since we saw each other. She looked the same, beautiful. She asked how I was doing. I gave her an update on my situation. I asked about her teaching. She’s having a hard time because it’s her first year. She might quit after the year is up and go do something else. She wants to keep teaching, but maybe not in Oakland Tech. Her parents have an apartment in Shanghai. They want her to teach there and go visit. She doesn’t want to, but she’ll go visit over the summer. Her boyfriend is planning to go law school. She might have to follow him depending where he studies. She doesn’t really know what to say to me. I felt a sense of awkwardness. It’s been a while since we talked. She has changed mentally or maybe I don’t know her that well. I thanked her for being a friend to me. We only had a forty-five minute visit. It’s too short for us to get comfortable. I felt a send of loneliness and longing after I got back to the cell. I wished I was outside living my life. I had to switch my thoughts.
I wrote to J and shared my thoughts with her. I wrote about friendships between men and women.
I practiced the Jujitsu moves and got more tips. I’ll practice them on the yard. I studied some more. I appreciate the New Year’s gift, M’s presence. I got to spend some time with a beautiful woman. I need to get to know her better before I make an assessment.
I hope all is well with my family. I will be release from prison this year. It’s destined. May the Gods keep taking care of me.
Chinese new year’s eve. Yard was cancelled due to fog, again. It’s that time of the season. I was called for a visit at 7:30. I wasn’t expecting one. S showed up and we were able to visit for a little over 2 hours. We had great conversations. I vented on her about my sister-in-law and brother. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared my family stuff with her, but it’s too late. She’s cool about it. She said A left her a message. A said that the event will probably be in April. She said they probably couldn’t help Mike with the issue of racial segregation, but they’ll focus on helping Asian prisoners. It’ll be more Asian theme and involvement. I sensed reluctance from A and them to have the other races involved. I’m cool with that. Hopefully things will work out. I need to talk to a face to face so I can get an idea on the theme and her ideas. S told me about her Mom and grandma’s concern about cancer. They had it when were 56 years old. We talked about everything we could think of at the time.
I had a decent lunch. I talked to M briefly. He was surprised I knew his birthday. I received another letter from J. She loves me. CC wrote on a postcard telling me CPF sent the stamps and asked me to write an advocate letter for me. I’ll do it over the weekend.
I studied statistic. I’m getting it. I hope I can send a lesson out Sunday night.
I’m feeling okay. I pray that Mom’s healthy and happy. May R and P start to treat her with the respect she deserved. May the year of the Goat take me home.
I did my studies on the statistic after I got up and ate breakfast. I’m making progress. Hopefully I can send a lesson out on Sunday.
I made a big lunch with meat log, top ramen and corn chips. It’s M’s birthday. I was able to send him the food and a handmade card to wish him a happy birthday.
I received a letter from C. She’s feeling much better now and enjoying life. I wrote her back and expressed my appreciation for her friendship.
I got Mom’s letter telling me about the change in P and the way R treats her. I don’t like it, but I can’t do anything right now. I’ll write a letter to them and hint to them to treat Mom better.
I wrote more to J. I told her about my demonstration days and about living her life. There’s a lack of communication between her and her parents. I wonder how our relationship will pan out in 5 years.
I want to be home. Hopefully things will work out and I’ll be getting out of prison this year.
Finally, I was able to get on the phone and talked to Mom. A answered the phone. He’s getting smarter. I talked to Dad briefly. Mom said she sent three letters out to me along with $200 and some pictures. P lost four thousand on the Super Bowl. Mom vented her frustration with R. Mom told me A and A called 911 after Dad took some rolls of films from them. The police showed up, but R was able to explain the situation. R tried to blame Mom for the incident. She’s tripping. I don’t like her at all, but I can’t say anything negative. I talked to Mom for 22 minutes. She’s bothered by arthritis. I feel for her.
I received a letter from J. she didn’t write from Huntington Beach. It’s great to hear from her. She sent me some puppy stickers. I wrote her a couple of pages telling her about Mom’s situation, but I was pissed off. I decided to tear the pages up and rewrote it. I wrote a couple of pages, but I didn’t send it. I’ll finish it tomorrow.
I wrote a short note to A and thanked her for being a friend to me. I received the stamped copy on the last writ. The judge denied my writ. She said that I didn’t exhaust. I did, but she didn’t look at it thoroughly. I’m pissed about her decision. She’s not being fair. So far she denied all my writs. I have one more writ waiting for her ruling. I don’t know how things will work out for me. I need to win.
I looked at some statistic briefly. I need to get busy. I’ll have to work harder on studying.
May the Gods smile on me and protect me.
Yard was cancelled due to fog line. I slept, ate and read. I went to library and talked to L briefly. He was expecting me. He looked energized. It’s good to see him.
I received a letter from W. He said he’ll arrange a date to see me. Hopefully he’ll have a draft of the writ on my parole issue. I don’t like his delays, but he’s doing it pro per. I can’t complain for now. If I don’t like what he’s doing, I’ll fire him. I received the stamped copy of the writ on 115 from Court of Appeal. Hopefully I’ll get an order to show cause. I’m counting to win that issue if nothing else.
I finally received my lesson back from Ohio. It took a while for the professor to grade it. I got a B+. I need to get busy with the other lessons.
I wrote a letter to Say and S. I wrote to the lawyer. He’ll be glad to hear from me. I got plenty of magazines to read. I couldn’t get on the phone today because E didn’t have time. I don’t like these people’s attitude. They have no respect for prisoners. They will their punishments.
I got my canteen. I didn’t get any chips. I shouldn’t need to go to the next draw since I got enough food.
T was found guilty on his 115. He got railroaded. He’s made and frustrated, but he doesn’t know how to fight them legally. I’ll try to help him. The Officials are covering their own kind. They’ll violate any rules. Suck is the system. I told Sgt. S and C/O N about it. I talked to C for a while. Hopefully things will work out for me.
May God bless my family and friends and me. G came by to say hi. He gave me a pamphlet on different prayers. God bless me.
It’s a slow day in creativity. I slept in the morning because I stayed up to read. I ate the leftover food for lunch and dinner. I enjoyed the food.
I received a letter from Mom with 3 photos. She took it with Sis, R, S, Dad and A. She was sick over the Christmas week. I hope she feels better now. I wrote her back and gave her an update. A sent me a postcard from Hawaii. She was filming an infomercial with David Hasslehoff and model Rachael Hunter, kicking it with the celebrities. I wrote her and updated her with my situation.
I turned in early because I felt tired. I did a little exercise in the morning. I tried to get a phone call, but E didn’t do it. I got the winter issue of Fortune News.
Super bowl Sunday. Raider loss to Tampa Bay 48-21. TB’s way too strong. Usually if I was on the line, I would have a spread and watch the game. There’s also a food sale from the Native Americans. I don’t miss it, but I would like to eat if I can. I was on the yard in the morning. S gave me a fade. It came out nice. I shot the ball a little and jogged a few laps. I took a shower and caught a little cold. I played some Black Jack for fun. I heard the mainline PA call the food sale pick up. I wished my friend would get me some food. I came in and ate a good lunch, then took a nap.
I read the Kung Fu book. I ate chicken patty for dinner. T gave me his. I was full. I wrote a letter to E’s wife and asked her to send me Mom’s letter. I wrote to J to say hi and told him my status. He’ll be surprised to hear from me. I’m sure G will pick up the hint that I don’t want her involve in my case.
I learned three Jujitsu moves tonight. I’ll practice them on the yard, straight arm by opponent, neck and arm and sweep.
I ate some chicken for late snack. It’s delicious. I appreciate the food. It would be good with a Dr. Pepper. I’m full. It’s been a good day.
I hope I’ll get to talk to Mom tomorrow. May the gods bless me and my family.
Some guy was talking loud in the middle of the night. It woke me up. I had a laugh on some of his jokes and quick response. I went back to sleep after tray pick up. I gave Ma all the Chinese books. I didn’t get to talk to him much. I started on the In Ferno. I don’t understand it completely as I read it. I didn’t feel like studying. I just lay around. I don’t like my routine.I need changes.
P drew me a valentine’s card. Another day is over. I haven’t talk to Mom or gotten a letter from her for a long time. I hope all is well at home.
It’s cold out, but the fresh air was much needed. I talked to C for a while about my situation. He’s cool. I got to know more about him. He’s not a materialistic person. T came out t the yard. He was happy to see me an be able to tell me his side of the story. I couldn’t believe that M would set him up like that. He said that she has been flirting with him for a while. He had always tried to stay away from her. Finally she got mad because he rejected her and wrote him up. She said that he touched her leg and tried to kiss her. I believe him, but it’s hard to believe she’s that way. I got my canteen. The rest of the day I just kicked it and read. I felt lazy.
“Don’t base your happiness and peace on things changing saying if this happens I’ll be happy. Be thankful everyday no matter where you are.” My friend Liebb told me. It was good seeing him. I’m grateful to gain a great friend through this ordeal. Our friendship will only blossom. The lawyer took care of all my legal issues. I have everything in the courts. May the good spirit have mercy on me and let me win. I have to trust whatever that’ll happen.
S came early this morning. She was waiting for me by the time I got out there. I was in the shower when they called me for a visit. We had some discussions on my situation, the upcoming event, the anecdote in Ad Seg. She went to see D twice. She’s in it for the long haul. I told her I’ll be there to support her. She had to work so she left around 9:30. I appreciate her for coming to see me. She gave my message to Yuri about the event.I received a Sufi card from S with her poem. She’s a good poet.
Mr. K came by to see me. He’s a hypocrite who tried too hard to toot his own horn. He played it off like he’s doing something great. He asked if I had a message for Yuri since he’s going to see her in the event. I don’t trust him so I told him to say hi to her.
I got my board transcript from counselor S. I made a copy and sent it to W. I got a letter from W that as dated 1/3/03. I wrote to my advisor in Ohio about my course. Hopefully I can work things out.
Dongxifeng gave me a poetry book by Bei Dao. He’s been great to me. I went to library to make copies. I had a long day. I read the Chinese novel.
The C/O B doesn’t like to do my legal mail. He tried to avoid it by running pass my cell. He’s too lazy to log it in the book.
I haven’t received a letter from Mom and sis. I know they love me and think of me. I hope they’re doing well. I love them.
May the Gods keep protecting them. I hope Mike is doing well and come out victorious. May Rico be well also.
Not much happen today. I finished reading the Kung Fu novel. It was good entertainment. I slept all morning. I did a few sets of exercises in the afternoon. Then I studies Statistic for a while. If I want to finish the course, I’ll have to make some arrangements. I want to talk to Mr. K before I decide whether I’ll quit or continue.
I received my last Harper’s magazine. I don’t think J will subscribe another year for me. I didn’t get any letter. I sent K a birthday wish card.
It’s been a quiet week so far. I’m able to maintain a sense of peace. It’s difficult not to trip about my unproductive time. Things have to change for the better for me.
It was cold and wet out. I was able to talk to M for an hour. It’s his first time on the yard. His language and thinking were slow. I’m glad that I could lift his spirit up. I want to teach him some yoga so he’ll ripe the benefit. I hope he’ll be all right.
I didn’t do any exercise. I read the Kung Fu novel. I talked to E on the yard. He told me he had received a letter that was addressed to me. After a little investigation, I came to the conclusion that the prison made a huge mistake by sending my letter to his house. He paroled a month or so ago. My mail got forwarded to him accidentally. It’s almost impossible for it to happen. I asked him to have his wife send it to me. The letter was from Mom.
I wasn’t scheduled for library today. I didn’t have anything for the lawyer anyway. I wrote a couple of pages for him. I wrote a letter to Mom just to say hi. I got a rerouted letter from C. He answered my questions on legal representation. He charges $50 an hour for person make 30k a year, $100 for over 30k. I’ll have to think about that. He’s doing it pro bono. I shouldn’t take that for granted. I wrote C to thank him.
I talked to Officer W for a while about different things. He has it made with his job. He has a house, a Mercedes, a regular commute car, a Dell computer with camera and other gadgets. He’s living a good life off the PIC.
The prison is in chaos. People who had done their time and discharged are being kept illegally because the record people are backed up. Instead of doing the work, they delay the processing. San Quentin’s administration is operating under a draconian role, anything goes. People don’t know the illegal practice the prison has. I hope all their violations will catch up with them.
I wanted to do my Statistic, but it’s difficult. I hope all is well for me in the Court of Appeal. May the Gods look out for me.
It’s MLK’s bday, but nobody’s tripping on its significance. It’s just another day in the hole. I read the Kung Fu novel about China’s first female emperor. I like reading Kung Fu stories with historical background.
M’s on Walk Alone yard, but his name was not on the list. D checked and told me. I went to his cell and explained the situation to him. I had a chance to talk to him for about ten minutes. He sounded slow. It must be the drugs he took before. He said he hasn’t been taking them lately. I told him if it’s necessary, he should take it. I know he feels better after I talked to him. He started to write English, exercise and sleep less. I want to do my best to help him. The dudes in B section rolled him up because he’s J-cat. That’s not right. I’m piss at that.
I wrote to S, A, F and J. I asked S to relate the three themes for the event to the others. I can’t express myself clearly on what I want. I can say it, but don’t know how to write it.
Oh well, I sent a note to Mr. K and asked him to come see me about the course. I don’t think it’s realistic to finish the course on time.
I look forward to hear from Mom and J. May my family and friends be well.
It was a restless night. I had a couple of dreams. One, I dreamt JL was in the room with me. There was a stair to go up. I remember turning off the light in the room and get ready to go up. I even helped her with putting on her jacket. It then led to something sexual. It’s strange. Why would I be dreaming about her?
The other one Sis, Mom and Dad was talking to me, but really Sis wanted to talk to me alone. Somehow T was tripping that Sis didn’t bring him along. He’s jealous or something. Another strange dream.
My neighbor stayed up talking all morning. I couldn’t get a peaceful sleep. However, my back was hurting from lying down too long. There was yard today. It was freezing outside. I took some laps. I felt better being outside. I did some running, yoga, legs and took some shots of basketball. I got a little sweat. My right shoulder’s rotator cuff is hurting, so I didn’t do upper body exercise. I took a shower in the cold. Everybody thought I was crazy. It felt good.
After I got back to the cell, I ate a hot lunch. My spirit was lifted. Exercise helped. I took a nap, read and had dinner. I didn’t feel like doing anything else. Officer T brought a couple sets of Kung Fu novel by. The library dropped 3 sets of to me and M. I started reading them. I’ll have to decide what to do with my school work.
I wish all the best to my family and friends. I need to get out of prison. Now.
It’s Saturday. Usually I would take a shower, but I decided not to. I didn’t do anything to warrant a shower. I used the nail clipper only.
Somehow I felt depressed. The thought of cutting everyone loose flashed through my mind. I won’t be able to follow through because I’m such a coward I didn’t do much, but read. I went to sleep around nine o’clock. I didn’t want to deal with anything. I didn’t even write until 1/19.
Officer D delivered a legal mail from the Sacramento appeal’s office in the morning. I was an appeal on the ICC violation of my rights. It’s denied. All my appeals have been denied. I sent it to my lawyer along with the denial for reconsideration on the transfer writ by Judge A.
I went to the yard and enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air. It was cold, but nice. I walked some laps, talked to D for a while and exercised. I did a quick workout. I need to start getting serious on exercising and be consistent. I was happy when I was informed I had a visit at 12:30.
S came up, but she was 25 minutes late due to late processing. We utilized our time to get the important information exchanged. The time flashed by. She told me Mike was in the hole for a couple of days caused “they” didn’t like him filing lots of appeals. They couldn’t keep him there because it’s illegal. Mike’s giving them the blues. She visited W last Sunday. He expressed that there’s no one to talk to about meaningful ideas and topic. He felt lonely and missed me. I have respect for him and cherished our friendship. She like the article, but have some questions. She’s using her editor’s mind to critique it. She said it could be tighter. She’ll shoot it out to people.
Yuri is meeting with the Sister Warriors about the upcoming event. It’ll be late February. That would be good to get the chant and article going.
I received a letter from Anmol. He sent me some articles. He went back to India for 3 weeks. He’s back today. He sent me a flyer for writing submissions to comply a book on PIC. I’ll think about submitting something. I wrote him back and gave him the latest update.
I didn’t do much all day. I’m thinking about quitting the correspondence course. It’s not realistic to go on. I’m debating it. We’ll see. I hate to give up.
I’ll be sore from the workout tomorrow. May the Gods continue to bless me and my family.
Again, I didn’t do any studying. I’m not in it. I’ll have to make some adjustments.
I received a letter and tow pictures from L. He’s going to get married this month. It’s good to hear from him. I wrote him back and gave him an update. I got some blank envelopes and paper with 19 stamps from CC. It was processed as regular mail with no letters. I wrote him back and thanked him. I also asked him about M’s situation with a translator.
G came by. He said Rico went to level 3 side of Solano. I don’t’ know why. I wasted another day.
It’s that time – reflection. It’s the middle of the month and I have not heard from W. If I don’t hear from him next week, I will have to make decisions. I’m being flexible, but I have to remind myself that I’m fighting for my life.
I received a Christmas card form M. She said she’ll write what she’s done with everything. We have a strong relationship. She doesn’t want to come visit me. When she writes, she never goes in detail. That has to do with her busy schedule. She treats me as her friend. I’m accepting whatever she’s willing to give. I want to be a friend to her.
K’s letter with an article arrived. The mail is two weeks late. I wrote her back and asked her to not to swim because it’s dangerous.
I wrote to “The Rattlesnake” journal for a subscription. It’s free to prisoners.
I didn’t do any study. I read the book and I finished. T and V left. They’ll get into other trouble if they don’t change their ways. My neighbor P drew a Thinking of You card. It’s nice.
Officer T brought the 602 on 3044 by. I told him I’m not going to pursue it. He said I must’ve gotten some good news. He’s puzzled on why I changed my mind. I didn’t tell him. I tore the 602 up. I just want to lay low. I have things to do.
I goofed off today. I feel all right. I’m not thinking much. Easy to do. Not productive. May things work out for me soon.
The yard’s cancelled due to a search in B-section. I stayed up last night so I felt tired. It could’ve been the workout I did yesterday that got me tired. I woke up and wrote a letter to the lawyer. I didn’t get a chance to study Statistic. I might not be able to finish this course.
I received the decision on my 115 writ. Judge A denied it. I’m not happy about that.
As I walked to the library, I gave Liebb the bad news. He’s disappointed because that was on our strongest issue. We’ll have to take it to the Court of Appeal. I read the lawyer’s comments of the last few days. He has been putting work in. He’s dealing with different stresses with his living condition. He also expressed feeling wore down. I don’t blame him. He’s been doing everything by himself. He has sacrificed a lot to help us. I was hot to hear about A talking bad about me behind my back. I know who my friends are. I have faith in my lawyer to get things done. Hopefully the court’s decision will go our way on one of the issues. So far, everything has been rejected and denied.
I wrote to W and gave him an update. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he better try to do his best to help me get out of prison. I’ll have to fire him. I wrote to CC and expressed my desire to popularize the racial segregation issue. I asked him whether he’s willing to represent me pro bono. If not, how much does he charges. It’s premature, but I need to know his feeling so I can make adjustments accordingly.
I’m writing to G because I didn’t want her involve in any of my stuff. I have to get my friends to take care of business for me.
I ran into C on my way back. He made Sergeant. He gained a lot of weight. It was good to see him.
I’m not feeling down. I will win. I need to do an in depth self-evaluation. I need to know myself and set my goals. Things are going to be all right soon. I know it. I hope Rico and Mike are doing well. May God continue to look after my friend Liebb. May he be strong and have peace.
I was able to stay awake all morning to study. I got some work done, but I need to stop up the pace. I still haven’t received my first lesson back.
M shot me another note expressing his family’s shame because of his case. It’s difficult for me to read about situation like that. I talked to a female doctor “Van something burg.” I was coming off as agitated to her. She tried to tell me that she’s doing her job. She can’t change the system. She’s doing what she can. I had to change my tone with her after I caught myself getting excited. She took down M’s name and said she’ll refer my concern to his case doctor. I want to help.
I received a stamped copy of the addendum of the first writ. I got the Third level appeal on legal property back. It’s denied. I haven’t won one yet. It’ll be up to the courts.
I also got a letter from J and a card from M. J’s letter was postmarked 12/19, M’s 12/23. J mentioned that she’s frightened that she can’t meet my high expectations. I think people think I have very high expectations of them to act a certain way. I give out the wrong messages. It’s not the first time someone told me that. I wrote her back and expressed my feeling on that comment. I sent M a winter card and to thank her support. I sent Mei and R birthday cards.
The day went by way too fast. I started to read a novel called “Void Moon.” I like it. It kills time and it’s entertaining.
I pray that Mom and Dad are healthy and happy. May they be well.
It was overcast outside. I went to yard and cut my hair. S doesn’t know how to cut my hair the way I wanted. So I told him to give me a number two. I have a lot of gray him. I don’t look good with a shaved head, but I have no choice. It’ll grow out.
I didn’t get a visit. I felt disappointed. I talked to T and U on the yard. T’s cool to talk to, but he lies. I shot the basketball around. I didn’t exercise or shower. M shot me a letter thanking me for encouraging him to stay well. He appreciated it. He gave me weifan’s address. I wrote him a three page letter in Chinese. I surprised myself by being able to write that much. I hope I’ll hear from him. I wrote to S and gave her an update. I studied the median, but I couldn’t concentrate. I need to wake up. It’s another lazy day. I send my love to all my friends and family.
It’s Saturday. I went to sleep after shower and breakfast. I felt sleepy for some reasons. It made my body weak from sleeping too much. I talked to M for a minute. He wrote me a note and told me a little about himself. He’s Weifan’s friend and crime partner. He’s on meds because he tried to kill himself. He said he hear voices and think people are picking on him. I feel sorry for him He has nine more years to do. He doesn’t understand English well. I wrote a two page letter. I couldn’t help but wonder where’s the help from the Asian community. I tried to give him some hope and life. I’ll do what I can to help him.
I study Statistic for a little. I will do more the next couple of days. The day went by faster the second half. I read the poetry book briefly.
No visit today. I wonder what’s up with S and others. May she be well. I need to watch my diet.
It was showering periodically on the yard. I like the fresh air. It was not that bad. I talked to D for most of the yard. He’s hooked on the video gam Halo and others. He has lots of issues weight, eating and as a parent. I can see how a lot of Americans are living that life style. I noticed that I can analyst things about an individual and help encourage change. S got transferred to Solano. I did about 30 minutes of exercise. It was wet, but I got an okay pump. I had my shirt off. After I showered and got back to the cell, I felt tired.
I wrote a letter to Lt. L concerning the privilege group D issues. He asked to speak to me. I went to his office and met Captain W, a brother. He got involved in all the interpretation of the rule. They don’t want to give me my Walkman. We beat around the bush for a while. L said he never got my appeal. He said he’ll sign it off when he gets it. That wasted 2 hours of my time. I expressed to Captain W that his analogy on why I’m not allowed my Walkman was the same as Bush’s homeland security propaganda. He went on a whole trip about how Bush is doing the right thing. He went way back to something about two brothers fighting in the womb, some religious stuff. He likes to think he knows what he’s talking about. He said he’ll have to pull me out and talk to me about it. Yeah right. I asked for a phone call. L said next week. We’ll see.
I received a stamped copy of the write on 115. I received a ruling from the Ct. of Appeal that good cause was shown to review my denial writ on transfer. That’s good news. It’s the first step. Hopefully I’ll get an OSC (Order to Show Cause.) I also received the Ag’s response on the third writ. In his exhibit I saw some paperwork that I haven’t gotten. It’s from N and the ICC. They want me out of here so they made up things to damage my character. I sent all my stuff to the lawyer with my comments. Hopefully he’ll be able to handle them. We need to hit on these issues.
I didn’t do anything else all night. I took a nap after dinner and read and sang. I feel a little flu coming on from not wearing my shirt during exercise. I did look at my Statistic. I need to start. I also need to write poems and prose. I sent some stuff to M, the Chinese guy. A asked how Mike’s doing. I told him “they” are messing with him and might be in the hole. I shouldn’t have told him that.
I didn’t get regular mail today. I didn’t get a visit from Shelly in three weeks. I miss the visits. I hope she’s al right. I want to know what’s up with the article. I’m turning in early.
May my family be safe and well. I send my love to all my friends.
I did some stretching after I got up. It felt good. I had to go back to sleep because I felt tired. I did some review of stat. I should be able to start the new lesion tomorrow. I need to hurry. There’s urgency.
I received the AG’s response on the second writ concerning property seized in May. It’s weak. I hope the judge will see that. I wrote down my comments to the lawyer. I got the stamped copy from the Court of Appeal. I received C’s visiting approval. I received the 128G from CSR and ICC. I’ll be in ASU (The Hole) until 3/13 or whenever my parole issue is resolved. I didn’t know that ICC requested a 90 day extension to keep me here. That’s what I wanted, but I would like to be on the mainline.
I received the annual letter from Yuri. She put my name and the Asian prisoner issue in her letter. It was inspiring to read her updates of other political prisoners and prisoners of war. They have it way worse than I. I have so much to learn.
I wrote to Mom and Sis to give them an update. I wrote to Yuri, C, Anmol and KW. I told them what happened with my situation. Hopefully I’ll get a visit from C soon.
I kept busy all night. I ate a big lunch and dinner. Things are moving the way we wanted in some ways. I hope that’s what it’s supposed to happen. I trust the Gods to lead me to the right direction. Much love to all my love ones and friends.
I’m being complacent. I know it, but I’m not stopping it. Time just slipped by when I allow it to. I wrote a letter to J and sent her a couple of articles. I received an article from Rev. K. I slept, read newspaper, washed my sweater and did some yoga. I didn’t study. G dropped by briefly. He’s arranging a meeting with John Burton about the lifer situation. I need to get creative fast. May things start to look up for me. I need to get out this prison confinement.
Tonight I attended San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee’s invitation only inauguration dinner. Some of the noticeable people there were: Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi, Senator Diane Feinstein, Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsome, Mayor Willie Brown, Mayors from Los Angeles and Atlanta, members of the Board of Supervisors and MC Hammer. Though I felt honor to be a part of the celebration, I didn’t feel like I belong there.
As I sat at the table and enjoying the live music being played, I found myself slipped into a zone. I realized today is the 25th anniversary of my crime. How fast time has passed and how long the pain has lasted! My apology to the victims of my crime will not change what had happened. However, I am sorry for the poor decision that I made that inflicted a lifetime of pain and suffering to the victims. Somehow and someway I hope time will ease the pain for those who are still suffering. I can only continue to pay forward and not take anything for granted.
Life is full of possibilities.
Yard was cancelled due to the need to search in A.C. (Adjustment Center) and East Block. A cop lost a plastic letter opener. It’s stupid.
I was woken up at 2:30 am by the Officers. They had a cell extraction on A (my neighbor.) I was escorted to the hospital to wait in the cage. When I walked through C-section door, the light from the camera was pointed at my face. (The Officers uses video camera to record the process of extraction due to lawsuits filed on them.) I learned more about the extraction process. I went back to my cell around 3:10am. A was sprayed with OSC pepper spray. He was laughing because he got what he wanted – move to East Block. I could smell the pepper spray and it was choking me. I can still smell it now when I get close to the bars. I’ll write about it.
I got my sleep in the morning. I went to the library. I didn’t get my legal mail. I talked to L for a minute and said hi to S, Mr. B and ER. The guardian had to leave early so I only chatted with him a few minutes. I was quiet in the library. I read about DK’s story in the Chronicle newspaper. E told me J was featured in Sunday’s paper. They’re trying to get out too.
I received a letter from E. That’s good. I wrote her back and asked her to write the support letter and sign a petition. I got a letter from LA’s detention ministry. I wrote B a short letter and asked her to come see me. Let’s see how she reacts.
I did a little review on Statistic. I’ll start a new lesson tomorrow. It’s been an exciting day. I want to write, but I’ll wait. I pray that the Court of Appeal will reverse Judge A’s decision on my transfer. The lawyer took care of my writ and gave me advice on what needs to be done.
May I prevail in my fight for freedom and in the First Amendment issues. All glory to the creator. May my family and friends are well.
My neighbor boarded up his cell from the inside so the Officers can’t open his cell. He wants out of C-section so this is his way out. The Officers attempted to open the door, but couldn’t. Instead of cell extract him, they decided to leave him alone. I think they were sure that he wouldn’t hurt himself. It’s a big gamble, but they don’t care, I guess. He refused his dinner tray. He’ll try to take this stand until they move him or until he changes his mind. I gave him a couple of soups so he won’t go hungry.
I tried studying my course on Statistic, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. I need to get discipline and do it. I’m wasting time.
I sent J some food, but he ended up going back to the mainline at night. Officer J called me to move just to mess with me. He wanted me to get out the hole. I appreciate that. I knew it was a joke.
I received a letter from J dated 12/10. She’s clear about her plan with ZY. She’ll leave him in May and come back to Cali. Her parents are worried because they don’t know her plan. She’ll have a different time leaving, but not as difficult as ZY. They went Shanghai for a few days. J has travelled a bit in China. I didn’t write anymore. I wrote to J for a little. I’ll send the letter to her in the next day or two. I should get more mail tomorrow.
I’m reading the mystery book by Lisa Garner. I like it.
I ate two fishes tonight courtesy of B. He treats me well these days.
I’m in limbo and don’t know my status in Ad Seg. It’s all about one day at a time. God bless me.
I’m writing, but I’m not writing how I really feel most of the times. I’m afraid that someone will read it and use it against me. That is the control I allowed “these people” to have over me. Then why do I continue to write? Maybe it’s because I want to record something for memory. Maybe it’s a ritual that helps me past my time. Maybe I just want to act like I’m writing something important. I realized how much we live in lies all the time. Everything can be distorted. Truth could be lies and good could be bad.
My neighbor shared with me what he believes. It’s something I never knew. How much of what he wrote was the truth? I also got him to write down all the different medications people ingest here. I will write about it.
There was fog line so we went to the yard late at around 9:30. It was a beautiful day. It was warm with the sun. I felt sucked up after taking my clothes off. C and I did a quick workout. I was pumped. I wish I could be out there longer.
T hooked up a spread at night. It’s cool. I will eat the leftover in the morning.
I wrote to KW and told him about my writes and what I want from him. I don’t like the way he’s handling my case. I may have to fire him. I’ll wait and see what’s best for me.
I didn’t study. I wanted to, but I couldn’t get motivated. I goofed around and the day is over. I started reading a mystery thriller book. I talked to R about P’s work and my goals to help youth.
I was hoping for a visit, but no luck. I don’t’ feel attach to too many things and people these days. I can do another 10 years in the pen, but my parents can’t. That’s why I want to push to go home this year. I want to and I’m going to go home this year.
I thought today is Friday for a minute. It’s easy to lose track of time at times.
I received the lawyer’s notes and responded accordingly. I shot him some parole cases for reference.
I had a Luau by myself. It’s cool. I felt a little sore from yesterday. I wanted to study, but didn’t get to it. I read the Wall Street Journal. It’s cool to know the latest news.
No visit. Change my hair style by combing it back. Changed blankets. Sleeping early.
The guy three doors down attempted to hang himself. He was saved just on time by an MTA (Medical Technical Assistant) who was passing out medication. If she hadn’t come along, I wonder if he would still be alive. I asked the Officer about his wellbeing. She said he’s fine physically. He’ll need some mental help. The Officers are supposed to check the cells periodically, but they don’t. Usually they’re gone after feeding. Tonight they didn’t even bothered to unlock the bar. The guy is only 23.
I went to the yard for some much needed fresh air. No visit. I walked around to get warm. C came out late. I thought he was transferred. My shoulder hurts so I didn’t want to do pushups. C, S and I did yoga, leg exercises, shoulder exercises and a Brown Eagle. I felt fainted afterward. I had to sit down. It’s been a couple of weeks since I exercised. I showered and caught the cold wind. I felt a fever coming on because my head and body were heated up.
I ate lunch and lay down briefly. I felt better after dinner. I got some mail from legal department. I got copies of my 115 writ. All issues are in the courts now. Let’s hope I’ll win. My lawyer took care of business. I appreciate all his work and encouragement.
G came by to say hi. We didn’t have much to talk. I had plenty to do in the cell. I hope things will work out for me soon.
Hope and faith, personal lies to keep me going. I’m ready for whatever. May the Gods be kind to my friends Mike, Rico and Liebb. Much blessings to my family and friends.
I heated up the spread T made last night for breakfast. It would’ve been better when it was hot. I took a sinus pill and went to sleep. I work up around twelve and had lunch. I feel better physically. I’m ready to exercise tomorrow.
I looked through my correspondence course and realized that I don’t’ have much time left. I would have to send in two lessons a month if I want to get it done on time. I need to get busy now because there could be many distractions in the coming months. I did some review of previous chapters. I’ll start working on a new one tomorrow
I received a letter and three pictures from Rudy C. I felt pumped after reading the letter. He wants me to work with him to help save the youth’s lives. I’m ready. I like what he’s doing. I’ll fit right in. I wrote him back and sent him my autobiography poem.
I got a letter from D Feinstein. She’s responding to the letter I wrote to her a few months ago. She referred my letter to Gray Davis’ office. Another brush off letter.
I sent a letter to J. I don’t even know if she’s in Beijing right now. Hopefully ZY will give her my letters. Dude’s insecure about his relationship with J. I don’t blame him. I know I will get more holiday letters soon.
B gave me an extra tray for dinner. He’s cool with me now, after he spied on me.
I’m taking things one day at a time. May the earth continue to sustain me.
Happy new breath all my relations!
It is the beginning of another beautiful year. I’m reminded that this is my fifth annual reflection since I’ve been physically freed from the Prison Industrial Complex and immigration detention. When I reviewed the past four annual reflections, I realized that each passing year has been better than the previous. What a blessing!
As I begin to reflect on all the happenings in 2011, I hold in mind a creed from our national treasure Yuri Kochiyama, “To always keep in mind, that any opportunities, achievement, or happiness I have had, I owe to someone else; to be grateful for whatever has come my way through the aid of another, to repay every kindness, but should such a circumstance not arise, to pass it on to someone else.”
In my professional life, the Community Youth Center of San Francisco (CYC) continues to provide me with the opportunity to service the youth and community as a Project Manager. Besides working with the two violence prevention components of Invention and Street Outreach, I have the privileged to be a part of spearheading a pilot multicultural youth leadership program called the Bayview Youth Advocates (BYA.) BYA aims to empower youth to advocate for themselves, families and community as well as promoting racial harmony. The creation of a CYC branch office in the Bayview district is a proactive action to address racial tension transpired two years ago between African Americans and Asians. The process of establishing service in the historically disenfranchised African American community has been challenging. However, CYC and myself are committed to do our best to contribute in the betterment of the community.
I continue to go into the Department of Juvenile Justice as a contractor with Project IMPACT (Incarcerated Men Putting Away Childish Things) to facilitate workshops on male accountability with incarcerated youth. I have had the pleasure of working with my co-facilitators, who are mostly formerly incarcerated life term prisoners, to utilize our experiences to stop the cycle of incarceration.
My two year appointment by former Mayor Gavin Newsome on the San Francisco Reentry Council (SFRC) concluded. During my term, I believe I was able to maximize my voice to advocate for the currently and formerly incarcerated, especially the often neglected Asian and Pacific Islander population. I learned the intricacy of working with city departments and understood the important existence of the reentry council. Therefore, I reapplied to serve on the reentry council so I can continue to provide input and represent those in need . Mayor Ed Lee appointed me to another two year term on the San Francisco Reentry Council. As the cities and counties across the State implement Governor Brown’s Realignment Plan to decrease the overcrowding prison population, SFRC is way ahead in terms of preparation.
As the co-chair for the Asian Prisoners Support Committee (APSC) http://apscinfo.wordpress.com/ based in Oakland, California, my team and I have been working diligently to improve our existence and services. APSC became a part of Chinese for Affirmative Action’s (CAA) Asian Americans for Civil Rights and Equality (AACRE), which include the Alliance of South Asians Taking Action (ASATA), API Equality, Hyphen Magazine, and the Network on Religion and Justice. This alliance will enable APSC to expand our efforts to raise awareness about the prison industrial complex and raise funds through CAA’s fiscal sponsorship. We attended healthy fairs in San Quentin and Solano State Prisons. We went inside San Quentin whenever we can to meet and brainstorm with APIs to create the curriculum for our cultural competency program. Wecontine to sell and distribute the “Other: An Asian and Pacific Islander Prisoners’ Anthology” and “Letters from the Pen” ‘zines to the public and educational institutions to raise awareness and generate funds. I’m always amazed by the dedication of the members of APSC to volunteer their time and energy in supporting the API incarcerated population.
My public speaking engagements gave me opportunities to connect with over 2,500 people across the nation. I was able to interact with people from all diverse backgrounds and different age groups from City College of San Francisco, Oakland’s Laney Community College, University of California Berkeley, University of California Davis, Arizona State University of Tempe, San Francisco Unified School District, Adult Probation of Alameda, Juvenile Justice Department of San Leandro, churches, and Community Based Organizations in the Bay Area. My story of transformation, redemption and successful reentry created space for me to engage in dialogues with people in addressing the issues of school to prison pipeline, Prison Industrial Complex and deportation.
Politically, it was an honor for me to be a part of the Run Ed Run campaign in the city of San Francisco. We were able to successfully drafted Mayor Ed Lee to run for Mayor. With support from members of the community, we were able to make history by electing the first ever Chinese American Mayor.
I join the 16 weeks tele-course Peace Ambassador Training with renowned social healer James O’Dea and over a dozen of the top peace builders internationally. The intention is that participants will be deeply empowered in the coming months to become powerful peacemakers in their lives, homes and communities, as well as to become certified Peace Ambassadors for The Shift Network, playing a healing role in its global programs for the Summer of Peace 2012. This training has 5 pillars: Peace Within, Healing Personal and Collective Wounds, Communicating Peace, Mastering Systems Change, and Activating and Organizing for Peace. I look forward to cultivate the knowledge of peace and share them with others.
I was humble to receive two Community Service Awards from Chinatown Community Development Center of San Francisco and Project IMPACT of Stockton.
The beautiful and talented Joy Liu from Swash Design Studio updated my website www.eddyzheng.com. I started sharing the journal that I kept during my 11 months of solitary confinement in 2002 and 2003. Please visit my website.
Ben Wang, who is the filmmaker for the Richard Aoki documentary, started the documentary project “Breathin’ The Eddy Zheng Story.” We were able to reach our online fund raising goal through http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1218354395/breathin-the-eddy-zheng-story. Foundations and individuals from the community donated generously to the project.
I submitted a 5 minute video for the White House Initiative on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders’ “What’s Your Story” Video and Essay challenge. Out of 200 videos submitted, I made it to the top 20. If my video makes it to the top ten, it will be put on the White House website for public voting. The top winners of that voting will be invited to share their stories in person at the White House. I hope I will be one of those people.
As for my immigration status, there is a glimmer of hope in my request for a waiver of deportation (called the § 212(c) waiver) since my last hearing. On May 6, 2011, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled in a published precedent decision that I deserve a second chance to stay legally in the United States. The Court was reviewing the prior decision of the Board of Immigration Appeals (BIA) which had found I should be deported to China because of my convictions at age 16. The Ninth Circuit determined that the BIA decision against me was incorrect and incomplete, because it failed to consider one of the most important factors in my case – my value to the community. In the meantime, my case is back in front of the Immigration Judge. I’m waiting for a new merits hearing so I can demonstrate to the court that I’m worthy of getting my permanent legal residency back. While the court goes through its legal process, I’m still a participant in Immigration Customs and Enforcement’s (ICE) Intensive Supervision Appearance Program (ISAP.) I have to report to ISAP office once every two weeks, stay home once a week for a home visit and subject to voice recognition once a month. Also, I have to report to the ICE office once every six months. Though I dislike that hassles of supervision, it beats being locked up.
Life is good. As I embrace the year of 2012, I continue to count my blessings and be mindful of those who are less fortunate. I can never become who I am and be where I am at without the unending support from my family, friends and community. I’m always grateful and encouraged by your presence in my life. I implore you hold my actions accountable so I may learn to improve my shortcomings.
Some of the goals I have for this year are: take better care of my mental and physical health, prioritize my needs versus wants, continue to focus on multicultural youth leadership programs and promote racial harmony, be more organized so I may do more self development, staff development, relationship building with CBOs and communities nationally, listen more and talk less, make an effort to stay connected with friends, keep cultivating compassion for self and others.
Freedom is one breath away! It’s up to you to discover what freedom means to you. Please remember to appreciate the breath that is sustaining your beautiful life.
Happy new breath! Happy new day! Happy year of the Dragon!
I stayed up to ring in the New Year. I thought about my family and friends. The building was lively before the clock strikes midnight. Guys were singing, yelling and banging. It’s just another day of lockdown.
I slept all morning. Then I finished reading the book by Gao. I’m at the end of my cold. My sinus is partially blocked.
I wrote to S and talked about love and Mike. I only scratched the surface fo the topics. I’ll talk more in person.
I wrote to S a short letter to say hi. I sent the two letters I wrote two days ago.
Dinner was garbage. The cop said he felt ashamed to serve it to us. Chicken chucks with mashed potatoes, salad, spinach, bread, chocolate milk and watery pudding.
I wrote a couple of pages to J. I’ll send it out when I hear from her again. I don’t know where she is yet.
T made a spread around 9 o’clock. He sent it to me in a bag without flattening it out. It’s stuck outside my door. I’m hungry too. I’m staying up to wait for the Officer to give it to me.
New Year’s day. Another day. May the year gets me out of prison. I want to be released.
New Year’s eve. Everything seems to be overrated when it doesn’t apply to me. My reality is that I’m locked up in prison, in the hole and don’t know when I’m going to go home. There is a first time for everything. This is my first time spending New Year in the hole. The other times, at least the past 17 years, I had spent in prison. Time went by fast all year and all day.
I finished reading, “One Man’s Bible.” Yard was cancelled due to rescheduled for committee.
I received the denial of my first habeas on transfer. It’s a big blow for us. I was called for library. I saw Stephen briefly, I told him about my writ. He said we’ll go to the court of appeal. I shared with the lawyer how I felt. He filed the 115 appeal writ for me. I know he didn’t like hearing the writ being denied. I had good talk with Mr. J about Beijing. It’s good to be out for some fresh air.
I want to write some reflection, but I decided not to. It’s not important to me as the years go by. I saw Mek and thanked him for looking out.
The day went by fast. I got my old money canteen. I have enough food. I want to embrace the New Year with open mind and heart. The year will bring me my freedom! May I be free.
I felt sleepy after I got up for breakfast. I don’t know why I felt so tired. After shower, I ate breakfast and went to sleep. That was the morning.
I ate lunch and read the XXL mag. G dropped by briefly. He said the Governor approved a 71 year lifer’s release.
C/O B started a conversation with me during dinner time. He was wondering how I have people all over the world writing to me. He read articles about me. He said that my sentence was too harsh. I know he’s surprised that I have so many friends and felt jealous.
I received letters and cards from friends and family. I got a card from B, Mom with 3 pictures, K and 2 pictures, S, P and G. I love receiving mail.
I wrote to Mom and told her about A’s request for interview. I wrote to B, K and P. S told me about her love life. I have to think to answer her.
The day went by way too fast. I’m almost over with my cold. I need to write and study. May the Gods keep smiling at me and my family.
The lockdown was lifted and there was yard. I t looked cold out so I was well dressed. I still felt a little sick. The cold didn’t help. I was told that I had a 12:30 visit. I didn’t know who would show up.
I talked to T for a while. He seemed like a cool dude, but still has the gangster mentality. Somehow, I felt he was being dishonest. I walked a little, talked to C/O R about politics, and kicked it with S and C. I didn’t do any exercise because I didn’t feel in shape. I enjoyed being outside. I got a little something for T.
S showed up for the visit. She looked preoccupied. We had a great visit as usual. She hasn’t received my article. She talked to A. I gave her an update on my status. Then she told me about her relationship with D. We talked about love for a few quality minutes. She’s in love with dude based on correspondence. She hasn’t seen dude in three years. I knew there was something going on. I appreciate her sharing. We’ll get into more.
I was tired after the visit. I took a nap. I read and ate dinner. I wrote to S and gave her my feelings of the visit. I wanted to write to J, but I don’t feel like it.
I want to get well so I can work out. I hope all is well with my loved ones and friends.
I can do time like this if I can go home in a few months. It’s easy when I have the necessities: books, paper, pen, food, and stamps. I don’t miss watching TV or listening to music. Maybe it’s because I don’t’ think about it.
I ate well today. Breakfast and leftover for lunch. I didn’t get a visit so I took a nap. I finished reading Cat and Mouse. It’s entertaining. I’m reading Gao’s book. I like it. However, I need to write creatively and study my correspondence course. I’m being lazy. No excuses.
I wrote a letter to C and expressed myself poetically. I wrote a short letter to MC, X’s Mom. I hope he’ll write me.
T (my neighbor) wrote me a note and called a truce with me because he’s hungry. I don’t mind helping him out, but he’s a manipulator. I’ll treat him accordingly.
I’m getting over this cold. I need to exercise again. May I be well soon.
I thought about the book Odyssey as I was reading the Cat and Mouse book. Then I realized what Dong Xi Feng was hinting by giving me that book to read. I’m expressing the Odyssey. Hopefully my road home is here. I’m at the end of my journey home. I will reach the destination soon. What a metaphor.
My nose was stuffed up last night. I couldn’t even breathe. I thought it was due to food I ate that had caused it. I had a headache so I took an Aspirin and a DIPHENHYDRAMINE. I went to sleep late, I felt better after I got up.
I was hoping for a visit, but no one came. I read the Dec 23 Chronicle and The Cat and Mouse.
I received a letter from J, a card from M, a card from P and a postcard from Father O. He said that TL is in Avenal. J is going home for x-mas, but she didn’t tell me.
I’m reading Gao’s “A Man’s Bible.” I like his writing so far.
I ate well tonight. I had a spread. I got full. My uso looked out for me. The police came by with rubber mallets to check the bars on second tier.
I’m feeling low, but okay. I don’t trip on too much right now.
I have a headache. My nose is congested. I’m still feeling sick. My lower back is hurting from sleeping too much. I made a spread and shared with T. I ate a lot. I read.
I went to library. It was raining. I saw the lawyer briefly. I was good to talk to him. I heard the cops are messing with Mike. He might be going to the hole. I got to get some fresh air.
I received a letter from M, Yuri, C, K and MC. I also got a letter from KW. M wanted to come see me, but couldn’t get an appointment. I’m glad that she’s thinking of me. Yuri thanked me for getting the info on E for her. K sent me the articles. C said hi. M sent me a family update letter. It took about 3 months for me to get the letters.
KW sent me back the 115 appeal. He didn’t send it to L as I asked him. The lawyer talked to CC about my issues. I don’t like KW’s inconsistent and nonchalant ways. I wrote to him and told him to help me with the parole situation only. If I get OSC on my writs, I’m asking CC to get appointed. If he doesn’t like it, I’ll fire him.
I wrote to CC and told him my decision. I asked the lawyer to do my writ on the 115. I hope things will work out accordingly.
I wrote to M, Yuri, and K. I’ll write to C and MC Sunday. I have plenty to read. I hope I’ll feel better tomorrow. I got my Harper’s magazine. I feel good receiving some letters today.
May Mike stay strong and wear off the evils. May my family and friends be well. May I be home soon.
Another day. Feeling cold, hot, congested, tired. Took a pill and went to sleep early. Read and slept all day. Did yoga.
Christmas Eve. Two years ago at the same date I got out of the hole. This time I have no idea how much longer I have to stay here. I don’t really think about it too much. I do what I can to stay focused on now. How am I able to survive this period in the hole? It’s easy. I let go of what I can’t control. It’s difficult to do. Age does help a person see the world differently.
I got some much needed sleep to get better from the cold. I feel better now.
I received a letter from Wilma Chan saying she can’t help me. I got stamped copy on request for extension. The mailroom opened it accidently.
I read all day. It’s just another day.
I’m not feeling well. It’s been chilly and somehow I’m coming down with something. I showered and took a nap.
I received my canteen today. Now I’m stocked up for X-mas.
G dropped by and told me Yuri called him. That’s cool. He told me about the excellent Chinese restaurant on Embarcadero “Slanted Door.” He promised he’ll take me there for dinner after I get out.
I received the stamped copy of the Informal Reply from Marin. It was filed 12/20. The lawyer did a great job as usual. He sent me a copy and notes. I appreciate the people who signed the declarations on my status on the mainline.
I messed up in ICC by telling them that I didn’t have to exhaust my appeal in the Director’s level. I can’t afford to make any more mistakes.
I wrote to KW again. He has not responded to me. I hope he had sent the 115 appeal to the lawyer. If not, I might have to consider firing him. I asked him to come see me, write to CSR to appeal my transfer and to BPT. I hope he’ll handle my business.
I got the December Coastal Post. H still sends it to me monthly. I’ve been reading the “Simple Truth” by David Baldacci. I like it.
I didn’t do any study. I haven’t been exercising either. I need to shape up.
My neighbors are flooding their cells. T and other were taunting JH who would respond by saying, “shut up you nigger bitch, lay your pussy down.” Those people have no respect for themselves.
I’m staying up later than usual to read. The building has been quiet at night lately. I slept in the morning until the search team came in to search the building. I have too much stuff for them to look through so they left after taking some paper bags. We’re still on lockdown.
I read Harper’s mag. I started reading a courtroom drama book. I wrote a few lines to ZY in an autumn card. He’ll be surprised to hear from me. He probably looks at me as his rival .Oh well. I’m in a way. I haven’t event try yet.
I wrote to J and talked to her about my childhood school mates. I set her my biographic poem. I don’t think I had sent it to her or she would’ve commented on it.
I need to start studying or writing. I hope all is working out accordingly for me and my friends.
I slept in again and finished reading the Sun magazine. I ate a lot, but I was craving some sweets. I lay around all day. I did go out for shower. I talked to T for a minute and gave him a set of thermal and some toothpaste.
The dope fiends are nicking for tobacco. It was going for 1 for 3 (One pouch of tobacco for three books of stamps.) It’s outrageous. Most people are out of tobacco, the one who has, made a killing.
I didn’t do much all day. I was hoping for a visit, but I didn’t get one. It’ll be another week before I may get one. I need to study my course material. May this just be a phase. I have to get creative. There has to be an urgency to do it. I can’t keep wasting time and making excuses for myself. I don’t want to think too much so I can deal with this time in the hole. It’ll feel strange for me to be in a new prison. I have to be patient and wait.
It’s lockdown time so no yard. I slept in the morning and read. I finished reading the Odyssey. I saw the movie, but I like the reading.
I received the Director’s level appeal on my Ad Seg lockup. It was denied as expected. I don’t know if I should pursue it in the court since I have the issue covered in the writs. I’ll wait.
I didn’t hear from KW at all and I don’t like it. At least he should acknowledge me. I have no communication with my lawyer. I didn’t feel like doing much.
The storm is raging once again. There’s wind, rain, lightning and thunder. I hope the weather will get better tomorrow in case S decides to come visit me. I don’t want her to come in such nasty weather. It’s been gloomy all day.
I slept in. I didn’t feel like studying or be creative. That’s not good, but I got to do something about it. I read some magazine stories. I received a postcard from A that was sent 12/3. She liked what I had to say during the parole hearing. She wants to interview Sis and my parents in the next month or so for the documentary. I wrote her back and thanked her.
I wrote to M and told her what happened with my parole hearing. I sent F a bday card. I wrote S a letter, but I decided not to get involve with her situation and threw the letter away.
G came by to visit. He told me about the Rosencraze decision. It’s not good for the lifers. G wrote letter to the Governor and expressed his feelings on his no parole policy.
The lockdown ruined all the scheduled programs. I got a postcard from O. The cop gave it to the wrong cell. I’m glad I got it back. She sent it from India. She was there traveling and attending a conference on human rights. I’m sure she’s back in Hong Kong now. It’s great to hear from her. I knew she’s away from her place since I didn’t hear from her.
There will be no yard for another week due to the institution lockdown. I have to exercise inside. May all beings be well.
The rumor is that the prison will be on lockdown until Monday. The administration is milking the incident of attempted escape. Someone dropped a note.
I slept in again and had REM moments. A few guys were yelling on the top of their lungs early in the morning. I had to put my earplugs on. I read newspaper and book in the afternoon. R went to Security West so he can go to East Block, anything to get some smoke and hot food.
I received the letter from Mom telling me she’ll visit. It took over three weeks. I received a letter from EB and a postcard of Chinatown. It’s a surprise to hear from him. He wrote the letter as he said he would. I wrote a few people and sent them Christmas cards. I wrote to Mon, EB, A, S, C, R, CC, and A. I expressed my appreciation for their support of me. My nights are usually spent on writing letters.
I read the article a few more times. I like how it turned out. I hope C will send it to S right away. I wonder what’s up with KW. He needs to get busy with my appeal.
May my family and friends be well, especially those who are struggling.
The yard was cancelled due to an institutional lockdown. I was ready for yard after a healthy breakfast. I went back to sleep since I didn’t sleep well last night. The storm let up and it was nice outside.
I didn’t do my studies as I should have. I read instead. I’m behind on reading my magazines. I went to library and made copies and did research. I had deadlines. I talked to B for a little. I met a Vietnamese due V. I didn’t see the lawyer. I didn’t hear from the court on my relief. I got my article back. It was typed and edited. They lawyer did an excellent job. I have much to learn to become a better writer.
I wrote to CC and sent him the article. He’ll forward it accordingly. I wrote to G and gave her a head’s up on A. I sent J a Christmas card. I wrote to KW, S, S, SB, D and KA. I sent KA a Spanish poem and the SF article. Hopefully I can get my writings published in a chapbook.
I need to do some exercise in the cell to stay in shape. I’ve been lazy since there’s no yard. Things will be all right in no time. I have faith all will work out.
I slept in this morning. I had a dream that involved P and Dad. I called somewhere, P answered the phone and told me that he gave money to Dad to make a ring for me. I don’t know what that meant.
There was a big storm last night. The wind must’ve been blowing about 60 miles per hour. The power went out for a few hours this morning. I read the Odyssey for a while. I didn’t feel like doing anything else.
I received a letter from Judge A granting all of my extensions to reply to the AG. The AG asked and was granted an extension. January will be the month things unfold.
I received a big envelop from J. she sent me a China Daily, two Beijing Weekly and four letters. It took 3 weeks for me to get it. She told me she’s learning Jiujisu. What a coincident. What stood out most was her telling me that she told A that she fell in love with me. I couldn’t believe that she felt that way. A had asked her if she’s in love with me. After she saw the way J treated me. J fell in love with me during our correspondence, but she was afraid to tell me. She has had a better understand about love. She loves me, but she’s not in love with me. I feel the same way. I don’t know what will happen in the future. I just go with the flow. I wrote her back and expressed how I felt on the topic. I also gave her A’s info as requested. I hope she doesn’t trip on my responses. ZY even asked her about whether she’s in love with me. May she be happy in her environment right now. I need to get some writings done.
The wind is howling outside. No rain in sight yet. However, this morning was wet. I went to yard hoping to enjoy the air and exercise. After an hour or so, it started dripping. Then it turned into pouring rain. It was cold and wet. I had a chance to talk to L about the system and his attitude. He listened to me intently. I was getting through to him with sandwich methods of criticism and encouragement. I enjoyed talking to him.
I came back and had a great lunch. I read the magazine and took note on different exercises. Then I wrote KW a letter and sent him my post board decision. I hope he handled business and send SL the appeal denial
I wrote to A and gave her a run down on my possibilities. I thanked her for being a great friend and gave her some contact information of other friends. I hope she will take care of business for me. She has good intention like many of my friends. I need her to follow through.
My thoughts go out to all my friends and my family. May they be blessed with love and strength and health. May I be free soon.
It wasn’t raining in the morning. D told me I had a 11 o’clock visit. I wondered who’s coming to see me. I drank a big cup of Cadillac and read the Sun. I showered and felt good.
I waited for a while before A showed up. I thought no one would show up again. She said they made her take all her clothes off and that’s why she was late. I told her I wished I was there and got her laughing. I wasn’t focused and engaged throughout the visit because I worried about the time. My nose was sniffing due to the stuffy room. A told me that she had meet with Yuri, S and M about doing an event in February. They brainstormed on how to help us and what focus to take. A wants to help me get out of prison. She doesn’t know Mike and Rico. She’s willing to work with them. Folks from Asian Resource Center wanted to get involved. She talked about the youth wanting to take a stance on the immigrant issue. She asked me to write something. She also wanted to know about any legal battles of Ad Seg. If I get an evidentiary hearing, she will bring all the kids to show support. I hope that’ll happen. She talked about her job, family and her experience with the dude who cheated her. I want to help her, but felt it’s better to let her handle it. I will be her ears and give her support. I was able to express my appreciation for her. She watched me put on my jacket and beanie and whispered that I look good. As I get ready to leave, she blew me a kiss. The Sergeant made a big deal because I took time to say good bye. He threated that I will not be able to visit if I delay it again. I didn’t like his attitude.
It started to rain as I walked back to my cell. I wish I had more time with A. I didn’t like that we can’t get comfortable and talk. I hate feeling restricted. I like it that A cares so deeply about me, but I need her to be more responsible and consistent. We’ll have to talk about that. I wanted to write to her right away, but decided not to.
I read the book Wholes Son by Donald Goines all afternoon and night. I was able to write to the lawyer. I had a good chat with D. He’s cool. I have plenty to do.
Mom turns 67 today. May she be healthy and happy. I hope the Gods will continue to watch over her and bless her. I will be out to take care of her. May the spirit show me the way.
Mr. K dropped by early to check on my studies. I told him about my status. He’s happy that I started the lessons. Selfish motives? I want to study and review the lessons, but I didn’t get far. I read the Odyssey for a while. Then I read the blender.
G came by. We had good conversation on politic and the community workshop he attended.
I received a letter from P. She sent me some pictures of animals. I appreciate her for checking in with me
I got my 115 appeal back. It’s denied I truly hope the court will dismiss it. It’s totally bogus. I couldn’t make copies tonight. I sent it to KW. I asked him to send the original to my lawyer. He has to decide if he’s going to want to file the writ for me or take care of the Ad Seg issue. I hope to see him next week.
I wrote to S and told her I couldn’t send the article to her as she expected. It’s still being edit. I shared the passing out of baggies story with her. I sent K a letter.
I asked C/O T whether he had inventoried my property. He said it’s still sitting in the property room. He said he heard that I’ll be going back to the mainline. I double checked with him. He said that’s what he had heard. I wish it’s true, but I would bet against it. However, deep inside there is a tiny bit of hope that I would.
The Gods are in control. I just go with the plan. May my friends be well.
It’s a down day. I rested and read the play by Gao Xin Jian. The play is like Greek mythology. I liked it. I’m glad I read it. I want to read his other writings.
I didn’t do much because my light bulbs were out. It got fixed tonight after I told the captain. He took care of business. I wrote to KW and asked him to come visit me. I want to see if he’s willing to take over my writs. I wrote to P and asked her about publishing my writings. She might have some ideas. She wants t be my editor if I write a book. I wrote to S and told her about my visit and writing. I wrote to O in bilingual. She’ll be happy to hear from me.
I didn’t get any mail today. I don’t’ know what they’re doing with my 115 appeal. Hopefully they’re not trying some more underhand stuff.
May I be protected from any more harm. I need to get productive.
Yard was cancelled. I got a chance to catch up on some sleep. I got the writing done this morning. I didn’t feel that the article was well written because I rushed it. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some critique before I send it out.
I went to the library and did my research and copies. On the way back, I saw some church people were passing out little bags of shampoo, soap and a bible to prisoners. What a way to force religion on people! I was able to talk to L briefly. He offered to help me, but I didn’t need anything from him. It was good seeing L as usual.
I received the A.G’s request for extension on the writ 3. I received letters from P, K, P and PC. I also got some Christmas cards from the chapel I was late after I got back from library. I wrote to A and told her what happened with me. I sent Mom a bday card. It was a surprise to hear from PC. He wanted to interview me, visit me or have me call him. I wrote him back and sent him a visiting form. Let’s see how that turns out. The Guardian read and liked my article. He’s been helpful. K sent me a couple of wedding pictures. She looked happy.
I was tired so I turned in early.
The light was dimmed, but my spirit was high. I was determined to finish my article because I had put off it too long. So I stayed up until two in the morning and write. I didn’t finish until this morning. It was difficult for me to write. I got spoiled of having a computer and word processor to do my writing. My concentration was off. I know the writing needs editing. Hopefully I’m not too far off.
I received the injunctions filed in Marin. The A.G. filed the reply on the First Informal response. It denied any violation of course. Hopefully the judge will look at all the evidence and rule in our favor.
I finally received the poem S sent me. P did a great job with the poem from knowing me only a short period. He has a good heart. Say wrote me a support letter with the help of MW. I appreciate his effort. He’s moved back with his Mom. I wrote to A and gave her an update. I shot Say a few lines and encouraged him to do good.
I had a productive day.
The mornings are freezing. I went to the yard. There are six people left on the yard. S trimmed my hair for me. No one knows how to cut my hair after H left. I’ll have to wait. It was freezing. We played a game of basketball and shot around. C and I did 10 Brown Eagle. I was able to do 6 straight. C gave me his hook up so we can keep in touch. I like him because we were able to be honest with each other.
I came back and had lunch. My light started to blink. It bothered me. I wrote four letters. I sent K an issue of the Sun. I wrote to S, R, and P. then I spent time to write the article. I hope I can finish it and send it out this week. I’m having a hard time writing it.
My days are flying. However, things are uncertain. I’ll get some news this week about my legal issues. May all my loved ones be well. I had a good day.
As expected I was told that I have a visit at 11. After I took a shower I started on writing my article. I was only able to write a few lines. It’s different to get a flow going. Then I went to my visit.
I was out there at about 10:35. Mom and Dad showed up at 11:05. I was glad that they made it on time. We were happy to see each other for the first time in 6 months. They commented on my hair first, then my face. Mom said I looked good. We talked about everything. I was able to talk to Dad for a while. He spoke about the unfairness of the law and system, especial the governor. He was venting and criticizing him. He said he didn’t vote for Davis. He said he had changed his mind about the law in America. He used to think that I must have done something wrong that’s why I didn’t get out. Now he’s aware of the politics and the flawed law. I felt good seeing and listening to him. He was visually upset that I’m still being kept in prison. Mom said Dad finally woke up and realized the truth. I appreciate his sharing. Mom thought that I only had an hour to visit so she kept fighting for the phone with Dad to talk to me. Dad kept hushing her off so he could talk to me. He was very animated. I enjoyed our dialogue. Mom’s leg joint is bothering her. She has health problems. I hope she can take better care of herself. Mom told me everything that she could think of about the family. We laughed a lot.
I had to go the restroom and Mom saw me being handcuffed for the first time. She didn’t like it, but she dealt with it all right. I made sure she’s not tripping. We had two and a half hours of visit. They told me as long as I get out, they’ll take care of the rest. I’m aware that they’re getting older. Dad looked better than Mom. I know the Gods will look out for them. Everyone is doing well. I felt good seeing them. Mom said she sent the money to M. The mail is slow.
I came back and ate lunch. I spent the rest of the day writing my article. I got stuck for a while. I did get some paragraphs done. I want to finish it ASAP. I don’t know how I’m going to end it. I’ll have to get it done.
It’s been a productive day. God bless my parents.
I was wondering if I would get a visit from S before I went to the yard. Then I was told that I have a visit at 8:00. I didn’t know if it was S or A since it was so early. I thought if I was S, she’s spoiling me. I start looking forward to see her. S came up around 8 and stayed until 9:20. I told her that she’s spoiling me. She thanked me for giving her the opportunity. She visited W. He sent his love. I told her in detail about the hearing. She’s supportive of me as usual. We always have great conversations. We talked about how people, friends and family are okay with them helping prisoners, but reject them for having relationships. We didn’t have a chance to explore the topic in detail. She’s leaving for Oregon to see her parents. I’ll see her when she comes back. I told her I’ll have the article waiting for her.
I went to yard and talked to D for an hour. We hit off well. I spent the rest of the day writing the article. I’m making progress, but it’s slow. I’m shooting to finish it tomorrow.
My lights went out by the bed. I have a hard time seeing. I received some magazines. The Sun magazine arrived. I’ll send one to K.
KW sent me the two support letters and a note. My lawyer sent me my legal work back and his feelings on the different writs. He’s doing a great job. He’s very encouraging and optimistic. I appreciate that. May he be right. I pray that Mike and Rico are well and take care of business. God bless.
I spent the day attempting to write the article, but I couldn’t do much. I did manage to write a few paragraphs. My deadline will be on Saturday. I’ll do my best to get it done so I can get it edit and print.
I took time to write to P, A, M and R. I had to rushed K’s letter because the guard picked up mail early, I sent her no redemption. I did not waste my time today.
This week went by pretty fast. I got things to do and battles to fight. I hope I’ll be able to stay focused. May the great spirit guide me to the right direction.
It was a day of rest. I’d planned to write my article, but I was only able to do some brainstorm. I didn’t feel confident on how to write it. I just have to do it. I decided to write letters to let people know about my hearing. I wrote to S, B, C, G, and C I had to repeat myself many times. I still have more to write.
I received a letter from K. She sent me the program for the wedding mass. I recognized a couple of songwriters. She expressed her thoughts on the ugly side effects created by US tourism. She’s being critical. I wrote her back and told her what happened with my struggles.
I got the stamped copy of my latest writ. I was right about the delay. The mailroom didn’t think it was legal mail at a glance. I feel good about myself.
I haven’t look at my Statistic since I sent my first assignment out. I’ll need an extension for sure.
May I be able to complete my article by Sunday. May the Gods keep smiling and blessing me and my loved ones.
The past few mornings have been cold until the sun came out. I walked around the yard to warm up, but my hands were red from the cold. C and I did Brown Eagle to get a quick pump. We were able to do 5 sets straight instead of 10. It’s different than doing one exercise at a time. The mixture of 3 exercises without getting up takes a lot of shoulder strength. I felt good after the exercise. I talked to J for a while. He’s sympathetic about my parole situation.
G dropped by before I went to the library. I told him what happened with the hearing. He was happy for me. He told me his observation of N.
The mainline is on quarantine because of Chicken Pox. I wrote to the lawyer. Hopefully he’ll give me some feedback soon. I told the librarian what happened. I talked to a couple of condemn guys there, R and V.
I received the AG’s request for extension approval. I have until 2/7/03 to reply. I wrote to A, Fr. O, Yuri, Mom and sent a bday card to J. I told them about my hearing
I was able to talk to Mom on the phone. She’s scheduled to see me Saturday. She realized that she hasn’t seen me for almost 6 months. I was good talking to her. Alton said hi. Sis is in Hawaii with her family, I’m glad she has a chance to relax and spend some time with N and A.
I got a postcard from Fr. O. He just wanted to acknowledge my poems. I have to get busy the next two days with writing. May I be motivated to write. I have to do it for us.
I still feel peaceful. I’m grateful for my spiritual and emotional state. I saw a few guys while under escort. R to me that KK got his date back. That’s great for him. I hope he gets out soon.
May all my friends be safe and well, especially Rico and Mike. May the Gods continue to look out for me and my family.
It’s been a long day. I got up debating whether I should shower or not. I recited my closing statement. Then I decided to shower. I was ready for the parole hearing.
I felt peaceful inside. I read the newspaper, took a nap, recited the closing a couple of times. I remembered a song about peace and love. I sang that for a few times and felt peace. I mediated and did the fire of breath. I made myself lunch. Finally, at around 12:30, Officer E escorted me to the board room.
The officer in the broad room asked what was I doing in Ad Seg. They were shocked to see me there. I waited in a 2 x 3 cage. CS was there for his hearing. We talked briefly. He came out after 40 minutes. He just hopes he doesn’t get a two years denial. I talked to him about his health and other topic. I talked to his attorney AS for a few minutes. It took a while for the deliberation. I told CS that he’ll either get a date or a split decision. I found out later on he got a split decision. Good for him.
I talked to my attorney KW at about 3:10. We went over the 115 issue and my request for postponing the hearing pending appeal. We agreed that we’re ready. He was dressed sharp in his suit.
The camera crew showed up. We were mic. Around 3:45, we stated the hearing. I’d never seen the commissioners Mr. R and Deputy Commissioner L. We went through our normal procedures. Then got into my crime. Mr. R didn’t ask me too many questions. I did my best to talk about the crime and expressed my remorse. I was thrown off by their lack of questioning. Mr. L went into the self-help and my 115. He harped on the 115. I explained to him my version of the situation. KW asked for a postponement if they’re going to use the 115 to deny my parole. They didn’t go for it. We talked about my parole plan and support. I had 27 support letters. However, they didn’t want to read them into the record. I asked them to do so, but Mr. R refused. KW did a great job on the closing statement. He made sure to state the legal aspect of their decision cannot base on my crime. He covered what the board neglected to mentioned. I made my statement. I felt rehearsed and stiff until the end. I was able to cover all that I wanted to say. I got choked up at the last couple of sentences. We stopped for deliberation.
The commissioners asked to use the phone. Five minutes later, they were ready for a decision. They decided to continue the hearing until my appeal on the 115 is finalized. Mr. L felt that it was an important factor in deciding my suitability. They’ll probably see me in about 2 months. That’s a good sign. It’s what I wanted at first. It’s a small victory for me. By the time I go back, the 115 should get dismissed. Maybe a couple of my Ad Seg issues will be heard by then. My lawyer will be happy. I asked KW if he will help me with my Ad Seg issues. He said yes. I’ll have to confer with my friend first.
Officer D gave me a rundown on what he thought about my hearing. He was very observant. I got back to the cell around 5:45. I felt good and a little excited about my chances and my future. I want to be home next year. I couldn’t eat my dinner right away because I was pumped.
I received a letter from the Attorney General asking for a 45 days extension on the second order dealing with my Ad Seg detainment. I got my Harper’s magazine for December. I didn’t get my November issue.
I wrote to J and told her what happened. I sent a bday card to Alton. He won’t be able to read it, but his Mom will read it. I hope she appreciates my gesture to reach out to Alton. I wrote to KW and gave him some information I got from the C/O. He’ll be glad to hear that. I wrote to A and thanked her and her crew for being there. I’m sure she’ll let G know what had transpired. I wrote to Mom, but it was too late to send the letter out. I asked KW to call Sis. She’ll tell Mom what happened.
I thank all the Gods, people and spirits who are looking out for me. All the prayers paid off. I shall be released.
The night before the big day – my parole hearing. There will be drama. There will also be many people praying for me. I’m ready for whatever the outcome. I don’t feel nervous right now. I recited the closing statement for a few times. I will do my best to respond to all questions in detail.
I went to the yard. It was cold out. I played some basketball and did 5 Brown Eagle exercises. I felt good. I ate and took a nap. I’m going to relax tonight.
May my future be bright and may I be home soon. All praise to the creator.
The end of the month brought me some unpleasant feeling. What started out to be a wonderful day ended up on a low note. I was informed that I had a visit at 12:30. I was happy to know that. I wonder who would be coming to see me. The surprise of seeing a friend adds t the excitement. I did a little reviewing of my paperwork until time for the visit. After I got to the visiting room, I had a feeling that no one would show up. I thought about many reasons why my visitor hasn’t show up. After 30 minutes, I gave up tripping about it. I sat there from 12:20 to 1:30. I was disappointed that no one showed up. I don’t know why my visitor didn’t show up or who that may be. I don’t like to be let down and set up, even it’s unintentionally.
I took a nap after I got back and woke up feeling low. I wrote to J about it. I finished writing my closing statement for board. I hope I’ll be able to speak it from the heart. My mind is blank in a way. I don’t know what to expect in the hearing. I’ll go with it. May the Gods look out for me.
It’s was bitterly cold outside. My hands were freezing even after I walked for over an hour.
It felt like weekend. I was hoping for a visit and S showed up about 9:35. She had to go change because she had a half shirt on underneath her black sweat. We had a great time talking about new developments and our feelings about life and our transformations. She thinks very highly of me. I’m grateful to have her as my friend. She brings inspiration and love in my life. She’s been there for me. Our friendship blossomed in the past few months.
Her friend is struggling to come up with a way to break off her relationship without hurting the friendship. She’s having internal battles. It’s difficult for her because she has no one to talk to that will understand her reasoning. I asked her to hold off for a while until the right timing. We need to stick with each right now. Young people have so much to learn about relationships. They often get overwhelmed by the moments and make rushed decisions. I t doesn’t mean that their intentions were not genuine. They just have to experience more things and learn. I hope she’s all right.
I know my friend will feel the hit and break, but he’ll overcome. I feel very close to S. We were able to bond without limitation mentally. Her parents live in Oregon.
The writer C wants to write something about our plight. I’ll have to get my article done next week and shoot it out. It’s crucial that I write about what happened from the heart. People will understand more coming from me.
We were able to have some extra time to visit. S left at 11:15. She’ll visit W on Sunday. That’ll be a surprise and cool visit.
I went out to the yard afterward and did a few quick sets of Brown Eagle. I got pumped quick.
I wrote to J about Zheng He and Chinese history
I wanted to write my article and closing speech, but I didn’t feel like it. I wanted to get ready for the hearing, but I realized that I’m ready and I‘ve been ready. It’s all about speaking from the heart and be mindful in the delivery.
The Gods are looking out for me. The people will be praying for me. I will be victorious. I should be release! May my family and friends be happy and healthy. May Rico, Mike and Stephen be strong in their conviction to fight for their rights. We will overcome and win.
It’s Thanksgiving. I have plenty to be thankful for. In Ad Seg, it’s just another day.
I read through some of the old support letters from friends over the years. I felt encouraged by their comments.
I wrote to J about how I felt about being let down by friends She’ll feel guilty and respond to my writing.
Another day closer to the hearing.
The day went by fast. I received my active writs and transcript and reports. I received 3 letters from J. She wrote a support letter for me. I wrote a couple of pages to her about my denying of feelings. I’ll write more.
I received another order for Informal response from Judge A. I have 3 orders so far. December will be an interesting month in dealing with my Ad Seg issues. I received advice from the lawyer. He suggested that I raise my issues in the hearing and let BPT postpone it. He filed another motion for me. I appreciate his help.
“The creator promises that as we walk through the water they won’t overwhelm us and as we pass through the fire it won’t burn us. But we have to pass through these trails. What is important is that we don’t despair, don’t faint, don’t fear. Never let fear, pain or doubt overcome the love in your heart. It’s easy for your body to give into fatigue and pain and for your heart to grow weary and love grow cold because of fear and doubt. Never focus on the obstacles or problems – look above to the heavens where our creator and his armies are ready to help us.” The words of a friend. I pray that our victories are near.
I had a dream that I went home and saw Dad and Mom. Mom was sleeping when I went in her room. I lay down next to her and she jumped up with surprise. Dad was cooking in the kitchen. The house was low. I was with 4 other people. Someone drove me home for the visit twice.
It started as a cold morning, turned into a sunny and warm one. I took some laps by myself. C didn’t come out due to a lockdown in East Block. I didn’t feel like working out. However, S and I got down anyway. We did our yoga routine and did some pushups. I did about 620 pushups. Then we ran 5 laps. It was nice.
I was scheduled to go the law library. I was a surprise. However, the library was cancelled due to an emergency count, I think. I wasn’t happy about that. I had to make some copies.
I took a nap. Then I read through my hearing transcript from last year. I want to get ready for the hearing. I didn’t touch the article.
I didn’t receive or send out any letters tonight. G did dropped me a note saying that US was not bombing Iraq.
T kept begging me to give him some stamps so he can smoke. I denied his requests. He has to earn his trust from me.
I asked the captain for a phone call and he said yes. However, he didn’t arrange for me to make it tonight.
I’m not in a creative mode. I need to do something about that.
May I be able to convince the BPT to give me a date. May I be home soon. May my family and friends be well.
I couldn’t get stated on my article. I was able to do some brainstorming and jotted down some notes. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish the article this week. I may have to wait till after the parole hearing. That might be a better time.
I went to my interview for the appeal on my 115. Mr. R read through my appeal in front of me and asked me some questions. He’s obviously biased. He had formed an opinion about my situation and guilty verdict. He did jot down some notes. I asked him to be fair and impartial. He said that he will and that I should get my appeal back soon. I didn’t feel good after the interview. He doesn’t care about the facts of my appeal and how they had violated my due process rights. I guess I had to take it to the court.
G came by. I told him what happened. He told me he talked to N. It’s clear that he’s in denial about his situation. I hope I can help lift his spirit up.
Bush started war today on Iraq.
I received a letter from A. He sent me a copy of this support letter. He wants to know any updates on my situation. I wrote him back and gave him an update. I appreciate his support. It’s good to have friend reached out and touched me.
I got some magazines from my neighbor next door. I have to get my acts together.
It was overcast in the early morning. I was informed that I had a visit at 9:10. I was excited and wondered who might visit me. However, when I got out there, my visit was cancelled. I don’t know who had set an appointment to see me. I guess I’ll find out later on. I was disappointed.
The sun peeped out briefly. I had a good workout with C and S. They’re good workout partners because they’re willing to listen and participate. We did yoga to warm up. Then we did arm windmills. We ran 5 laps, then 10 laps with mountain climbers, then 5 more laps. Then we did 100 single leg squats, 5 crossover lunges, 80 6 counts of burpees and 4 sets of 25 Jasiris. Then we warm down with yoga. I was sweating.
I ate and took a nap. Then I read. I didn’t write until after dinner. I finished the opening. I have a long way to go, but I got distracted by the book again. I plan to write it the next couple of days. I was able to write on my closing statement for the board hearing. I need to take advantage my time to prepare for the hearing. I haven’t touched my correspondence course since I sent my homework out. I don’t have much time left to study.
The lawyer reached out and touched me. I appreciate that gesture.
I’ll have to bear down. I’ll finish reading the book tonight. May the Gods look out for me. I’m ready.
My plan to write my article was deferred due to my lack of discipline. Instead of writing, I read all day. I got hooked on reading the Kung Fu book. I didn’t follow through my plan. I take full responsibility.
I did not receive any letters today. I did receive the order granting my 30 days extension from Judge A. That’s good in case I needed more time. I will inform the lawyer.
It’s overcast this morning. C, S and I walked for an hour or so before we played a couple of games of basketball. H cheated as usual. I had fun with the two brothers. We talked about music.
After yard, I was able to talk to J for a while. I showed my article. He’s curious about me. We talked for a long time. He’s willing to be my character witness. He believed that I should be released. I appreciate his comments.
I relaxed and read for the rest of the day. I got some Kung Fu books and a literature book. I read the Kung Fu book years ago. I’m reading it again. I’ll need to write my article tomorrow.
May my creative juice help me. May the creators continue to bless me and my loved ones.
It’s L’s birthday. May she be happy.
I was only able to finished writing the beginning of my article. I will have to get it done before mail out Sunday night. I need to get it out there for publishing.
I went to library to do my research and copies. The count was late so I had time to write to the lawyer. I received a letter from G. She’s happy that I broke down, sort of. It’s cool. She doesn’t know any better.
I got my letters back from KW and his letter to BPT. He did a good job. I got the copy of response by the warden. She didn’t say anything specific on why I pose a threat if I stay in SQ. I hope the court will order my stay. My writ on my legal deadline issue was filed on 11/18. I’ll get a copy soon.
No incoming personal letters or outgoing. I saw Stephen briefly. He’s optimistic about the future. I hope that he’s right. I pray that he’s well and able to maintain the fighting spirit.
May my friends M and R and their families be well. May my family and friends be well. May I be free and home with my loved ones.
I dreamt that Jackie Chan asked me to work for him. It was weird. I slept a couple of more hours and felt good.
I plan to write my article, but I didn’t feel like it. I read magazines instead. I got my canteen. I didn’t ordered much because I thought I would get First Draw old money. I didn’t write any letter or received any. I did brainstorm on the article a bit. I got the stamped copy of ex parte request for extension.
I had a relaxed day.
The day went by fast. I was able to bear down and finished my first lesson of Statistic. I can do the calculations, but I had a problem with the concepts and terms. I submitted my lesson according to the guidelines. I received a postcard from Ohio reminding me to start my lesson.
I received Mom’s letter and found out what her worries were about. She sent me an article on prisoners assaulting staff in Lancaster prison. She’s worried that I’ll get in trouble if I get sent to prisons like that. I wrote her back and reasoned with her. I don’t like her putting pressure and guilt trip on me. I get stressful knowing she’s worried about nothing. I also wrote to Roger and asked him to call her.
I got a letter from J. She moved. She didn’t write a support letter for me because she said she doesn’t know how. What can I do? My best friends don’t even write letter for me. I was writing to her, but decided to wait.
I received my last issue of The Sun magazine. It’s been a productive day.
It was chilly outside, but the sun was out. I knew I had a visit at 9:30 so I worked out early. C didn’t make it out. S and I did yoga and pushups. He’s not in shape to keep up with me yet. We had a good workout.
KW and I visited for about an hour and thirty minutes. We covered the necessary issues to prepare for the hearing. He’s going to file a writ on my recession denial. As long as he’ll help me, I have actions in getting out in the next year or two. KW told me that A requested to film the hearing. We don’t know if the prison will like it and let her in. I felt confident after the visit. No matter what happens in the parole hearing, things will be all right.
There’s a cell extraction around 11:30. It’s the first one I had witnessed. The prisoners were divided in how they feel about the extraction.
G came by to visit. He had talked to N. That’s good news. G started to visit men on Death Row. He’s writing a book about his ministry in prison.
I wrote to Yuri and let her know what happened. She’ll be happy to know that. I wrote Mom a short letter to calm her mind. I felt I was a little harsh on her in my previous letter.
I wrote to J and sent her tow support letters as examples. I wanted to jump on her about not writing a letter for me, but I decided not to. She’s insensitive in issues like that. I have to talk to her face to face about it. Since she’s moved, she might not have received my other letters.
I didn’t receive any letters. My 602 on 3355 was finally processed after the fourth time and two months later. I think my writ has something to do with it. Let’s see how they’ll like it when they have to answer to the judge.
It’s been an all right day.
It was nippy in the morning when I took some laps with R. I did what I could to screw him on staying alive.
I went to visit at around 9:20. Roger got there around 9:45. He wanted to make sure whether I’ll get transfer or not. He also talked to Mom and she’s worried as usual. She wanted to visit me before I get moved. I told Roger to help her set an appointment after my parole hearing. I have to let her see for herself that I’m all right. Time went by quickly when Roger and I got into a conversation. He’s been a good brother to me. I’m a lucky guy.
I went back to the yard after the visit. I did some exercises with C and S. It was sunny and warm. I was out of breath from not working out for four days.
I ate and took a nap after yard. Then I wrote letters to J, K, B, J, S, G and S. It took up my whole evening to write letters. I have to wait till tomorrow to submit my first lesson of Statistic. I sent J a postcard. I haven’t heard from her for a couple of weeks.
I prayed that Mom’s doing well and that she was just venting about R’s evil ways. I don’t even want to get upset over her. I hope P had a good birthday. May he be well.
I didn’t get a visiting today. Maybe Roger will be here tomorrow.
I just finished studying chapter 2 and did the exercise. I’ll be ready to do my first lesson and submit it. That will be an accomplishment. I lay around all morning and afternoon. I had a fulfilling lunch. I have plenty of letters to write, but I felt lazy. I shot my orders to the lawyer. He’ll be excited to get the good news. Hopefully things will keep getting better for all of us.
May all my loved ones be well.
There was no yard this morning due to a search in B section. I felt tired, but I couldn’t sleep. My neighbor was lonely and stressed out so he kept talking. I didn’t do much but lay around.
I was called for a visit around ten thirty. I knew it was S. She got in around eleven and stayed till 12:20. She looked fragile today. She said that it was due to some health issues. I told her what I had been doing and kept her updated. She did the same. She asked for S whether she could write to Rico and I. I told her yes, but only support letters. I know she cares and she needs support. At one point, S and I didn’t speak. We just stared at each other. I was the first to break down. It felt a little awkward because I didn’t want to give out the wrong impression. I enjoyed her presence and appreciate her support. I’m sure when we see each other in person our conversation can be more intimate and we and address some deeper issues. She’s been up to see me three out of last four weeks. I don’t want her to feel obligated.
After the visit, I was able to call home. I talked to Mom and Dad for the first time in over five months. Mom was in the shower. The line got disconnected and I was able to call back. I told them not to worry and gave them a brief update. I asked Dad to shoot some bills to my friend. My box of letters got home. Mom said Roger will come see me. Hopefully it’ll be tomorrow. Sis’ busy. Mom’s tripping on R again. I don’t’ like to hear that she’s upset over her. It was a relief to talk to them.
I received letter from B. she was going to come see me, but KW suggested that she come after the hearing. He doesn’t want to complicate things. I know he’s looking out for me, but I don’t like that. I guess I don’t have a choice for now.
M sent me a postcard. She’s busy with school, she’ll write again when she’s settled down. I got the missing page of board report from S. H is still sending me the Coastal Post. The judge ordered an informal response on the latest write I filed. That’s good for me. I hope I’ll get a favorable decision soon.
Things went well today. I hope the blessings are forth coming. I relaxed for the rest of the day. I had a dream this morning that M filed a citizen’s complaint against N for his ambush tactics. It was a good sign that things are working for me. I just want to go home so I can help Mom and Dad and make a positive impact in society.
All my relations.
Mike came and went. He went to court this morning and went back to Avenal. I didn’t get the full scope on the condition there, but it didn’t sound good. I wonder when we’ll get back together.
I was able to stay consistent in studying my statistic. I’m making progress. I should get a lesson out on Sunday night. I went to library to do research and copy.
It’s good to go for a walk and see my friend. My lawyer filed a request for extension on informal reply. Hopefully I can stay here until all issues are resolved.
After I got back to the cell, I got some mail. I received a letter from S, J, K, M, A and M. S sent some photos and gave me some news on Rico. K wrote a 6 page letter sharing her past and present with me. She’s a talker with pen. She shared some private things with me. I appreciate her trust. A wrote to check in on me. J sent a copy of his support letter and words of encouragement. M sent a letter of support. She expressed her reasoning for asking me the tough question. I was a little hard on her. M sent a support letter and a shot note. She’s busy. Her grammar is tore up like mine.
I wrote to W and sent him my support letters. I wrote to CC and sent him the extension order. I wrote to J, A and M to thank them. I received the denial of counsel from Judge A. I received the stay copies of request for counsel and the latest writ. I sent the 602 on 3335 out again.
It’s been a busy afternoon and night. I enjoyed receiving letters from friends. I hope things will get better for all of us soon.
I spent a few hours studying statistic. I’m determined to finish my first lesson this month. I know I should be writing my article and reviewing my transcript. I’m not getting my priority straight.
I received a letter from W. He’ll come see me next week. We’ll talk about strategy to approach the parole hearing. I was hoping to receive letters from friends, but I didn’t. Then later in the evening, Officer B gave me a piece of mail from B. I was thinking about her. The C/O was reading my magazine. B sent me the latest issue of Mother Jones. Surprisingly I was allowed to have it. B had a short commentary in it. She said her friend M is interested in writing about my plight. She apologized for not writing and kept in touch. It’s good to hear from her. I wrote her and gave her an update
I sent P a Bday card, not much to say. I wrote to Mom just to say hi. I heard someone called my name. It sounded too familiar. Then I realized it was Mike. He’s lay over from going to court. I don’t’ know if I’ll be able to see him. What a trip!
The day was productive. I have to work on my article. I feel pretty good.
It was nice outside after a couple of days of wet weather, more are on the way. I shot the ball around then worked out. I did some burpees and yoga. I felt pumped. I know I would be huge after I hit the gym for six months.
I was tired, but didn’t take a nap. I received a letter and a postcard from Fr. O. He wrote a support letter for me, but he didn’t have BPT’s address. F sent me a letter. I was surprised to hear from him. He wrote a detailed support letter for me. I received a letter from G. She gave me some good points to think about on my parole hearing. I’m not going to argue with her. She has her way of thinking.
I got my appeal from Sacramento on the property issue. Now I can file a writ. I got the extension notice from the A.G. on the transfer writ. I’ll have 15 days to respond. I wrote to F and sent him a couple of poems. I wrote to G and expressed my appreciation. I sent W more support letters. I wrote Fr. O and tanked him.
G dropped by. I studied statistic for a little bit. I’ll get one lesson in this month. I had an all right day. God bless me.
I slept in because I felt like I was coming down with a cold. After the rest, I felt better.
I did study my correspondence course. I want to read my first lesson in this month. So far, I’m doing well with the arithmetic part. I haven’t start on my article. I don’t feel it. Hopefully I’ll be able to write it and send it out this weekend. I know how to waste time.
I ate a lot throughout the day. I wrote a short letter to B and sent her the returned letter. I read the poem by Saul Williams again. I need to just write.
The day went by fast for a holiday. Much blessing to my family, friends, and I.
There wasn’t much to do except for read, sleep and study. I slept, read and did a little of studying. I took out Saul Williams poems and Sonja Johns’ poem to read. They inspire me to write. I jotted down some notes. Hopefully I’ll be able to compose a poem that rhymes and invokes feelings.
The day was wasted.
The director of the documentary “Breathin’ The Eddy Zheng Story” Ben Wang and I promoted the trailer at the MLK building’s MCC. The event was sponsored by Sponsors will be APASD, Asian American & Diaspora Studies Program of UC Berkeley and Professor Harvey Dong’s Asian American Studies 121 (Chinese American History.) Student interns Lauren and William emceed the event.
Although I was feeling under the weather from yesterday’s all day campaign, I appreciated the opportunity to share with many API students regarding the issues of API behind bars and deportation.
Afterward, I went by to support the Occupy Sproul Hall for a while. There’re about a thousand students on the steps sharing ideas and standing in solidarity. Police in riot gears were all over the place, while helicopter hoovered over the peaceful demonstrators. It’s empowering to see so many students taking a stand in advocating for education.
May the movement be victorious.
I wanted to write the article and study, but I didn’t follow through. I slept after shower. I did force myself to study for a couple of hours. The statistic material is not difficult. I just can’t seem to concentrate. I want to send a lesson out this month. I know I’ll need to ask for an extension. I goofed off and start reading the newspaper. I’ll study more tomorrow.
May things be well with my family and friends. May I be triumph in my fight for freedom and legal battles.
I spent all day working around precincts 3311 and 3329 to check in with voters and did poll check at Pier 1. The advantage of walking and working those precincts was the location was scenic. The disadvantage was I couldn’t go into the buildings to talk to voters since many of them lived in apartments. The voter turn out was low.
At the end of the day when Mayor Ed Lee had a commanding lead in the poll. The party was on at the Palace Hotel in downtown. My highlight of the night was taking a picture with MC Hammer.
Supervisor John Avalos ran a strong and honest campaign. I like that.
I’m glad the election was over. It’s time to hold the politicians accountable.
It was wet and cold in the morning, but I went to the yard anyway. It’s the first time raining on a yard day in Ad Seg. The rain stopped after a couple of hours. I shot the basketball around and walked for a while. Then I took a shower. I kicked it with C for a while. He’s the one I can talk to.
I received a letter from Yuri. She sent a short post it and the copy of support letter she wrote for me. She’s old, but she still has an alert mind.
I received a return from sender letter. It was the letter I sent to B. She changed address. I’ll try again.
I read the rest of the night and didn’t do much. I went to sleep early. I wasn’t motivated.
I feel like putting some things in perspective:
29 is the number of years I have been in the United States of America.
21 is the number of years I have been in prison and immigration detention.
8 is the number of years I have been outside in the “free world.”
I came to America twenty years ago today. I spent sixteen of those twenty years in prison. I hope I’ll get a chance to spend some time on the outside.
There’s a storm out there and I wasn’t aware of it until G told me. He dropped by and gave me an update on the latest. The Republicans won big during the election. Gray Davis got elected for his second term. Maybe things will get better with the parole situation.
I went to the library and made some copies. I sent KW my support letters and board report. He wrote and said he’ll come see me.
I wrote to Yuri, A and P. I sent P a copy of the matrix article. Mail won’t go out until Monday night since Monday is a holiday. I sent the lawyer a note and the appeal. He sent me a copy of the writ on my mail, Ad Seg retention and appeal issues. Hopefully things will get right. I want to write the article and study my correspondence material.
May the spirit help me and guide me.
I slept half of the morning away. I planned to write an article about my Ad Seg situation and sort out my legal work. I was only able to organize my legal work. I have a lot of extra copies of my appeals and court orders. They will be useful as exhibits.
I received a card form Rev. K. He sent me a poem Abel. Apparently he uses his poetry to spread the gospel is reaching people.
I got my rejection back from 2nd level on my legal deadline issue. I didn’t write to anyone. I went to sleep early.
Counselor S delivered my board report to me. She said it was late being done. One of the pages was missing. I wrote to her and asked for a copy. It was an all right report because the 115 will hurt me.
I received a letter from G. She responded to some of my questions. I didn’t like her comments as usual. She doesn’t want to help me the way I wanted her to. Now, I will not ask her again for advice. She did it out of concern, but I still don’t like her logic. I wrote her a long letter to let her know how I felt. She was on vacation for a couple of weeks. That’s why I didn’t hear from her.
I wrote to KW about my update and asked him to come see me. My lawyer sent me some copies. He’ll take care of business. I appreciate that.
I worked out with C and felt pumped. I read for a while. My eyes are red. I will finish the book tonight.
Tomorrow I will organize my legal works. The day went by fast. I wish my family and friends well. May I be home soon.
I spent all day reading the Kung Fu series. It’s addictive. I’d probably read the story four times, but I don’t want to put the book down.
I wrote a letter to J and told her about Jing Yong’s books. It was another day of reading.
I couldn’t help but notice that I was on the yard with six African Americans. I was able to get along with them as usual. I shot the basketball for a while. Then I did yoga and legs with C. It’s helpful to have a workout partner. I need to get my joints well.
I read the Kung Fu novel and my eyes got red. It’s addicting. I stopped myself so I could write some letters. I wrote to KW, G, Mom, Sis and S. I wanted to write more, but ran out of time. I will have to get busy with the correspondence course.
I’m taking things one day at a time.
If I use the same energy and commitment in reading Jin Yong’s Kung Fu novels in studying, I’ll be in good shape with my studies. I spent all day reading Jin Yong’s novel “The shooting Eagle Heroes.” I’ve probably read it about five times yet it’s never boring. That’s the power of awesome writing. My eyes are tired from reading so much.
I had a good chat with S. I got him thinking.
I enjoyed the day of relaxation. I have to get to work soon. I ask for blessings from Mother Teresa and all good spirits.
It’s the first of the month. As expected I was notified that I had a visit at 11. I went to the yard and did some burpees with CK. He couldn’t hang with me. We warmed up with some yoga exercises and warmed down with them. I had a decent sweat. It could’ve been better. I took a shower and was ready for the visit.
Officer D and I chatted for a little. He’s will to write a character reference letter for me. I’ll see if that’ll be helpful. If not, it’s the thought that counted.
S came by on time. She’s looking energized. We talked about how I was doing before we got into the good news. The hearing went successfully on the substitution for attorney. Yuri was there and had a chance to meet Mike from a distance. S talked to her for an hour or so. She’s impressed with Yuri. We got to talk about more personal things dealing with our connections, our changes in politic, but not in specific detail. We’re on the same wavelength in many areas of our thinking. She’s doing her best to help us. I know that we’ll get deeper into our feelings in more opportune time and environments. I’m grateful for her friendship. She left around 12:40.
I received a letter from KW saying that a counselor called him and informed him that my transfer referral was postponed until after my parole hearing. That means I’ll be here for another month. It also means that I’m being held illegally in Ad Seg. I wrote to the lawyer and asked his input.
I got some Chinese books and magazines on different topics. I’m set on reading materials as usual. I’ll be hooked on the Chinese Ku Fu novels for a few days. I hope some good news will go this month and I’ll be out of here. God willing.
I did my best to study statistic, but I didn’t make much progress.
I had a delicious lunch with what little ingredients I had. I went to the library and got some work done. I got the form to ask for appointed counsel. I sent it to the Marin Court. S sent it to the A.G. for me. I sent CC a copy.
I received the stamped copy of the writ on transfer retaliation today. I also received the rejection from the Court of Appeal. That wasn’t pleasant at all. I sent it to the lawyer. Hopefully I can appeal it again. Things have to get better.
Mike’s hearing was this morning. Hopefully he had some good news. It’s been a tiring day.
I didn’t get any mail from friends. I wonder what’s up with B. I hope S will visit tomorrow. It’ll be good for me. I have to stay around for another month. I hope I’ll be back to the mainline soon.
May all my friends and family be safe and healthy.
I noticed that somehow I missed a day on October 30, 2002 as I’m typing up today’s journal entry. I didn’t write anything.
However, October 30, 2011 is fun and tiring. The CYC adult dragon boat team Arms of Fury raced at Lake Merritt, Oakland. People were into the Dragon Boat and Halloween spirit. Though we didn’t win first place in all of our three races, we did win first in the novice division. The team did its best. We had fun in the sun. It’s a healthy way to spend time with friends and meet new people. We will be ready for next year’s International Dragon Boat race.
My lower back and my knees are hurting. I need to do some exercise that will heal my body. I shouldn’t play basketball for a while. It was sunny out. I had a couple of conversations with guys on the yard. I talked to L about his rights as a prisoner. He thought that he doesn’t have any rights. That’s the way most prisoners think. Therefore, their rights are being violated constantly. I played a couple of games of basketball to get a sweat.
I had a hefty lunch. G came by around two thirty. We talked about Restorative Justice. I want to learn more about it so I can talk to the youth about it.
I received a letter from M. she asked me whether I know what I did was wrong with the instant offense. I felt ashamed and offended at the same time. I couldn’t believe she asked that question. I wrote her and expressed how I felt. She’s going to think deeply on my thoughts. I wrote to K about my family, her resentment toward her father and sent her a poem. I hope she won’t trip on me being nosey.
I received two letters from W. He wrote a letter to the warden about my 115 and 602 on transfer. I don’t think I’ll get transfer because of my parole hearing. I signed two authorization forms and sent them to W.
I got an Order for Informal Response from Judge VA on the writ the lawyer filed. We all got the same judge. Hopefully things will start to go our way.
I just might end up back on the mainline. I just want to go home. I took an Aspirin for my pain. I wrote to C and told him what happened.
May my family and friends be well and happy. May we triumph.
I wanted to study, but couldn’t concentrate. I reviewed my notes. I’m talking too long. I didn’t do much, but read.
I got a letter from K. she told me all about her childhood and family history. She’s honest and expressive. I like that about her. I appreciate her intimate sharing. I wrote her a brief letter and sent her my essay “It’s a Shame.” I got a card from K. She changed her last name. I should get some wedding pictures from her soon. Mom’s letter got here. I know she wrote. I wrote her another letter and practiced my Chinese.
I got some stamps and canteen. My body is aching. I need to do some serious healing. I wrote a letter to G, since I haven’t heard from her. She’s a trip. I didn’t receive any legal mail. I wonder what happened.
Another day is gone. I’m still here.
It was sunny out, but it didn’t get warm until noon. I didn’t even know the change of daylight saving. I did some burpes with C and taught him some yoga. I felt good.
I ate a meat log and rice for lunch. I indulged myself. The rest of the day went by quickly. I wrote to S and sent her my poems. She’ll share them with my friends. I wrote to Mom and gave her an update. I wrote to Peg and thanked her for the support letter
I got lazy and went to bed early.
It’s a lazy day for me. I slept, ate, read and that was it. I planned to study, but I didn’t. I finished a Chinese love novel and copied down some Chinese words. I need discipline in my life.
It was not as cold as it was expected. I went to the yard and enjoyed my exercise time. There were 6 other people on the yard, all Black. Blu was transferred in the morning. I don’t know where he went. Mike and Rico were transferred to their respected prisons. I’m still waiting. I talked to EH for a while about Corcoran prison. Then I talked to Officer D. He’s sympathetic about my parole situation. At around nine-thirty I was called for a visit. It was a surprise as usual.
S came visit me bearing good news. She’s raising awareness and generating support for us. She had contacted a couple of friends I know and they sent their support. I got excited from listening to her accomplishments in getting support. Things are moving in a good direction. I appreciate her help and for being a great friend. The hour went away quickly. I asked her to find a lawyer to help us with the civil rights lawsuit. She said she’ll be back next Friday if I’m still here. I can’t wait. She said June Jordan died last year. I didn’t even know. J took over Poetry for the People in Berkeley. He’s an awesome poet. I asked her to push me and Mike to write more.
I received a letter from P. She sent some photos and a copy of her support letter. I appreciate her support I read newspapers all day.
It’s freezing in the cell. The cold wind from the bay is seeping through walls. I got my thermals on and still feel cold. I wanted to sleep in, but I didn’t. I did a short workout, took a shower and read the newspaper.
Mr. K came by to check on me. He’s doing what he can to encourage me. He suggested that I should lay low and try to get out. He said I should let other people to do the work now. I told him that I was recommended for SATF. He said he just came from there a few days ago. He gave me the CCII’s name if I get there. I don’t mind going there after he described the place. We’ll see.
I got a postcard from CC. He congratulated me on my appeal. I didn’t receive any letters. I wrote to J because I couldn’t concentrate on studying. I need to get focus. I’m resting early tonight.
It was breezing this morning. My body was cold even with two blankets. Mike woke me up early and told me he’s leaving. I was half asleep. All I said was, “again?” Officer G came by and said he went to Avenal. It’s not a mistake this time. His property is still en route. Mike should be on the mainline in Avenal. I didn’t feel emotional when he left. I got used to the separation from friends. I’m numb.
I wanted to study my correspondence course, but I ended up wasting all morning doing nothing.
C/O H took me to the ISU (Investigative Service Unit) office. I thought it was a set up. Sgt. M got my letters and wanted to show me my property. they still want to look at them before they return to me. I wrote a declaration. N was in the room, but he didn’t say anything.
I saw ET and told him to stay strong. I wrote a letter to Mike’s parents and let them know he’s transferred. I sent them a poem I wrote for Mom. I sent a letter to CC. I received a letter from Anmol telling me he’s scheduled to visit. The envelop was torn. Someone read the letter a second time. I wrote him back and sent him the 3250 section. I got a letter from J. She’s been thinking over her relationship with her partner. It’s not going to work out. I wrote her back and gave her my take. I wrote to A and gave her an update.
I got my log number on the 115 appeal. I received my appeal on the custody citizen complain from second level. I’ll send it to the third level.
I connected with Tim, a Black and Italian guy. I got my stamps from the mail. I should have more coming.
I’m relaxed. My body is hurting, especially the joints. I’ll be tore up when I get older. May my family and friends be well.
It was cold outside. I played a couple games of basketball and did some leg exercises. I showered with the wind blowing. Now my nose is stuffy. Mike came out to the yard. It was good to see him. He told me what’d happened with his transfer. He was on mainline for a day. they definitely screwed up with him. Somebody will pay for the mistake. He was supposed to move back down to second tier, but it didn’t happen.
I went to library to make some copies. I talked to Stephen briefly. Nothings new. He’s doing what he can. I seen the Lawyer a letter to give him an update. I asked a condemned guy name R to give a message to Yuri’s nephew. Hopefully he’ll respond. I talked to Mr. J for a minute. He’s doing his usual thing.
I received a letter from A and S. they both sent support letters. A has been busy. she’s doing what she can to help me. I asked her to get me a lawyer to help me with the Ad Seg issue. I told her to get together with Yuri. S will help, but she doesn’t agree with some of the issues with J. I’m not tripping on that. We’re focusing on the violation of First Amendment right. Let’s see what they can do.
I sent 3 of my 602s in again. Let’s see how Mrs. D is going to respond. I gave S a magazine. He’ll help me to make it work. Blu talked with me for a while. We shared some laughs.
I hope things will turn in our favor soon.
My boday’s sored from yesterday’s workout. I feel like I’m getting a cold. My nose is a little stuffy. I took a shower and lied down in bed.
Mike moved back in the section. He went to 4C48 (Fourth tier, Carson section, cell 48) temporarily. He asked me to write to CC and let him know he’s back. He must not have any stamps or writing material. I don’t know what’s the story behind all the charges with him. Hopefully I’ll see him tomorrow.
I did some brainstorming on the visiting program with A. I was going to study, but got distracted.
G dropped by to say hi. I asked him to talk to N for me. G told a racist joke. I laughed. Now I know why the lawyer said he’s a racist.
I got a letter from C and R. they both sent me copies of their support letters. C did a good job. I wrote her back and gave her an update. I wrote to R to thank him. I wrote to S and updated on our situation. I want to make sure he had received my letter. I wrote to CC and gave him the latest. The mail’s been late 13 days. I hope I’ll received more support letters from A and others.
Uso hooked me up. I hope I’ll be here on the mainline than somewhere else. I don’t mind starting fresh in Solano, as long as it’s closer to the Bay. I have to have faith that things will work out.
My body’s sored from yesterday’s workout. I feel like I’m getting a cold. My nose is a little stuffy. I took a shower and lied down in bed.
Mike moved back in the section. He went to 4C48 temporarily. He asked me to write to CC and let him know he’s back. He must not have any stamps or writing material. I don’t know what’s the story behind all the charges with him. Hopefully I’ll see him tomorrow.
I did some brainstorming on the visiting program with A. I was going to study, but got distracted.
G dropped by to say hi. I asked him to talk to N for me. G told a racist joke. I laughed. Now I know why the lawyer said he’s a racist.
I got a letter from C and R. they both sent me copies of their support letters. C did a good job. I wrote her back and gave her an update. I wrote to R to thank him. I wrote to S and updated on our situation. I want to make sure he had received my letter. I wrote to CC and gave him the latest. The mail’s been late 13 days. I hope I’ll received more support letters from A and others.
Uso hooked me up. I hope I’ll be here on the mainline than somewhere else. I don’t mind starting fresh in Solano, as long as it’s closer to the Bay. I have to have faith that things will work out.
The mornings have been cold this week. It takes longer for my bones and joints to warm up. I talked to Blu on the yard for a while. He was upset about the way the East Block Officer treated him. Really he was dealing with his two denials. Who can blame him after being in prison for 34 years? I did my best to counsel him. C helped me out with some “stamps.” I played one on one with H. Then I exercised with C. I felt pumped. I need to do more workouts.
Mike said hi briefly when he went to shower. He’s in 4D18 and wanted to move back here.
I wrote to Anmol, Yuri, J and G. I sent G the 3250 section so she can see the rule herself. I wrote short letters to the other folks. I read the old newspaper in the afternoon.
I still need to do my correspondence course. I ate a lot during the day. I had oatmeal for breakfast. It was delicious.
Another day, another new beginning.
There was no hot water, but I showered anyway. I was told that I had a visit at 11. I felt mellow after I got up. Then I was told Mike’s back in Donner section. The transfer was an error. I was happy that he’s back even though I couldn’t see him. I don’t know what happened.
I didn’t know who’s coming to see me. It’s a surprise as usual. I went to the visiting room at ten til eleven. As I was sitting for a while, Yuri and Anmol showered up. They got there about 11:20. The guard gave them a bunch of hassle because of Yuri’s walker. Yuri was in a wheelchair. Then she got up and sat in the regular chair. Anmol said hi and gave Yuri the phone. She was all smiling and told me how highly people thought of me. She’s very tiny and frail. I had wanted to see her for a while. Finally, she’s in front of me. I thought I would be overcome with emotion once I see her, but I didn’t. Our conversation and gestures were so natural that it’s like we’ve been friends for the longest. She had a difficult time hearing me. I had to yell. Anmol and her took turns to talk to me. We didn’t have too much time. Yuri told me that her advisor from UCLA loved my poem and will print it in a journal. She asked if I could talk to his nephew EN, who’s on Death Row. He’s been in since he’s 19. His family disowned him and he wanted to die. I told her I’ll try to get a message to him. We talked a little about transfer, parole and the Ad Seg situation. She’s concerned. She wanted me to go to Vacaville because U.C. Davis’ Asian students wan to start an Asian Studies program. She’s not award of the running of the prison. She said that I’m a good writer and encouraged me to write and publish a book. I was flattered. Anmol and I talked a bit about my Ad Seg situation. He expressed his anger about what S did to jeopardize us in prison. He hasn’t talk to her since. I understand what Mo felt, but I told him to support her. I didn’t want to talk too much about it then. We’ll have a chance to air it out next time. They haven’t written support letters for me yet, but they’ll do it asap. Our visit was cut short. The officer and Sergeant were not accommodating. I did my best to stall. I don’t’ know when I’ll see them again. We need some quality time together. I appreciate Anmol for bringing her up to see me.
I received my canteen order today. I have plenty of food. The rest of the day I rested and read. I didn’t feel like doing anything else.
I was great to see Yuri. Today will be a memorable day for me. May Yuri be healthy and continue to be an inspiration in fighting for justice.
Parting of friends is the theme for this week. I haven’t got a chance to miss mike’s departure to Solano yesterday. Then Rico left this afternoon. This morning I was out with Rico talking about Mike’s transfer. We were saying how Mike would be able to watch the World Series. We played a couple games of 3 on 3. We showered and kicked it for a while. We didn’t think that he would leave today. The cop told him to pack his property right before dinner. Right after dinner he was transferred. He stopped by to say good bye. I knew it was a relief for Rico because he’s ready to move on.
After he left I felt alone. I went through a few minutes of emotional changes. It was too sudden when he told me that he’s leaving. I kept myself busy so I didn’t have to deal with the fear of loneliness. I almost cry. I’ll miss Rico.
I received a letter from OIG (Office of the Inspector General.) It denied my allegation that the San Quentin administration violated my rights. They all worked together. I’ll have to win it in the court.
Blu was denied 2 years at the BPT yesterday. He had a visit and didn’t want to come out to the yard. I hope he’ll stay strong and keep on fighting.
I read tabloid paper to take my mind away from the reality. I couldn’t help but thought about the fact that I might end up in SATF soon. I have no control of the situation. I said a few prayers for Mike, Rico and myself, my family and friends. Hopefully things will work out for me.
My priority is to go home, God willing. It’s solo from now on.
I was tossing and turning when Mike woke me up in the morning. He guessed it right. He was transferred to Solano prison. He left me his goodies and books. I said a prayer for him. I’ll miss him, but was glad that he moved on. At least he’s not in the hole now. Rico thought I was leaving also.
Counselor S gave me my Olson review, hearing notice and updated my board report. She asked me to write out my version of the instant offense. I’ll give it to her tomorrow.
I found out that I was put up for transfer to a prison next to Corcoran “SATF” (Substance Abuse Treatment Facility.) I hope that doesn’t happen.
I wrote to KW, CC and G about it. I asked KW and CC to write a letter to CSR for me. I don’t mind going to Solano. I wrote to M, J, S, and B. I asked J to write a support letter for me. I told everyone about my pending transfer. I sent the letter out to Mike’s parents and his 602 out. I wrote my version of the crime.
I ate a lot today. A part of me wants to move on, but I don’t want to go anywhere down south. It’s too far from the family. I just have to trust that things will go through for me in court. Gods bless me.
It’s unusual, but the administration made sure that I went to my ICC for transfer recommendation. I didn’t asked many questions and submitted my opposing statement. I wasn’t feeling up.
I made lunch after I got back. It was strange being in Death Row Bay side.
I received a letter from K. She got the plan she wanted. I wrote her back. I got a letter from W and I wrote him back and sent him my statement to oppose transfer. I got a letter from Wilma Chan. She brushed me off. I wrote her back and asked her to call or write to OIG (Office of the Inspector General) for an investigation.
I got a notice that M’s approved to visit. I wrote her and sent her the copy. ML was denied. I wrote her and forgot to send her another visiting form. The mailroom just now sent my book back to K.
The appeals coordinator D screened out two of my appeals.
Mike got good news. He’s going to a hearing on 10/3/02. I hope he’ll get some action from the courts soon. Lawyer helped me out. He’s very supportive and enthusiastic. I pray that he’s right.
I got my stamped copy of the writ from Courts of Appeal. I felt better as I the day went on. My fingers were hurting this morning. I hope all is well with my family and friends.
Happy B-day to Dad and J! I will be there to celebrate Dad’s 70th B-day.
It was cold this morning. I walked around with Rico for a while. My knees were locking up on me. Mike and I played a couple of games and won against two brothers. I need to start to take care of my body more.
G came by. We chatted for a while. Mike went to library and made copies for me.
I’m tired. I got a letter from Mom. She talked to J. Sis is on business until 10/31. I wrote to Fr. M and K. I sent my 602 on 3335 for the third time.
Another day is gone. I await letters from my friends.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Larry, happy birthday to you.” The entire Champa Garden restaurant sang the song for my Dad before he blew out the candle on the cake. It’s his 78th birthday tomorrow. I figured I didn’t have anything to loose by asking the patrons to sing along with me. Dad stood up and thanked everyone after the song. I wondered how he felt inside.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to celebrate another birthday with my Dad. It’s my fifth birthday celebration with him since I’ve been out in the free world. There was a time when I feared I would l not be able to see my parents alive.
Life is good.
I slept in after reading the Sun mag. I did my letter writing in the afternoon and at night. I wrote to PLO’s W and sent him my appeal on the 115. I sent the letter to G with the adjudication. I wrote to Sis and Mom to give them an update. I sent a B-day card to S. I wrote to J. I don’t really have much to say. I could’ve done better. I wrote my statement to oppose the transfer to CSR. I’m ready.
The day went by not too slow, not too fast. Giants is going to the World Series.
It was good to be around friends and talk. Mike and I played a couple of basketball games. We won despite poor shootings. That was my exercise and I warmed down with yoga.
The rest of the day I rested and read. I didn’t feel like doing anything else. Mike, Rico and I will be going our separate ways soon. I will miss them. We’ll meet up again on the streets, I hope.
I slept in this morning, it’s not like I had anywhere to go. I did some reading and lay around. E gave me a little bit of my property. I mainly got my stamps and some paperwork and some song lyrics. I got enough to keep me busy in the cell.
I got my appeal on the 115. The lawyer took care of business. I wrote to G and expressed how I felt about her comments on delusion and self-aggrandizement.
I got more cases to read and discuss with Mike. Rico gave me a letter from NM, who’s been working on prison reform issues. I read McQuillion’s case again and I hope it will stand.
Today is K’s wedding. I know she’s having a blast. May she be happy.
Always remember to exercise my rights unless it serves no practical purpose. I was supposed to go to ICC at 11:50am, but I didn’t go until 1:10pm. I was able to go to the yard. CCI D messed up by serving me the 72 hour notice late. When I did go the ICC, Associate Warden W said I’m being put up for transfer. I was not aware that the ICC was for transfer so I asked to be given notice so I can prepare myself. They tried hard to coerce me to continue with the hearing. I insisted that I be allowed my due process. W broke down and rescheduled me for ICC on Wednesday. I’ll be ready.
Rico, Mike and I played a few games of 21. We had fun.
I received a package from J. She sent me two magazines and a collection of stamps of the 12 animal signs. She’s very thoughtful. It cost her 128 yuan. She’s a great friend. I know we’ll be tight for life.
I received G’s letter with the McQuillion case. She sent it priority, but she wrote the wrong zip code so it was delayed. She cautioned me to be coo with the committee and self-aggrandizement. I disagree with her. I appreciate her support, but not her thinking. I’ll get back at her.
Tomorrow is K’s wedding. May she be happy and have a long lasting marriage.
It’s been a busy and productive day. I read up on the Title 15 and wrote a statement to prepare for my ICC. It’ll be interesting to see what ICC elects to do with me tomorrow.
I got all my legal materials together and sent it to the lawyer. He took care of business for me. I also sent my adjudication and defense statement to PLO’s W. I went to the library and made copies and did researches. I read the report from the Daily Journal on the result of Rosenkranz’s oral argument. It didn’t look good. We’ll see the decision in 90 days.
I saw B and said hello. I said hi to the fellas.
I received a letter from S. It’s a pleasant surprise. I wrote him back and told him what’s up. I got a note from CC. He’ll send the legal letters next week. I received October’s Coastal Journal. H has been consistent.
I got my 602 on 3135 back again. The appeal’s coordinator is playing games. I sent it back again.
I sent a B-day card to J and Dad.
Rico and I talked for a while. Hopefully he won’t get transfer. I feel tired. Things are looking up again. It’s time to win.
I didn’t feel like doing much today. My plan usually doesn’t work accordingly because I’m too spontaneous. I started reading the Capoeira book. I thought about N. she went to Brazil to study that art.
I made myself a fulfilling lunch.
The day just moved on by. I didn’t receive my letters. I wrote to CC about my Marin case. I sent my 602 in on 3339 violation. I couldn’t get my paperwork out to the lawyer. I thought about being on my own without any help from anyone on my legal stuff. I’ll have to study things myself. I don’t know how much discipline I’ll have. I just have to go with the flow as usual.
I don’t want to think too much about the unknown.
Things are looking up. I received the First Appellate District’s decision granting another look at my OSC (Order to Show Cause) in Marin County. This time I’ll get appointed counsel. Hopefully I’ll get an evidentiary hearing.
I got a letter from PLO’s W about my parole hearing. He has been better in keeping a line of communication with me. I wrote him back and gave him an update. I got a letter from Senator Boxer’s Director of Constituent Service. He forwarded my letter to senator Burton stating my issues are State issues. I wrote him back saying they’re federal issues since it deals with the First Amendment right.
I received a letter from O in Hong Kong, P, M and a postcard from Fr. O. P wrote a short support letter for me. I wrote her back and tanked her. M wrote a form letter. She’ll be moving to Sonoma in December. I wrote O and asked her to write a support letter for me. She thinks highly of me. She is a good friend who I haven’t met.
It’s sunny outside. We shot the ball around and did pushups. Blu and I mediated for 15 minutes. I enjoyed the time outside.
Fr. P and G dropped by briefly to say hi. I got my 72 hour notice for Ad Seg review on Friday. Then I got my Capoeira book from the Property Officer. I look forward to reading it.
I got my 115 adjudication from Officer G. It was a day later than the written date. I was found guilty for 3005 because of 3250. I’ll win in appeal. The whole 115 was a joke.
I received my Sun magazine. Plenty to read. I sent the congratulation card to R. It’s been an active and productive day. I wrote a letter to Fr. O so he can use as a model form support letter.
I hope things will eventually work in our favor. Thank the good spirit for my blessings.
Whenever I start to think about the length of time that I have to stay in solitary, I feel a sense of depression. I always catch myself from lingering too long in those moments.
I make it a point to study my correspondence course. I did a couple of hours of studying and it was worth it. I need to keep it up and finish my commitment.
A wrote and sent me a couple of articles. He’s not a good correspondent, but I appreciate his support. I wrote him back and gave him a brief feedback. I hope to see him and Yuri this weekend.
Rev. K sent me his support letter. He asked other priests to write support letters for me. He also shared my article with others. It’s good to know that I could count on him.
I got two 602s back. They were screened out, but I resubmitted. I still haven’t got my adjudication back. The administration is playing games with me. I also haven’t heard about my parole hearing status. I should be getting some support letters from friends.
I hope and hope that things are getting better for me and my friends. If it’s time to move on, it’s time.
It was beautiful outdoor. The weather was warmed and sunny. Mike, Rico and Blue and I walked and talked about Richard Moore’s article in Whole Earth, “Escaping the Matrix.” Mike did the reviewing of the article. Rico was not in tune with the political concepts and lingos. Mike used layman’s term to explain them. I learned and understood more about the different points after listening to Mike. I read the article again afterward. It’s an excellent article about matrix reality and reality of the imperialistic system. We played 21 after the discussion. It was a good way to spend our time.
I rested a little in the afternoon. I read. Then I wrote a letter to G. I asked her to answer to my tow requests. Hopefully she’ll say yes, but I doubt it. I wrote to SL in Green Gulch. I asked him to write a support letter for me. It’s a long shot, but I have nothing to lose.
My left ear has been bothering me. It closed off on me sometimes so I couldn’t hear. Another day is gone. I need to study my Statistic material. I don’t want to get behind too much. There’s always something new happening. I hope all my loved ones are well.
It’s been non-stop since my return from Arizona.
I had to get up at 7am to prepare for a mediation that takes place at a high school at 9am. I went to the store to buy donuts and orange juice for the students and their parents. Luckily, my coworkers were extremely generous in driving me and Mike across the bridge so I can pick up the agency van and drive to the school.
However, I was supposed to stay home until my immigration Case Worker from the Intensive Supervision Appearance Program (ISAP) come check in with me. I wasn’t supposed to leave the house until that person came. I attempted to inform the Case Worker of my schedule yesterday, but receive no response. I missed my appointment so I can go conduct the mediation that could escalate to violence if it’s not resolved.
After I helped facilitating the mediation with 20 or so Asian and African American students, their parents, member of the school faculty, members of Community Based Organizations, and School Resource Officers, I went to the ISAP office to report.
Then I headed over to the Bayview Opera House to provide translation at the Young Community Developers (YCD) job fair. In the meantime, I missed two other meetings that took place all around the same time.
After the job fair, I went to the Bayview Youth Advocate office to help with the multi-cultural youth leadership workshop. By the time I got into the CYC office to return the van key, it’s already 6:25pm.
I haven’t had time to check the 35 emails I received. What a day! (I would rather have a busy day like today than the day I had 9 years ago today in solitary confinement.)
A day of rest. A day of reading.
Mike and Rico went to classification and were put up for transfer. They’ll be out of here once the CSR endorses them. That could be within the next couple of weeks. I’ll be here for a couple of more months since I’m going to my parole hearing in December. I’m making decisions for myself and I don’t know how things will turn out. I just have to wait and see.
I played some basketball with Rico. I had a nose bleed after the Black guy hit me on the nose. I had an all right sweat.
K sent me a copy of the support letter she wrote. It’s good. I appreciate her for handling business. She’s anxious and nervous about the wedding next week. She’s moving onto another chapter of her life.
I read for the rest of the day. I finished “Pop Goes the Weasel” and the Whole Earth article on Matrix vs. Reality. I hope things will get better for me.
It’s been a pleasure to be a guest lecturer at Arizona State University. I’m grateful for the invitation from professor Jeff Ow, Wendy Cheng and Kathy Nakagawa from the Asian Pacific American Studies to allow me to kickoff the second annual National Ethnic Studies week in ASU. I was able to share with approximately 300 students from all diverse backgrounds. I was encouraged by some of their presence.
I’m also grateful for the presence of my host, tour guide, photographer, bodyguard and chauffeur Bryan Smith and his lovely wife Alison for their generosity and hospitality. It’s great to have good friends in difference places.
When it comes to visiting in the Ad Seg, the person(s) come to visit is/are always a surprise. I never know who’s coming to see me until I see the person. I was called for a visit at eleven o’clock. It’s Thursday. Most of my friends work on weekdays so I had no idea who’s coming to see me. I was glad none the less. I didn’t have to wait long to find out who came up. S surprised me. I didn’t recognized her from a distant. She was much calmer than the S I remember. It’s been three years since the last time we talked or saw each other. We had a great visit. We talked about many topics: personal, politic, education, prison, etc. I felt we’re old friends. Somehow, we were able to visit for two hours and twenty minutes. The Officer must’ve forgotten about us. I loved it. I wrote S and sent her my poem, the proposal letter to politicians and guideline to write support letters. I appreciate her friendship. I asked her to visit Mike. She’s doing well.
I received the wedding invitation from K. I hope she’ll be happy. I got two letters from J. she’s a good and detailed story teller. She shared pretty much everything with me. Her partner is jealous of me because we write to each other often and in great volume. I wrote her back and sent her the 9th circuit decision. She’ll be back in April.
I wrote B a brief letter to thank her and V for their support. I wrote PLO W and told him I will go forward with the hearing. I also asked him to confirm his role as my attorney. I know he don’t like my decision, but I have to call the shots this time. I still don’t trust him completely. I’ll fire him if necessary.
I pray that things will work out for Rico and Mike tomorrow. Rico received a response from Barbara Lee. She forwarded the letter to Senator Prerata. Hopefully he’ll look into the situation with us.
May our families and friends are well.
As expected, G showed up to visit. I got out around 11. The hour and a half visit went by quickly. We talked about my Ad Seg situation and parole hearing strategy. She agreed that I should go forward with the hearing. We didn’t agree on other issues. I didn’t like the way she shot my plan down on raising awareness and organizing a support committee. I don’t like her imposing ways. I know that she have my best interest at heart, but that doesn’t mean she’s right. We didn’t get to talk about regular stuff much. She had to visit with Mike.
I saw V, New York and uso on my way to the library. I couldn’t talk to all of them.
I made lunch as planned. It was good. Mike got his after his visit.
I wrote to G and expressed how I felt about our visit. I asked her to ask my Mom to send Mek some compensation. Say wrote me so I wrote him back. He’s living dangerously out there.
I had to check my neighbor cause he made threats and acted tough. But he’s a coward. He apologized to me and broke down.
I read US magazines to pass time. I didn’t do much. It’s been an eventful day.
It was cold this morning on the yard. I didn’t feel like working out until it got warmed. Blu talked all day about his situation. We listened and tried to pick up pointers. We had a good time.
I was tired after yard. I wrote to the Inspector’s General about SQ’s violation of my due process. I wrote to Barbara Lee and Wilma Chan about my plight. Hopefully they’ll respond. I wrote to FW and sent him all the updates and asked him to write a support letter for me. I wrote to E and asked her to write for me. I wrote to the lawyer and asked him advice on my parole situation.
I received Mr. W’s letter advising me to postpone the parole hearing. We’ll see. He didn’t address the 9th circuit issue. G set up an appointment to see Mike, but she didn’t make it. Rico got an order to show cause. That’s great news for us. I hope things will work out for all of us.
I got some US magazines. The day went by fast. I haven’t received my adjudication of 115. I sent out a 602 on N.
Things don’t always happen as plan. I didn’t get all the letters sent out as I wanted to. I received a letter form Assemblywoman Aroner. She wrote to Gray Davis and CDC director Bob Presely to inquire about our situation in Ad Seg. She is the first politician responded to our letters. I wrote her back and sent her a copy of my article in the Weekly.
I wrote to Yuri and asked her to write to Aroner and ask others to do the same. I wrote to M and asked her to write a support letter and gave her G’s address. I wrote to G and gave her an update and said hello. Hopefully she’s all right.
I went through my paperwork to check if I’m organized. I didn’t do much in the morning. I sent a letter to the lawyer to give him an update. Hopefully he got my letter.
I started to read another James Patterson book, “Pop Goes the Weasel.”
New cops are on the job because of the new schedule. One second tier cop, short Pinoy didn’t want to process my legal mail to Assemblywoman Aroner. He has no idea of what the rule says. He has an attitude problem. I’ll have to write him up.
I received a status printout of my active appeals. A couple of my appeals were never processed. We’ll see how the others go.
I ate a lot as usual. I need to slow down or speed up my exercise.
I got some things done today.
I didn’t time it right so I wasn’t able to write the letters to the politicians. I’ll do it tomorrow. The whole afternoon and evening were utilized to write letters. I wrote to Rudy C and thanked him for helping me out. I wrote to Mom, Yuri, Sis Roger, KW, and CC. I sent Yuri the SQ3 picture. She’ll like that. I sent Roger all the articles I had about me. He should use that to generate some support. I asked CC to send me the copies of proposals to Berkeley. I told KW about my 115 hearing and decision to go forward with the parole hearing. I told Sis the same thing. I’m glad I was able to get those letters out.
I did a short workout with Rico. Mike went to his visit with his parents. I talked to R for awhile. The day went by quickly. I have to be prepared for the upcoming hearing and ICC adverse actions.
God willing things will work out.
I was surprised when I was called for a visit at eight o’clock. I didn’t know who could be coming. I got out to the visiting at about quarter til eight after I took a shower. I waited until eight thirty-five before Roger showed up. I had a chance to meditate a bit. It was great seeing Roger. He was outside the gate at 7:30, but wasn’t able to get in until 8:30. He ended up staying until 10:30 when the lady Officer Ms. K kicked him out. We had good conversations on different topics. We talked about our family and well beings. I listened more whenever I talk to Roger. He’s a great friend and brother. He’s going to help me with my support letter writing campaign. Mom will be happy knowing that he visited.
I came back from my visit around ten after eleven. I was called to my 115 hearing. I wished it was fair, but it wasn’t. Lt. M ignored all the evidence and violation of PC (Penal Code) Title 15 DOM (Department Operation Manual) and found me guilty of an administrative 115. He used some other charge in the Title 15 to support his finding. Apparently he had talked to Lt. N and had to railroad me. He sounded stupid and illogical when he tried to justify himself. I wasn’t too surprise. I did speak up for myself even though he didn’t listened or cared. I just have to go through the appeal process. I made sure he had an ear full from me.
I wrote my declaration. The rest of the day I kicked back, napped and read. I feel calm. There’s a better tomorrow. Things will work out accordingly.
*This reflection was written 9 years ago today.
A surprised me again by coming up in the morning to see me. She was still sleepy. She had problem at the gate again. I waited two minutes before she showed up. I gave her an update on what’s going on with my situation. I did a lot of fast talking and I listened. We talked about politics, the PLO, worldly events, and BPT. Time went by too quick.
I showed Rico and Blue the ninth circuit news clipping. Hopefully things will stand. We worked out. Mike and Rico can’t hang with the Machine (a strenuous exercise routine) yet. The lawyer took care of things for me. He’s overwhelmed. I want to help him if I could.
CC dropped me a postcard asking me to write the court to appoint counsel. I think it’s too late.
I received another letter from Mom with 4 photos. She talked to R and asked him to see me. RC wrote a support letter for me. It was well written. He also showed me love by writing some wisdom and sent me 2 photos of United Playaz. I want to join him to save lives.
I did a lot of fishing tonight. I didn’t like it. I didn’t relax. It was a good day. I hope things will only get better.
Happy birthday Sis! Sis’s bday bought me good energy and a peaceful mind. May she be healthy, happy and continued success.
I was expecting to go to my 115 hearing today, but it didn’t happened. I’m ready whenever Lt. M decides to do it. I wrote an additional defense statement from the case Newell v. Gunnell. It’s a strong cease to support my claim.
I cooked lunch today for the SQ3. I made a noddle log with corn chips, meat log, carrots, and pepper condiments. It was delicious, hole standard. Mike liked it. I’ll find out if Rico liked it.
I took a nap in the morning. I felt tired. I didn’t get a chance to get the letters out to politicians. They’ll go out on Sunday.
I received letters from Mom, A, J and a postcard from A. I wrote A back and gave her an update. I wrote to Mom and thanked her for sending me 11 pictures. Mom and Dad looked good in the pictures and they’d enjoyed themselves. I love Mom.
J had three letters in and a visa photo. I wrote her back a quick note. A is helping me out with the letters. She told me 20 youth signed up for our study group. I’m excited to see it happened. I wrote her and asked her to contact G and A. I wondered what happened to G. Did my poem affect her? I hope she’s all right. I appreciate A’s friendship. She loves people.
I read an article in the newspaper on the favorable ruling concerning lifers who had been granted dates, but will take it into the same category. I felt excited at the prospect of appealing and get to go home. I hope so.
I sent KW a brief letter telling him I decided to go through with the hearing instead of postponing. I took the lawyer’s advice.
CCI E came see me about the postponement of hearing again. He’s desperate to get me to postpone the hearing. What a snake! He’ll be surprised when I tell him the news.
My body is torn up. I need some serious healing. May the love of my family and friends continued to sustain me. May I be home with my parents in the near future.
Things are starting to move along. I was called to my 115 hearing at ten till ten this morning. Lt. M was the hearing officer. He wasn’t prepared and seemed like he’s set to find me guilty. I stayed until ten til eleven and I was called to my attorney visit. Lt. M postponed the hearing due to the legal visit. I thought he was saved by the bell to make a decision. I turned in all my defense statements and supporting documents. Hopefully he’ll be impartial and find me not guilty.
I visited with PLO’s (Prison Law Office) KW from 11 to 12:35. We discussed about my situation in Ad Seg. I gave him a brief update on my status. Then we talked about the writ. He suggested that filling the writ might not be the best idea. It’ll take a long time dealing with appeals by the board even if I win in the court. If I get a date from BPT, I would get out sooner. However, I pointed out to him that if I don’t get a date the process will take just as long, 8 months to a year and a half. He agreed. He also suggested that either I filed a write pro per and ask him to be appointed or wait til the end of October when he’s free and file the writ. I said I’ll get back to him. he apologized for his lack of communication. He said if I wanted someone to represent me, that would be fine. I just might do that if that’s the case. he seemed like he had changed his demeanor with me. I expressed my dissatisfaction with him. He assured me that he’s on board with me. He wants to help me all the way. I’ll hold him to that. I still have to get my feedback from the lawyer first. I wrote KW to say thank you.
I received a letter from Yuri. She loved my poem and wanted to put it in her memoir. I said hell yeah! She met S and wanted to start a San Quentin 3 committee to help me and the guys. It’s a great idea. Yuri’s for it and will help publicize our plight and Ethnic Studies. She’s interested in the fight for Ethnic Studies. I wrote her back and gave her some details. She said that I should get my writings published so colleges can use it to teach Asian Americans about prison. I agreed, but I don’t know how to do that yet. I was pumped by her letter as usual. I shared it with Mike. He liked it. I’m sure he’s excited.
I wrote to K and told her what happened today. I have been busy all day. I got my canteen, only junk food. I gave Blue Eyes 10 stamps for drawing the praying hand to Rico. He’s happy I was so generous.
I called Mom again, but no one was home so I left a brief message. She’s probably in Oakland while Sis is on vacation.
I did some fishing. I got my two appeals back. I have to send them to the lawyer to process. It’s a lot of work. He told me he filed my write already. That was quick. I appreciate it.
I saw a few guys on the way back from visit. Hopefully I’ll be back on the line soon so I can work on going home. God willing. I pray that all is well with family and friends.
We had a semi difficult workout today. Mike’s not in shape so we didn’t push it. We did 100 10 counts burpees, 200 single leg squats, 200 wide stance squats, 20 Jasiris, and 100 mountain climbers. It was a decent workout, especially after playing a little bit of basketball.
I talked to Blue for a bit. Mike got his notice for ICC on Friday. After he told E that he’s 115 was heard. N gave him the notice and gave Mike the adjudication of the 115. I’ll be interesting to see how things unfold with Mike. I read his adjudication. If the hearing officer goes by evidence instead of trying to railroad me, there’s no way I’ll get find guilty. I think that’s one of the reasons why my 115 hasn’t been heard. We’ll see.
G and P come by briefly. After P left, I shared my poem with G. he was touched by it. I know he would appreciate it since he knows my situation. It’s always good to see friends.
Mike and I went to the law library. I did some research and made some copies. My lawyer helped me tremendously. He’s been inundated with paperwork. He’s a good brother. I do hope that I’ll be able to see him soon. G told me about MJ’s write on BPT. I hope I’ll get to read it and use it to help me with my parole situation.
I received a letter from K and C. I was able to write C back. She’s still getting over J’s passing. It’s understandable. I’m glad I could help her. K wrote a long letter. She offered to help me with my parole situation and gave me her telephone numbers and email. She sent me the Capaeria book from Amazone.com. I hope I’ll get it. I started to write to her, but didn’t finish. I’ll have more letters to write tomorrow.
I’m tired right now from being out more than usual. May the great spirit of love bless my family, friends and I.
The fact that I haven’t been call for my 115 hearing bothers me a little. It’s the fact of not knowing that’s eating at me. The truth is I can’t do anything about it, but wait.
I was called down to the Lieutenant’s office for a phone interview with Counselor K. She interviewed me for about ten minutes concerning my 7/14 citizen’s compliant. CC II H asked her to do it. She told me the response over the phone, but I can’t remember anything. All my issues were rejected. I just want to get the appeal back so I can process and exhaust it. That way I can file writ in the courts.
After the phone interview I asked Lt. L for a phone call. He said cool and dialed Mom’s number for me. On one was home in San Jose or Oakland. Just my luck. Hopefully I can try again next time when I’m around the office area.
I felt tire so I slept for a while. Then I pulled out my statistic book and studied for a while. It’s hard for me to concentrate and remember all the different terms. It requires repetition to study the terms. I need to get busy on it because I only have about six months left to finish it.
I didn’t receive any letters today. I wrote to H, B, A and P. I’ve pretty much written to all the people who I think would write support letters for me. We’ll see how many people will write for me. I’m still waiting for KW to come visit me. Unless he has some good reasons to convince me he’s willing to help me, I’m firing him.
I hope things will work out for me and my friends accordingly.
It has been a busy night for me. I managed to write eight letters and rearranged my appeals. I wrote to M, Sis, J, A, K, S, R and J. I asked them to write support letters for me and gave them a brief update of my situation. I’m sure they’ll do what they can to help me. I sent Sis a birthday card. Hopefully she has a chance to relax in Hawaii.
I sent another 602 to CCI n the violation of 3335. I also wrote to the appeal’s coordinator about the status of my appeals. I took care of business.
I went to yard. I played a couple of games against H. He’s a liar and a cheater. I did get a good sweat. Afterward we worked out. We did steps, burpees and pushups. We need to do more of it. I got some protein to refuel. Maybe I’ll gain some muscle weight.
I still haven’t been to my 115 hearing the time limit has expired. I think they did it on purpose after they saw the I.E. report and can’t find me guilty. They’re trying to set me up. I have to stay focus and be alert.
May the good spirit be with me always.
I have been anticipating for my 115 to be heard today. It’s been thirty days since the report was issued. Now the time has expired and my due process was violated. I did some last minute studying on my notes and statements for the hearing.
I was called over the P.A.(public address system), but was cancelled. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t relax all day. I was ready for the hearing and felt a little nervous. Now I can relax until tomorrow.
I read a little, then cooked lunch. Mike was sleeping so I had to soak the food in hot water to keep it warm. I like the lunch.
I wrote a letter to M, but I’m not finished. I’ll do more letter writing tomorrow. Another in the mad house.
My angle still hurts when I move it up and down. I didn’t play any games of basketball today. Rico and I walked around and talked for a while. We spoke about our families and how we feel about the whole thing. He’s been kicking back too much. We did some burpees, pushups and squats. It was beautiful out. I talked to R for a bit. He told me to stay focus on my goal. I had a good lunch.
My I.E. C came by and dropped off her report. She wasn’t able to reached HM. The other five witnesses answered the questions. They support my claim in the statements that they had provided. The time the 115 was issued was at 11:45. The I.E. gave me the report at 12:05. by the time my 115 gets heard, they had violated my due process. It’ll be more than 30 days. I’ll point that violation out the them in the hearing.
I received a piece of mail and the Harper magazine. When I looked at the return address I didn’t recognized the name right away. When I did realized it was from M. I was feeling happy that she finally wrote. She just wanted to holler. I look forward to meeting her too.
My much anticipated legal mail arrived. The write was denied. No evidentry hearing. That’s a big blow on us. Hopefully there’s a way I can still win.
I did a little revise on my statement for the hearing. I didn’t do much else. The time went by too fast. I got the Chinese stamp from my friend. I feel tired right now physically.
Again, the day went by quickly. I had plenty to do. I received my canteen today, but some items were missing as usual. I gave some stuff to Mike and Rico. I also gave some soups to the neighbors since they don’t have anything.
I didn’t make it to the library so Rico made some copies for me. He messed up by not copying double sided, lost my board recommendation sample and sent the wrong thing to the lawyer. He’s too dull.
Counselor E came by to get me to sign the parole hearing notice. He asked if I’m signing to postpone my hearing as if he knows that I’m going to postpone it. When I said that I’ll have to talk to my attorney first and that I might go to the hearing, he said that I would be going in yellow (All solitary prisoners wear yellow jumpsuit as a way to separate from the reception “orange” and mainline “blue” population.) He stated the warden wants to transfer the three of us even if she has to go to the review board. He said there were too many disgruntled lifers on the line about what happened. We’ll see.
G dropped by briefly. He’s on the move.
I received a letter form J finally. It was great to hear from her. ZY’s jealous that I wrote her long letters. Oh well. I sent her a card to acknowledge her letter. S surprised me by writing again. He’s very loyal to me. I wrote him back and try to talk some sense into him to stay productive. I found out that A and K have the same b-day. I sent them each a belated b-day card. I wrote J a short letter asking for her support. She probably won’t write. I wrote to M and sent him my poem and article. Hopefully he’s doing well.
I still haven’t receive my I.E. report. Tomorrow is the deadline for them to hear my 115 and the court’s deadline to respond to my denial. May the judge ruled in my favor. The whole situation is getting complicated and is looking better for me. Hopefully I’m doing the right thing by fighting all the way. I have to follow through.
My knees, right angle and lower back are still hurting from yesterday’s physical activity. I don’t even know how the time went by so quickly.
I was interviewed by Lt. L concerning my property 602 on the court deadline. He responded to it and had me sign it. I signed for it saying I received 2 boxes of legal property. He mentioned that “You have a lot going on. Good luck.” I guess everyone in high ranking knows something about my situation.
I did some reading, then i wrote some Chinese characters. My penmanship is not well, but I did what I can to write. Hopefully someone will be satisfy with the writings.
I wrote a letter to the Archdiocese of L.A. Sr. J asking her to write a support letter for me. I also wrote a letter to M. I didn’t receive anything from J. Mr. W finally wrote and said he’ll schedule for a visit. Let’s see what excuses he has to justify his non-responses to my requests.
I got my 602 response back form second level in the property issue. It’s going to the third level. The administration is too arrogant. I’ts digging a hole for itself.
I went through my legal boxes and got what I need for exhibits. I should be hearing from the court soon. I still haven’t got my I.E. report yet. There’re four more days left on my 115 to be heard or it’ll pass the time limit. It’ll have to be reissued and heard. I don’t know what they are thinking. If they try to drag this think on, they’re stupid. Time is to my advantage.
The good spirit is working its magic for me and Mike. He went to his hearing tonight. Lt. Y heard his 115. He started to find him guilty before the hearing start, but after he heard all the evidence, he said he can’t find him guilty. However, he’s under pressure from the administration to find Mike guilty. Either he does the lawful thing or he’ll have to go against the law. I pray that he does what’s evident.
I’m glad things are happening that way. I hope my luck is even better. I need to move on and get out the prison. God bless me.
*This reflection was written 9 years ago today.
My whole body is in pain, especially my knees, lower back and neck. I got banged up playing basketball today. I fell hard when going after a rebound. My feet got tangled with Mike’s. Then i twisted my right angle. the hardest blow came when Mike’s shoulder hit my chin when going up for a layup. My jaw and head snapped back. It’s too dangerous. We did some burpees, 100 6 counts. It was a fun and physical day.
After yard I did an inventory of my property. Officer I bough them by from North Block. He gave me two boxes of legal works. He’ll have to inventory the rest and give me what’s allowable. My boxes were opened and inventoried by North Block staff. I haven’t had a chance to look through everything yet.
I didn’t get any mail today. I was hoping that I’ll get call to library, but i didn’t. I have to make some major copies. I managed to write some letters to ask for support. I wrote to Fr. O, Rev. K, P, EC, L and J. I hope they’ll write letters for me. G came by. He’ll try to get me a job offer and others to write letters for me.
I got today’s Chronicle and yesterday’s Press Democrat. It’s been a while since I got to read a newspaper. I have plenty to read.
I took a Ibuprofen for my pain. I know I’ll feel it more tomorrow.
I didn’t get any notice for ICC today, so i won’t be going this week. I wonder what’s taking them so long to hear our 115. It’s getting late on the date. I know they’re up to no good. We’ll see.
*This reflection is written 9 years ago today.
I didn’t manage my time well so I didn’t get all the letters I wanted out. I wrote to Yuri and sent her the visiting approval form. The visiting processing was slow. I’m glad that she’s approved.
I wrote to A and asked her to write support letter for me. I told her about the website situation. I wrote to D and K asking them for support. I wrote to G and sent her my documents and asked her to share them with my friends. Hopefully things will work out. It can only get better.
The day went by too quick it seemed. I didn’t feel like a shower since I didn’t do anything. I let my body recuperate. I got some magazines to read. I appreciate them. My citizen’s complaint got kicked back to me. The Appeal’s Coordinator is wrong to screen 8it out claiming it was a duplicate. I’ll get them for violating my due process.
I didn’t hear from J. Hopefully she received my letters and is doing all right.
Another day in the mad house.
Finally, there was yard today. It’s a cloudless sky for a while until around noon time. The sun was out early. Mike hurt his wrist from falling inside the shower so we couldn’t play any games. We shot around and practiced handling the ball. I got a little sweat. Hopefully we’ll work out on Tuesday. Rico and I kicked for a bit, just bonding. He gave me twenty stamps. I needed them.
I took a nap after lunch. Then I got busy writing letters to friends. I wrote to M, Yuri, A, S, R, W, sis and Mom. I asked them to write support letters for me in anticipation of my parole hearing. I sent Yuri and M copies of the letter to politicians. Hopefully they can help draw some attention on our plight. I have more letters to write tomorrow night. I’ll be busy all day.
I bumped my left knee against the bunk. It hurt. My fingers hurt from all the jams playing basketball. I need to do more yoga and stretching exercises to heal myself. I have not done much yoga lately.
May the Gods continued to smile on me.
*This reflection was written 9 years ago today.
In the past six days I probably have been out of the cell for about three hours. The rest of the time somehow passed quickly in the cell. I read a lot. That’s a good thing. I just finished reading Roses are Red by Patterson. I started last night and was done tonight. That’s how I pass my time today. It’s a break from all the legal work and from thinking too much. I enjoyed myself.
I cooked lunch for Mike and I. With the limited ingredients I got, it turned out pretty good. I chopped up some peppers and carrots I got from the lunch bag. I cooked the noodles and the meat log separately. Then I added seasoning and mixed everything in a chip bag. Mike liked it and wanted me to do it again. I don’t mind. We just need the ingredients.
I have some letters to write tomorrow to solicit support letters from friends. I need their help urgently. My time is limited since my BPT report is due on 10/14/02. Hopefully things will work out.
A and the kids had their demonstration at city hall today. I prayed for their success. I’m ready for the challenges of tomorrow.
*This reflection was written 9 years ago today.
I was ready for yard after workout. However, there was a shake down. No yard. That’s twice this week.
I was called for ICC as expected. I waited for a while with my statement ready. Then by the time I went, counselor E found out that I did get a 115 and it wasn’t heard. He said he’ll call me next week. I haven’t received my IE report yet. Counselor S sent me a note informing me that I’m scheduled for the December calendar for BPT (Board of Prison Terms.) I haven’t get my support letters ready yet. I’ll have to postpone the hearing until the situation is over and that I get all my support letters. I have to write letters over the weekend.
S sent me a postcard from Washington. She’ll be back tomorrow and try to come see me next week.
I got my 9/4 602 back, rejected because It’s a duplicate, but it’s not. The appeal’s coordinator is screening out my 602s, violating my due process. I’ll keep at it.
I kicked back the rest of the day reading. I look forward t another day. I pray that A and the youth will have a successful demonstration tomorrow.
*This is a reflection from 9 years ago today.
I can never get enough of encouragement from friends and family. Yuri wrote and sent me a reading by a congresswoman. She expressed her concerns about my Ad Seg situation. She encouraged me to write. She sent another visiting form for approval. I wrote her back and explained my situation.
Mom wrote. She had a great trip. She worried about me as usual. I wrote her a brief letter telling her what’s new with me. I’ll write again on Sunday.
A wrote. That was a pleasant surprise. She offered to do the website for me. I’ll take up her offer.
I sent five letters to politicians. Hopefully I’ll get some response. I wrote to Polanco, Pelosi, Feinstein, Boxer, and Nation. I finished reading Zami and started reading All That’s Solid Melts Into Air and Chinamen.
Rico gave me some soups and so did Mike.
The day was productive. I went to the law library and made copies and did research. I wrote my statement for the ICC, just in case. I heard from the lawyer. He did the best to help me. I got a note fro the ERO concerning my citizen’s complaint.
I did a light workout in the morning before shower. I feel better receiving letters from family and friends.
The future is unknown, but I’m ready. All is well at the end. I have to have fate.
Finally, I received a letter, from France at that. I recognized the handwriting. D was visiting friends there. She’s back now. I’m glad she always had me in her thoughts. I didn’t get anything else from friends. I also hope that CC would come visit me today, but he didn’t. I still don’t know if B has received my request. Oh well, things will progress as well.
I finished reading Lorde’s book Zami. I got to know her life and her writing style. I still need to read more of her writing to see her political side.
Today is the first anniversary of the WTC (World Trad Center) and Pentagon bombing. I’m sure there are a lot going on out there in the free world. In here things are the same, locked up 24/7 and noisy. It’s just another day. I have no TV, radio, newspaper, so I don’t know much about the happenings of the world. See no evil, hear no evil.
G dropped by briefly to say hi. It’s good to see somebody especially a friend.
I thought about D for a while this afternoon, just reminiscing and wishing. How much things have changed since then!? I’m sure we’ll meet again.
I did a little study on Statistic. That was good.
I have been eating and not exercising. I was more disciplined the first couple of months. Another 24/7 passed.
No letters in, no letters out. I didn’t make it to the library so I couldn’t send the letters out to the politicians. Things didn’t go smooth today. Yard was cancelled due to search in Downer section. I was disappointed, but I didn’t get bent out of shape. I’m way passed that stage. The next two days I’ll be spending them in the cell except for shower or visit.
I finished reading Zia’s book. I enjoyed the history lessons and her memoir. I learned many new facts. I read the book in four days. I’m glad New York sent me that book.
CCI E dropped by around 12:00 to give me the 128-B notice for ICC on Friday considering for my transfer. I haven’t been to my 115 hearing yet. It’s a conspiracy staged by the administration to get rid of me. Mike got the same notice. I’ll fight it all the way. Hopefully the Marin Court will help me out.
I slept, ate and read all day. I did a little writing to the lawyer. Hopefully he can help me too. I’m looking forward to hearing from J and Mom.
Today is the first time I didn’t shower when it was my turn. I slept in. Then I read Zia’s book. I learned a lot about the Asian American movements. The lack of unity is still prevalent today among different Asian groups. That will always exist when the goal for people is to become rich. I want to finish reading the book tomorrow. I stop in between to write the letters to the politicians. I have a couple more to go.
My I.E. Officer C came by and told me that I can only have 3 witnesses. She said that’s what “they” told her. Well, there is no limit to how many witnesses I can call according to the Title 15. I reluctantly chose 3 inmate witnesses and 3 outside witnesses. They’re violating my rights. I signed a declaration on what’d transpired. “They” will pay for their violations.
My food stock is running low, but I still eat plenty. I rested my body today. Everything is going to be all right – in the morning. I didn’t receive any mail today. I should get a letter from J soon. I haven’t done my studying on the Statistic course. I can’t concentrate on it right now. I do need to start again. At least do my first lesson homework. I also need to study my Spanish just to refresh my vocabularies.
It’s always nice to be out on the yard with friends. We played a few games of basketball. I had a good sweat. We have to start working out. I had my hair trimmed by H.
My mind is not thinking logically. I took a nap in the afternoon. The rest of the day I read Zia’s book. I felt my blood boiling and moist in my eyes when I was reading the section on Vincent Chin. I can identify with what she wrote in the book of her experience. I’m glad I got the book because I’m learning history.
I didn’t write today. Tomorrow is another struggle.
*This reflection is written 9 years ago today.
It’s a down day so I slept in. I was hoping for a visit, but no one showed up. That’s how I put myself in a conflict. I don’t want to bother people to come see me, but I hope that someone would come.
I read Lorde’s book. In the afternoon, I got three more books. I picked up Helen Zia’s book “Asian American Dreams” and flipped through the back pages. In the acknowledgement section I saw M’s name. It was a coincident that I looked in the back. I’ll write to her and mention my discovery. I read 40 pages of the book. It’s a history book combined with her memoir and thinking or the other way around. Reading the book made me thought about writing my own. Maybe one day it will happen. I ate a lot more than I should have, but I kept doing it. My cold is almost gone. I should be fine tomorrow.
I wrote a letter Nancy Pelosi. I’ll mail it out when I get copies of attachments. J asked me for some legal advice. I did my best to help him. I also helped my neighbors out on coffee and soups. I don’t mind helping, but I dislike being used.
Rico went to his 115 hearing and was found guilty, but it was reduced to a 128. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I’m feeling…
*This is a reflection written 9 years ago today.
“Whenever a prisoner goes to ICC (Institution Classification Committee,) it is his or her legal right to receive a 72 hour notice so he or she can prepare for any committee hearing that will dictate his or her wellbeing. However, prison officials are notorious in violating prisoners of their rights of notification. Unfortunately, most of the prisoners do not understand their rights or how to exercise them. As a result, prison officials usually get away with knowingly trembling on prisoners’ rights. “
I feel better physically. I played basketball with the guys for a couple of hours. Then I felt tire and weak. We talked briefly and just enjoyed each other’s company. B finally made it to the Big yard.
The Officer who escorted me to yard asked if I want to go to ICC or yard. I was surprised because I didn’t get any notice for ICC. I told Sgt. G that I’m not refusing to go to ICC, but I need 72 hours notice. I’m assuming that Counselor E got my 602 and decided to take me to ICC. I’ll be ready when I go.
I read for the rest of the day. I didn’t feel like writing. I read “Zami,” Audre Lorde’s book. My eyes are paying the price. I like the book because of her writing. I will write like that when I write my book.
CC sent me a copy of the Warden’s letter in response of his letter. That might be another reason why I was scheduled for ICC.
My court deadline for access to my property 602 is on the first level. I have a bunch of Citizen’s Complaints on the prison. They keep violating my rights.
I’m still eating like crazy. I’m not hungry when I eat. I just like to eat. I will rest some more and get well by Sunday for the workout.
*This is a reflection written 9 years ago today.
My right fingers and hand are sored form printing letters all night.
I drafted and rewrote my letter to the Lawyer committee for Human Rights. I also sent one out to Senator Burton, Assemblyman Aroner, and the Inspector General’s Office. I asked for their intervention in defending my civil rights. I will send more out on Sunday to other politicians. I sent my 602 out on 3135 (section of the Title 15.)
I received a letter from K. It must’ve been a delayed letter. She said she saw LM on PBS one day.
I had a productive night. Something’s going to break soon. I have to stay focus and keep fighting for my rights.
I’m still sick, but I got better. I rested all morning. I finished reading “The Sun.” I like this magazine. Hopefully I’ll be well tomorrow so I can play ball and exercise. I ate a lot throughout the day. I still sneeze from time to time.
May all my friends be well. My family be healthy and happy.
*This reflection was written 9 years ago today.
Somehow I caught a cold today. My nose is running a little. I think it’s because I got out of bed early in the morning and got cold.
P left this morning around 2am to Avenal Prison. He was expecting the call. I just woke up in the middle of my sleep and heard that he was leaving. He’s an interesting character and a good person to befriend. I wish I had known him earlier. I said goodbye to him. Then I went back to sleep.
I didn’t even eat breakfast. I had a good nap. Then I ate a bit in the morning and afternoon. I read “The Sun” magazine and lay in bed. I waited until after dinner before I write my letters.
I received a letter from A, AY, and C. A gave me an update and some encouraging words of wisdom. She made me feel hopeful and excited. I wrote her back and thanked her. I wrote to AY and told him I’ll have L contact him. He sent me the article he wrote. He said a reporter from a local news station wants to use my situation to make his point. I wrote to Sis and asked her to call him, call KW and help me with my parole. I told her how I feel about my freedom. Hopefully she can understand where I’m coming from. I also told G the same thing. I asked for her help. I asked her to contact A and help her. I probably sounded pathetic in the letter, but I don’t care. I want to go home.
G dropped by. We just chatted about things. Rico got his I.E. He’s ready to start the hearing process. I hope he did the right things. Mike asked if I did my writings. I told him I’ll do them tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be able to get them done and make copies of them.
My hand is tired from writing and my back’s tired from sitting. I took a 400mg of IBprofen to help with my cold and muscle pain from yesterday’s workout. I know Rico’s hurting.
C sent me the article on me. He was thoughtful. I appreciate it. Time for bed.
It’s been a tiring day because I didn’t get a chance to nap. Rico and I shot around with the basketball for a while. I didn’t feel energized after that. After we walked around a bit, we did some burpees. Rico had to stop because he’s not used to this exercise. We did some yoga afterward. Mike’s still sick so he didn’t do anything. It was cool outside.
After yard, I ate and read Audre Lorde’s book for a while. Then I was called for law library. I went and did some research and made some copies. Mr. J thinks that I’ll be transfer also. We’ll see.
Dinner was delicious. It was two pieces of chicken breasts. My favorite. I had sweet fruit slices for dessert.
K’s book Capoeirea got here, but I couldn’t have it. It was not sent from the vendor. I had to send it back. I wrote and told her what happened and sent her a copy of the Chronicle article.
I submitted my 602 of 7/14. I sent the trust withdraw (a form uses to retrieve money from my account) to the mailroom. I received “The Sun” magazine. I sent the lawyer a letter. He helped me with the 602.
I’m tire physically. It was a productive day. I need some rest.
I just received my citizen’s compliant that I filed on 7/14. The response was never return to me until now. I asked Officer U to sign for the delivery date. That way they can’t say that I had exceeded the time constraint. I sent a 602 citizen’s compliant to the Employee Relations Officer T.R. I had to resubmit the 602. I attached the 114D lockup order and CC’s letter on retaliation. Hopefully I’ll get things straighten out.
I wrote to C. I gave her and R the best advice I know – to let go. I hope I’ll see her soon so we can talk about her feelings.
It’s a lazy day. I slept in the morning after shower. Then I read the economic book. I didn’t start writing until after dinner. I started to rewrite my shower experience. Maybe I’ll be able to finish it this week. I was going to write to G, but I decided to wait for her to visit.
Things will work out accordingly. May all my family and friends be well.
The first of September started out to be a beautiful day. The sun was shining early. It felt more like summer.
Rico had an early visit. His Mom came up to see him.
I played “Around the World” and a couple of games of 21. My shooting has gotten better. Liebb would be surprised if we get to play basketball together again. I always got my sweat on yard days. Mike wasn’t feeling well so he just kicked it with P and when B came out. B gave me the S.F. Chronicle article that mentioned my parole situation. I didn’t trip until I was talking to Rico about it. The author was positive. I hope he’ll follow through to help me. H cut my hair. I’ve been waiting three weeks for it. He did a good job considering he didn’t have all the necessary tools.
I took a nap in the afternoon. I have been eating too much. I know I say that everyday. I don’t find the need to discipline my eating yet. I showed P my defense statement. He liked it. I’m ready.
The night just passed by. I was planning to write a poem and the shower experience, but I didn’t make time to do it. I gave Rico some stamps. He’s eating a lot also.
I have plenty to do tomorrow.
August is over. The coming month is full of uncertainties. I know that good things are awaiting me. It’s all about living in the present. Or else, I won’t be able to overcome my setbacks and obstacles.
Mom and Dad should be back from their trip. I’m sure they had a great time. They deserve it.
I did a few sets of arms and chest before shower. I read a little and went to sleep. The rest of the day I spent on rewriting my defense statement. I’m satisfied with the revision. My right hand is sored from all the writing. I ate a lot throughout the day. I can’t gain any weight still.
The days are moving in a fast pace. I hope for someone to visit me, but I didn’t get one. I don’t trip. Things will happen accordingly. I wish all my friends and family are in good health.
It’s late. The gun cop is yelling sexual slurs to the prisoners and the prisoners are yelling back at him. This happens every night when the cop B is working. If it’s not them, it could be the P.C.s and dropouts on first tier talking loud after shut down.
I just finished writing my defense statement using my lawyer’s suggestions. I have been at it all night. It ended up being five pages double space. It’s a very strong statement. Any impartial person looks at the statement and facts will exonerate me. However, the administration doesn’t play fair. It will use all means necessary to get rid of me. As G said, “I might lose the battle, but I’ll win the war.” I hope he’s wrong and I win both. I talked to him for a while. It breaks the monotony.
I went to yard and played ball with Rico and Mike. We got our sweat on, but we haven’t work out together yet. We played two games and some Horse. Rico finally got a haircut since he’s in the hole. I’ll get mines cut eventually. It’s cold out until almost yard recall.
Rico shot me the Maxium mag. I read it in the afternoon. Officer T gave me another book from Ohio on Statistic. I haven’t had time to get into it. I got a Chinese dictionary and Spanish dictionary from the library. They helped me to write letters.
I’m staying up late for the first time willingly. It’s Friday. Rico gave me some stamps. I’ll be all right for a while.
It was so noisy during parts of the day I had to use my earplugs. They helped filter the direct assault to the ear drum.
Mr. K came by to give me info on the use of calculator. He said he talked to Captain N about it. Captain N said that I would be out of here in a week after my 115 hearing. I guess he or the administration had a plan to get rid of me. That’s their thinking. We’ll see. Mr. K said J, the Columbian, said hi to me. He read my article and is an A student majoring in engineering.
My I.E. is C/O C. She came by to get statements from me. I asked for a staff assistance and signed for it. I gave her my witnesses list and questions. She asked if I had a statement. I told her I’ll bring it to the hearing. I hope she does her job to get the necessary information.
I spent the rest of the day writing letters. I wrote to K and tanked her for the book. She’d shared some of her personal info with me. I wrote to P and kept her updated. I also asked her to ask C to write me.
When the C/O came by to pick up mail, he gave me a rerouted letter. It’s from C. she finally bought herself to write after Josh (A close friend who had died in prison.) passed. She’s thinking about him daily. Josh’s passing made her very sad. She had a special connection with Josh. I should’ve been there for her. I found mist in my eyes as I was reading her letter. I’ll write her back over the weekend.
I received a letter from K. She’s willing to help me with writing support letters and petitions. I asked her to wait till I get more info from my friends. She told me D and A said hi. I was happy to hear that. I wrote her back. I wrote to J and told her how I felt about her relationship with ZY. I know it’s not going to work, but it’s up to her to figure things out. I wrote to Mom and gave her the news with my situation. I want to prepare her mentally. She’ll be all right.
I received more info on preparing my defense on the 115. Based on evidence and facts, I should beat the 115. The administration is not going to like that. I’m going to be all right.
My back is still bothering me. I need to take better care of myself. I did some exercises before I shower this morning. I need to be more discipline in working out. I’ve been eating a lot.
Mike went to the law library. The copy machine was down so he couldn’t make any copies. He said CC’s pissed at him. I don’t know why. I hope he’d received my letter and documents. I need his help to get the deliberations.
May the spirit of the creator help me and continue to protect me.
I wasn’t able to write too many letters tonight because I spent my time finalizing my defense statement. I’m almost ready for the hearing unless something more helpful comes along.
Counselor came by in the morning and dropped off another copy of the redacted 40 page supplemental document. I asked him for a staff assistant and an I.E. He said he’ll see what he can do. I also asked him when will I be going to ICC. He said as soon as the 115 is heard. It might be a week or two.
I read the econ book for a while. I learned more on the things of economists. I can talk to the teenagers about it.
My lower back is stiff. My knees hurt and my body is scratched up. I need to heal myself before it gets worse.
I received six letters today. Mom, J, B, K, P and S wrote. K sent me a book on Caprera. I hope I’ll get it. She used some heat sensitive paper to write tome. It’s cool. J is back in Beijing. She has to deal with her situation with ZY. I’ll help her sort her thoughts out the best I can. She has to make the final decision. I hope she’d received my letter by now. Mom wrote before she left for the trip. Things are getting better at home. That’s good. S wrote and talked about girls and how hard it’s to get a job. He’s in a less desirable situation because of his lack of education and instable mindset. He thinks highly of me. I appreciate that. B finally wrote. She’s taking a trip to Spain in a few weeks. She asked about writing and how I get my ideas. I asked her to come see me. P told me about her family, R and C. I like her way of expression. I’m glad she’s my friend. I have plenty of writing to do tomorrow.
It’s been a productive day. I felt good receiving all the letters.
It was extremely nice outside today. We played a couple of basketball games. I had a good sweat. We stood around and talked to P for a while. We didn’t get a chance to workout. It felt good being in the sun for a bit. The next two days we’ll be in the cell.
I read the Harper’s Mag for a while. I took a nap in the middle of all the screaming. I was tired.
G dropped by to say hi. I received a letter from A. she’s checking in. I wrote her back and kept her updated. I got a form letter from W on the class action on parole hearing denial. I also got a letter from L.A. Achieves. BPF (Buddhist Peace Fellowship) sent me another issue of the Turning Wheel. The mail only took three to four days. It was quick.
I looked at my defense statement again after Mike showed me his. I need to rewrite it to make it better. I’ll be ready. I have too much to do.
I know that I am repeating myself, but the day just went by quickly. I don’t have a specific routine that I followed. Each day is different in terms of what I do in the cell.
My I.E. (Investigative Employee is assigned to assist a prisoner to gather information before a hearing.) showed up by the door around noon. It was Officer D. She started asking me questions regarding my statement for the 115. I told her I need a staff assistant. I also asked has she done the I.E. work before. She said once. I then told her that due to the complexity of the 115, I would like to have someone with more experience. She was cool with it and left. Apparently she’s Mike’s I.E. also. I didn’t know if I had made the correct decision not accepting her as my I.E. she seemed like she’s willing to do the work. I feel it would be better if we have different I.E. so they can spend more time helping each one of us. I hope I’ll get someone who is impartial and do a thorough job. I went through all the related sections in the Title 15 again.
G came by and I showed him my statement and witness questions. We talked for a while.
The rest of the day I rewrote the statement, read, wrote a letter to A. he’s approved to visit me. I sent him a copy of the approved notice. I don’t know what happened to Yuri’s visiting form. She sent it in before A. Maybe I’ll get it this week. I hope we’ll have yard tomorrow.
It was the first day Rico was able to go to group yard. I was able to give him a couple of big hugs. However, I didn’t get a chance to talk to him because the yard was closed early. A fight broke out between two African Americans. I did what I could to stop them, but they didn’t listen so I got out of the way. A punch was thrown, the alarm sounded, and police with block guns and pepper sprays were everywhere. The yard was recalled at about nine o’clock. I didn’t get a chance to exercise or kick it with Rico. I was ready to play some ball too.
I spent the day writing out my statement and asked Mike’s input. I’m getting ready.
I finished writing to O. I wrote 1,280 Chinese characters.
The day went by relatively fast. I haven’t had a chance to do my correspondence material or read books for leisure.
I hope I don’t have to be here until October. I wonder why no one came visit?
I haven’t been able to get a good workout during shower days. It’s too early in the morning. With the consistency of yard, I get enough exercises by playing basketball.
I did some reading in the morning. The rest of the day I spent reviewing my defense on the charge. I finished going through the 40 page supplemental report. The investigators lied through their teeth on the redacted document. I should show a preponderance of evidence to dismiss the charge, if I get an impartial hearing officer.
It’s a down day and quiet. I started a draft letter to A. It’s a challenge to write in Chinese using the old writing. Plus I can’t remember some of the vocabularies. I’ll do my best.
My neighbor was moved out of his cell. He belongs in the hospital.
All afternoon and night I have been working on preparing my defense for the 115. I did researches on the necessary sections from the Title 15 that apply to my defense and appeal. I went page to page from the 40 page supplement to refute the investigation’s false statements and lies. They twisted things around and manipulated words and statements to portray me as a liar. In fact, they are the liars. I was able to get a lot accomplished.
I had yard this morning and had a chance to talk to Rico for a bit. He went to ICC concerning his parole denial and yard status. He’ll be with us on Sunday. Mike and I played three games of basketball. We were on opposite teams. I won two out of three. My shots have been going in. The practices paid off. Porter helped give me some ideas by talking out loud.
G came by and we talked for a while. I didn’t receive any mail today. I did get a book from the library request. I have plenty to read now. C/O T delivered 14 photos from ISU. I gave him my 602 on the property and deadline. He responded on the informal level.
My right hand is cramping from writing for a few hours straight. Time went by way too quickly. The noise didn’t even bother me because I was concentrated on writing.
At 12:45 this afternoon, I was given my CDC 115 along with a 40 page report on the result of the investigation by C/O S. he read the charge to me. I asked for an I.E. and signed the request. After I read the report which mainly deals with Mike’s situation, I had a better idea of what the ISU had. Some of the statements pertaining to me were not true. I have to depict the whole document and refute the charge. Mike and Rico both received 115s; Mike’s for conduct and Rico for gambling. They’re messing with Rico by giving him another 115. They always will fabricate evidence and twist the truth. Now I have to defend myself.
I went to law library and did my research and made copies and sent to my lawyer. Hopefully I can win this thing.
I received a few letters today. I received a letter from S. she just wrote a short not to say hi and wonder if she can visit. I wrote back and asked her to come up. A guy named AJ wrote me. He wanted me to call him concerning my parole situation. He was a Bible study teacher in B-5 (Youth Guidance Center in San Francisco.) I don’t remember him. I told him what happened to me and asked him to write me. O wrote and sent me a picture. She graduated from Yale with honor. She’s going to be in Hong Kong studying for a year. She’s extremely smart. She wrote the letter in Chinese.
CC sent me the letter he sent to the Warden. I wrote him and sent him all my documents. I also sent him my poem to share with others. I hope he can help me.
GM wrote and said she’ll visit soon. I appreciate her reply and willingness to help. I need all the support from outside. I sent her my poem and gave her a brief update.
I sent Mr. W a copy of my 115. I wonder what he’ll do. It seemed like he doesn’t care about my situation. He hasn’t been a good legal consult to me.
My 602 on getting my property was returned to me. It was not process as an emergency 602. They’re playing games and denying my due process. How can that not be considered as an emergency 602 when I have a court deadline?
I received my Harper magazine. It’s been an active day. I only did a light workout because lack of time before my shower.
I’m glad things are moving. May we come out victorious in the end. God bless us and our families and friends.
Noise has become part of my daily companion. I don’t know how my eardrum handles the level of noise, but I’m aware of it. My neighbor did not act out last night or today. I realized from talking to him that all he needs is someone to talk to when he’s stressing. We were able to have a decent conversation. He said he started doing some of the yoga exercises. I’m glad to hear that.
I received another letter from Mom. She just wanted to respond to my letters before she leaves for her trip. She gave me some advice and asked me to be a regular guy. I will do my best to do that after this chaos is over. I need to go home and be with my family.
I got my stamped copy of the Denial back. Hopefully it’s enough for the judge to grant me an evidentiary hearing.
I rested my body today. I study statistics for a while. It was too noise so I couldn’t concentrate. It took me a long time to study three areas. I also received a catalog from Ohio University.
I read the econ book during my breaks. I like it.
Around four-thirty this morning I was up. My neighbor MS got his bus ticket. He has 121 years to life to do. I wish him luck. Now I have a new neighbor who has a mental condition. He bangs on the bed and yells out loud. He’s stressing. Other people taunt him. I don’t know how he feels, but I empathize with him. I feel blessed that I don’t have his condition. I gave him a book and two magazines to read. He has been quiet.
I received a letter from Mom. She’s traveling out of the country with Dad to celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary. She told me she saw S and his girlfriend. She said he’s lucky. She also said that her and Dad are not getting healthier, but getting older and in deteriorated shape. She wants to see me home next to her so she can love me. I felt a sadness that prompted me to give up everything so I can be home with her. I don’t want to wait too long before they get too old. I want to go home.
Rico found that the BPT took his date. I feel sorry for him too especially under these conditions. He will win his freedom and more because the prison officials totally violated his rights. I sent him a note to show him my support.
G was in a hurry today so we talked briefly.
I wrote a letter to A just to say hi. I forgot to ask him about the visiting application. He hasn’t tried to contact Mom yet.
Mike and I played three games of basketball today. We lost two. His blister came back because he doesn’t have a pair of tennis shoes. I jammed my neck and am sored now.
I wrote a 602 on ICC not taking me to committee every 30 days. I also wrote out all the 602s I’ve filed since I’ve been in the hole. I wrote to the appeals coordinator about my two unresponsive emergency 602s. They’re violating my due process right continuously. I still haven’t received any paperwork yet. I want to get this thing over with.
I rewrote my poem. I’ll make a copy then send it out to friends.
I’m tired from the day’s activities. I’ll get to rest my body tomorrow.
The overcast weather and cold wind welcome the volunteers as everyone enter the gates of San Quentin State Prison for the 8th annual T.R.U.S.T. (an inmate activity group) health fair. Centerforce, Bay Area Black Nurses Association, Alameda County Public Health Department and Urban Male Health Initiative are the proud sponsors for this event. Health professionals and non-profit organizations provide health information and reentry resources for hundred of prisoners on the lower yard of the prison.
One of the most popular services in the health fair was from the Love Your Body Chiropractic Wellness Studio. Volunteer professionals provide chiropractic adjustment for the prisoners. People were lining up for hours to get a chance to have their bodies adjusted.
I was able to participant in the event with a group of Asian and Pacific Islander volunteers and staff from the Asian health Services. We were able to provide cultural competent resources for the API prisoners. For many of the prisoners, they just wanted to talk to someone from the outside.
I’m always grateful whenever I have an opportunity to go in the prison that is once my home. I get to talk to many of the prisoners I still know who are doing life terms. It’s sad to know that many of them have been incarcerated for 30, 35, and 40 years. When I was reflecting with this Native American brother who’s been down for 40 years about hope and freedom, I told him many of the young African American males in the community don’t get to live up to 40 years before they’re murdered. Sometimes it’s blessing to be able to survive 40 years of incarceration. and remain sane.
There are too many transformed life term prisoners deserve to be out of prison and given the opportunity to utilize their experiences and skills to make a positive impact in society. The Prison Industrial Complex must stop wasting tax payers money to warehouse people who have rehabilitated themselves.
It’s been a fast moving day. I read the disciplinary section of the Prisoner’s Handbook.
G dropped by briefly to share his weekend with his great-granddaughters with me.
I did my workout before shower. It felt good to take a hot shower then at the end shower in cold water for a minute. It woke the body up.
I wrote to ZY in Chinese. I noticed I have lost a lot of the vocabularies. I can talk better than I write. I dropped J a couple of pages. She hasn’t received my letter yet. When she does she’ll have plenty to read about. I received a letter from M. It’s a pleasant surprise. She’s living in Emeryville with her boyfriend F. She’ll be teaching in Oakland Tech. It’s great to hear from her. I sent her the visiting application so she can come see me. I need to stay close to the Bay so I can be connected with friends and family.
I started reading the economic book by Heilbroner “The Worldly Philosophers.” I’m in the first chapter and I like it already. I’m reading three books at the same time.
I haven’t done my lesson on the statistics yet. I have too much to do. I need to manager my time better.
I haven’t heard form Mom. I hope all is well with everyone.
It’s C’s birthday. I hope she has straightened out her life. She had been through much suffering.
I didn’t finish writing the letter to ZY. I wasn’t thinking logically anyway. I’ll rewrite it tomorrow. I wrote to A and told her about my feelings on starting to implement our ideas prematurely. I also reminded her to be sure the youth have fun when they get into activism and politics. I look forward to hear what she had accomplished concerning my campaign.
It was cold outside today. Mike and I walked for a while. He didn’t play ball caused of his blisters. I played some 21s and then we did some burpes. He’s still trying to get his strength back.
I took a nap, read a little, and wasted the night away. I ate a big bowl of rice with bean, soy meat, preserved vegi and salad for dinner. I still wish the water’s hotter.
Another day went by quickly. Mike thinks that we’ll be settled down by the end of September. I hope things will work out for me. I don’t mind going to Solano prison and concentrate on my parole. I have to beat whatever charges they try to get me on.
I talked to R for a bit. He’ll see me on the streets. He’s a cool dude. God bless me.
What can I say? Nine years ago today, I was in a cold cell surrounded by concrete and steel in San Quentin’s solitary confinement learning how to fight for my rights and freedom. Today, there is a story to be told. It is another history in the making. However, as always, this story of redemption cannot be share without the support from all the people who believe in transformation and restorative justice. Please support this documentary project by spreading the word and donate.
It’s a slow day. I slept for a while after working out and shower. The room was cold.
Mike shot me his Prisoner’s Handbook and some cases on retaliation. I read for a long time. All the cases come down to whether there is a penological interest for the prison authority to violate a prisoner’s right. If there isn’t, then the 1983 (Federal Civil Rights law suit) retaliation claim will be strong. We have to wait and see if ours will stand up in court.
I have been eating more than I should. I have letters to write, but I felt lazy. I read a couple of chapters of” Writing Well.” It’s very helpful.
I have been here two months and I have no idea how long I’ll stay. Everything is in a holding pattern. I just have to go with the flow and roll with the punches.
It’s been cold out in the morning. I’m glad that I have my thermals. Mike and I played a couple of basketball games. We beat the two brothers badly. We’re too healthy and out hustled them. Mike doesn’t have basketball shoes on so he got blood blisters. We did some pushups and squat. It felt good to be out on the yard. Too bad Rico can’t join us. It makes a huge difference not being able to go to yard for a long period of time.
I read the yoga book for a while. I received the Board of Control forms. I don’t know if I will have a chance to win later. I did some brainstorming on the youth project. I studied a couple of section of the statistics. It’s a lot of reading.
I received three more books. That’ll keep me busy for a long time. I don’t’ think I’ll be able to read all the books. I’m tired so I’m turning in early.
My right shoulder was feeling a little sored so I didn’t push it to do the burpes. I did some arm exercises and took a shower after that. My back is sored from sitting awkwardly. I napped for a while in the morning.
G came by to say hi. We always have good conversations. I don’t even remember how the day went by so quickly. I haven’t even done any Statistics.
I received a letter from ZY. It was a surprised. He told me what he and J did in Beijing. He wanted my opinion on how to treat J’s parents when they go to Beijing in October. I’ll write him over the weekend.
A’s letter finally arrived. It took seven days. She had been putting in work on getting her ideas in action. She shared a song she wrote for her cousin with me. She also talked to B and M about my campaign. I like her ideas on the topics we can discuss with the youth. I gave her my feedback and my ideas. I need to brainstorm more. A is on a mission. I love her for that.
I sent the letter I wrote yesterday. I sent the form letter to the women’s coalition I send my Denial to the Marin Court and A.G. I hope the judge will rule in my favor soon.
I looked up some Spanish vocabularies today. I need to study them more.
My mind is still tripping on the whole uncertainty with this Ad Seg situation. I want to move forward so I can concentrate on fighting for my freedom. I have to get work done to prepare myself for anything.
I have been sitting most of the day. After taking a nap I started reviewing the Title 15 to get familiarize with the necessary sections. I want to be prepared. I didn’t sleep well last night because some people were talking loud two o’clock in the morning.
J was transferred to Avenal. CC visited all of us today to give an update on our individual and group situation. The warden sent him a letter stating that the investigation’s over and Mike and I will be charged. Now we just have to wait and see what rule violation we’ll be charged with. My lawyer told me to send the Denial out. It’s ready. I spoke to CC about my parole situation. He asked me to write to KW from PLO (Prison Law Office) to see what he’s going to do before we talk again. I’m will to have him represent me. CC Talked briefly about his philosophy in his dealing with life. I appreciate his sharing. I sent him a letter on my Ad Set placement facts. He’ll write to the prison to mess with them for violating my due process. I wrote KW an official letter requesting to see him and discuss my parole situation.
I received a letter form J. she sent me a prose in Chinese from her friend. She should be back in China by now. KM wrote me a letter. She got married a few days ago. She shared what she likes to read the other personal stuff with me. I’m glad that she’s willing to share. And she’s pregnant.
I wrote to Lucky, but I’ll have to send it out tomorrow.
I received the Fire Inside newsletter and I saw Yuri’s picture in it. She was protesting in CIW (California Institution for Women) back in April. She’s everywhere. I felt encouraged by her.
Well, I might be here for a while. I hope I can beat whatever they’re charging me with. Somebody, something got to be on my side looking out for me. Mother Earth?
Someone in the mailroom returned the letters I sent to J stating that it “must be in English.” I couldn’t believe it. It was the first time my letter was delay because of that. I wrote a note to whoever wrote the note about the delay. I hope that’ll settle it without further complication.
I received the originals of my ex parte from my lawyer. He has put work in. he did the whole denial for me. I’ll have to make sure I get all the instruction from him before I send them out. I have time to meet the deadline.
I sent the 602 in for my property issue after I made copies. I sent another 602 for the access and return of my legal property.
Liu sent me a photo and a letter. He’s doing all right. I will keep in touch with him. He changed his name to Lucky. I’ll be there one day to visit him.
I’m tired. I’ve been out of the cell most of the day. I went to the yard, play one game with Mike, worked out, and practiced rebounding while Mike shot the ball. I enjoyed the time out there.
G and Fr. P dropped by to say hi. Not much to say but exchange greetings.
I then went to law library with Mike and Rico. I prayed for Rico because BPT was holding a hearing to determine whether they will take his date. He’s getting a raw deal, but he’ll win eventually.
I read over the denial. It was written well. I feel sleepy. I haven’t receive my letter from other friends and Mom. I hope all is well.
The letter I sent to J was returned to me because I’m short 40 cents. It ruined my surprise.
I received my copy of ex parte for request appointment of counselor and an extension to file the denial. Hopefully the court will grant my request. I need access to my legal materials from my property to file the denial.
K wrote and expressed her concern. She read my story and passed it along her friends. They responded well to it. I wrote and asked her to generate a petition for me in support of my parole. That will help. I appreciate her friendship and support.
H sent me the Costal Post. I don’t have her address so I can’t write her.
I worked out early and showered. Then napped and read. I didn’t do my course study.
The night is almost over. I need to manage my time better.
I started my studying on the correspondence course. I did the math reviews as suggested. I’m ready to
to Mr. K informing him of the received material from Ohio.
It started out a little chilly in the morning. Finally, I was able to give Mike a hug after about two months. I want to give Rico a big hug. Mike and I walked get into the chapters tomorrow.
I wrote a note around for a while and played a couple of basketball games. He’s not in shape yet. We won one and lose one. Rico made it to Walk Alone. We chatted for a while. We don’t know what our future holds, but we will fight to the end.
I helped my neighbor with his grievance. The day went by fast. I enjoyed the sunshine and Mike’s company. I sent positive thoughts to my family and friends.
Not much going on today. I had a chance to work out a bit before shower. I didn’t get a decent sleep because the dropped outs on the first tier were talking all night. They have no self respect. I napped and read all day.
I should start my studies on the correspondence course. I’ll do it tomorrow. Rico got a visit from his family at twelve thirty. I saw Mike through the screens and bars briefly.
My neighbor sent me some vocabularies on Swahili. I’ll see how much I can learn. I haven’t touched my Spanish for a few days. I need to be more productive.
It’s been a long day and I’m tired. It’s hot right now at around nine o’clock. The last couple of days the weather has been hot. I went to yard today and the sun was out early. I played basketball for a while. My partner is not a team player. I practiced shooting the ball. I had a good sweat. Then I did my yoga exercises. I like the yoga exercises. I can do a headstand now. I need more practice to get better.
I got a couple of books from the library request form today. I got a yoga book and the Kerouac biography. I have plenty to read. I also got my Ohio University correspondence materials. They sent it about a month ago. I just now got it because the property officer kept it. I received a dictionary, thesaurus, text book, 3 writing tablets, 2 pens, a folder and other writing materials. I looked over the materials. It’s on Statistic on Behavior Science. I took statistic before, but I have to refresh my memory. It looks like a lot of work. I should set up a schedule to study and get the work done. Too bad I can’t study with Lefty. That’ll help. I need to take advantage of my time.
Mike went to ICC and was assigned to 2 yard. I’ll see him on Sunday.
G dropped by. We shared with each other on personal feelings. I learned new things about him all the time. It helped to talk to him.
I received my second level notice on custody issues. I’m getting my property appeal ready for the second level.
No mail today. I wrote and read since I got back from the yard. I talked to Blue for a while. He’s fighting for his. I heard S got out of the hole on Wednesday. I’m still tripping on the mistake I made by talking to the haters. When will I learn? I hope things somehow will work out for me.
This is truly a day the Lord has made. Not that I’m religious, but that’s what came to my mind as i reflect on today’s events.
Mayor Lee announced today that he will be running for re-election. Let the race begin.
CYC opened its branch office in the Bayview to begin a multi-cultural youth leadership program called the Bayview Youth Advocates to develop youth to become leaders of tomorrow by taking ownership of the community and lead by example to promote racial harmony.
My brother from another mother Marc and wife Linda begin their parenthood by giving birth to Brendon Tokio Freedom Ching. Welcome to the world Brendon.
My neighbor and I had good conversations. He’s doing 127 years to life. How can someone do all that time? It’s a relief to know that he’s still staying strong and live his life.
I had a decent workout before shower. I didn’t complete the exercise. The cold shower at the end felt great.
J’s letter got here from L.A. She spoke of her parents and family member felt about her staying in China. I was able to speak on some of her concerns before she brought them up. I did what I could to share my views with her. I sent her the 30 page letter tonight. I also wrote to Mom just to say hi.
There was no law library today. Hopefully I’ll make it next week.
Mike is back in SQ. I was surprised when he yelled out my name. He was in AC (Adjustment Center) for three days. We chatted it for a while. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to stay. We’ll see. I just want to move on.
I haven’t receive any letter from some expected friends. Hopefully they’re doing well. I saw Rico when he went to shower.
C/O T said he got some from Ohio University. I’m ready to start the studying on psychology 211, I think. I’ll be able to finish my course in good time with good grade.
Time flies when one’s having fun. That’s the saying people would hear sometimes. However, on August 7, 2002, I lost a day. I don’t think I was having fun at the beginning of my solitary confinement.
Today, i had fun camping with friends over the weekend. I shut down my phones and didn’t look at them for two days. That’s a rare and appreciated.
The last couple of yard days have been better weather wise. The sun started to come out early. I walked around with the guys and talked. It felt good to laugh at jokes and connect with people. I shot the basketball a little to warm up before I work out. I did some squat exercises. I talked to Filipino E for a while. He told me S went back to the Bay this morning. I enjoyed the fresh air.
I read for the rest of the day. I didn’t take a nap even though I was tired. My neighbor let me borrow his book, “Blood In My Eyes.” I also got “The Great Rebel Che G in Bolivia.”
I received a letter from SB. She’s doing her best to convert me to Christianity. She wrote four pages on how Jesus loves me and that I should accept him in my life. She said she’s God’s vessel to get me to believe in him. I appreciate her interest in me, but I think she’s trying too hard to convert me. She doesn’t understand any other way to survive except in Jesus. That’s cool with me, but I’m not there yet.
I got two reroute mail. The letter of confirmation on my admission from Ohio University came. I should be getting my course materials. An education advisor was assigned to me.
My 602 on the property and search issues came back. It was dated 7/26/02, but I didn’t receive it until tonight. I should have 15 days from today to file my response.
I didn’t write today, but I will tomorrow.
The day went by fast.
I had a lazy day. Because I didn’t know the schedule of the shower, I didn’t get to work out before. I ended up reading and napping all day. I didn’t feel motivated to write or brainstorm.
I read The Sun and enjoyed the stories. Rico dropped off some mags for me. Mr. K dropped me a note telling me that I’ve been enrolled for the correspondence course. I got a newsletter from L.A. Detention Ministry.
The day somehow went by. I talked to my neighbor for a while before shutdown. He got 127 years to life and is going to the Bay (Pelican Bay.) What’s left for him? I hope he’ll get action in court. We hit it off well. He has some good literature to share with me. I felt good talking to him.
It was nice outside this morning. It wasn’t overcast like the past week. I played basketball with the Brothers. My shots have been falling. I haven’t done any righteous workout since there were enough people on the yard to play ball. I did do my yoga exercises. Then I took a cold shower. I talked to the youngster K for a bit.
I took a nap after lunch despite all the noise. It’s much louder down here than on fifth tier. I had chicken and rice for dinner. The dessert was delicious. I wrote to A and sent her the free write. I haven’t thought about the ideas she brought up I will write after I get a letter from her. I wrote to AR and thanked her for the magazine subscription. I enjoy reading it. It has some good stories. Finally, I decided to write to G. I need to put whatever hang ups I had and move on. She’s willing to help me. I will not reject that. I hope she’ll come see me. I need to start getting ready for my parole hearing. She’ll be surprised to hear from me, I hope. I dropped Mr. K a note about my correspondence course. I’m ready to start.
I missed the view on fifth tier.
I moved to second tier and I regretted. I no longer had the beautiful view of the Bay, mountain, lights from houses, ferries, suffers and people rowing boats. I took my own bits of freedom away. Now I can only dream. It’s too late to feel regretful now. It’s a done deal. I didn’t know how good I had it until I moved to this cell on second tier. I had a lot of stuff to move. It took three people to make the trip down. I spent some time cleaning the cell. It was dirty and the toilet doesn’t flush well. The area is noisier than the fifth tier. My ears haven’t got a breath yet. The pros for moving are being closer to Rico. I can exercise better with the bunk set up and the Officers are better? I wished I hadn’t moved. I missed chopping it up with my neighbor. I’m sure C missed me also. I read the paper and rewrite the free write about A’s visit. I need to start thinking about the parole campaign strategy and write them down for A. I’ll get busy tomorrow.
May I get a good quiet sleep tonight?
The final rally to encourage San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee to announce his run for re-election concluded at the steps of City Hall with hundred of people chanting Run Ed Run for the last time. The Progress For All collected 51,063 signatures to urge Mayor Lee to run. We hope that he will announce his running sometime this week. Because the sooner Mayor Lee declared his intention to run, the better for everyone.
I’m grateful to be apart of this historical push for Mayor Lee to run for re-election. My Run Ed Run co-chairs have been awesome in sticking together to work for a common goal of selecting the best Mayor to serve the people of San Francisco.
Finally, I was able to get on track in completing the burpe routine. My body was drenched in sweat. It felt good to be able to discipline myself to complete the routine. I’ll sleep well tonight.
I worked on my 602 for a while. I was able to finish it, made copy and sent it out. I went to law library and prepare for my denial. I have about twenty days left.
I received my copy of the Return from CC today. He asked me to stay strong. I appreciate that. I received another from J. It took sixteen days to get to me from Beijing. I’ll have a couple of weeks to write to her.
Rico and I talked for a while. He wants to start writing his autobiography. I hope his parole situation will work out for him.
It’s the last day of the month. From the way things are looking, I might still be here at the end of the August. Time is going by regardless of the location. I need to utilize my time more wisely. I haven’t been bearing down and reading and studying.
I laid back and read magazines all day. G dropped by to check on me. He’s always a pleasant surprise. It was exciting to see familiar faces.
I received a letter from J and K. J shared her dislike of her Mom’s certain actions with me. She was venting her frustration and asked for my advice. I’ll share my opinions on her situation dealing with her Mom. I value her trust in me. I wrote a little bit to her, but I’ll address her situation with Mom tomorrow. K sent her prayers my way after hearing what happened to me. It’s always good to know people support me no matter what.
At twelve today, I thought about the ten and a half hours left before the day is over. Now, it’s almost that time. That’s why I have to live the now.
It’s almost time to go to sleep. Would my journal entries consider free writes by the Design mind or Sign mind? I think most of them were done by Sign mind. It’s difficult in this sensor environment to use the Design mind. It’s possible, but not recommended.
It’s nice on the yard this morning. We finally get some sunshine. The whole month of July was mostly overcast. This is a strange summer. I played three games of basketball. It was good exercise. I did some abs and yoga to finish the workout. There’re nine people of our yard now. I enjoyed myself while I was on the yard because I was mostly occupied with activities. I didn’t have to think about the negative aspect of being in the hole.
As I got back in the cell, I was physically tired. At the same time, I felt a few moments of sadness not know what my future holds. It was not a feeling that I wanted to dwell on. I got over it after a few minutes. I think I’ll be feeling like that from time to time.
I received a letter from Mom. It only took six days. My mail are continued to be monitored and delayed. On the day of Mom’s writing, she hasn’t received my anniversary card yet. I told Mom that I had received all her letters. She told me how everyone’s doing at home. It’s good to hear from her.
I received a letter from CC. it was a copy of the group letter. I wrote him back and tanked him and give him a brief update. KW sent me a short note along with the warden’s response letter. It was vague and general. I gave K an update. I also asked him about my parole hearing and writ of habeas. He hasn’t been mentioning my writ for a long time. I don’t know what he plans to do. I hope he’ll take care of business.
I didn’t some reading, but didn’t get to write. I will start again. Little and I chopped it up for a while. He appreciate that I’m a good listener. I might move down to the second tier, but I don’t really want to. I have a good view and a good neighbor. If it happens, I’m cool. If not, I’m fine.
I appreciate the breath.
Another day has gone by. I was being productive after Mr. K’s brief visit. He came to check on the correspondence material. He asked if I was studying my Spanish. I said a little. After he left, I spent two hours studying Spanish. I need to do it daily since I have time. Mr. K will check with Ohio on the books for me.
T left early this morning. He was transferred without a warning. I hope he’ll be all right and get some actions in court.
I did a light exercise before shower in the morning. I didn’t take a nap during the day. I read the Progressive magazine. I enjoyed it.
I received my canteen. Now I have plenty to eat and dip.
G dropped by to say hi. I appreciate him for walking all the way to fifth tier to see me. I wrote a letter to N. Hopefully he’s out of INS, but I doubt it.
Since the Officer took my free write, I haven’t written. I haven’t written to J either. I’ll have to start again.
My neighbor doesn’t have anything because he’s new. I gave him some stamped envelopes and writing paper. I’ll give him some snack and cosmetic tomorrow.
I had an all right, semi-productive day.
The back of my head hurts from an elbow during a basketball game. I played three two on two games this morning on the yard. There were a couple of new people on the yard. I had fun. I met Saeteurn who’s on Walk Alone. He’s here temporarily for shoulder surgery. He’s doing a SHU (Security Housing Unit) term in Pelican Bay. He’s a lifer. We talked for a while and got to know each other. He seemed pretty cool. We exchanged some books to read.
I wrote to P about Josh’s passing. I don’t know what to say about death of a friend or family member. I thanked Pat being great friends to us. I wrote N back and thanked him for writing. I told him about my inevitable transfer. I also wrote a letter to Mom and gave her a heads up. She’ll worry, but she’ll have to accept it. I don’t like to make her worry, but I guess I wasn’t trying hard enough.
I received my 602 response from D.W. on the violation of my due process right in Ad Seg. He denied any wrongdoing of course. I’ll file it to the next level.
I talked to my neighbor for a while. We talked about his plans to be with his family and start a new life. He shared his feelings with me on dealings with his son. I wish him well and success.
I’m still being haunted by my mistakes. That will never go away. I have to learn from them. People were wind surfing on the bay. I get lost just watching them. I get my spats of freedom here and there.
It’s a down day. I exercised, showered and relaxed. I didn’t do much aside from reading magazine and newspaper all day.
My mind is occupied with different thoughts. It’s difficult to concentrate at times. However, that and along with the rest of my regrets will be wash away with time.
Time is always the crucial ingredient in growing, learning and surviving.
I was called for a visit at eight this morning. By the time I went to the visiting room, I was told my visit was cancelled. I don’t know whether my visitor cancelled it or the prison did. A is the only one I can think of to come see me early in the morning.
I went out to the yard and had my haircut. H gave me a little fade. It was cold out until the sun came out. I didn’t exercise. I kicked it with the guys and the Walk Alones. I did lots of talking. It felt good getting some fresh air.
I took a nap after lunch. G passed by to say hi. The rest of the day I read the newspaper. My neighbor’s gone so no more daily papers. I’m feeling pretty good under the circumstances.
I received a letter from N. He told me about A’s bike riding experience. It’s good to hear from him. A is riding without training wheels. Sis is busy as ever. J last letter from Beijing arrived. Her wallet was stolen. She’s been doing some reflection on her future staying in Beijing with her partner. Beijing is not a place for her to live and maximize her potential. I’ll write to her about it.
I need some rest.
I got down early to do my exercised. I had a good night sleep because I was tired. I had a dream about being at another place. It was wired because I saw M’s wife. Anyway, I had a good sweat. I still can’t do the whole workout yet. It’s not easy at all.
ISU got me for interview about quarter to eight. It was never pleasant. I was called a liar and uncooperative. There’s no more to talk about. They’ll write up a report when they’re done. I’ll have to face the music.
I didn’t get to shower today so I was smelly all day. I went to law library to do some research for the denial. The AG sent me the Return finally. He asked the judge to dismiss the whole thing. I sent the Return to my attorney to let him handle it. I should be able to argue the Return, but I need access to my legal work. We’ll see.
J sent me a letter from home. She’s back from a month. I’ll write to her before she leaves again.
I had a good talk with my neighbor. The night disappeared into darkness.
It’s a down day. I was expecting a visit from CC, but he didn’t visit me. He did visit Rico.
The morning went by quickly. I started to write my vignette in the afternoon, but I was escorted to ISU for interview. The whole thing took almost three hours. Lt. N and Sgt. M interviewed me. I didn’t consent to be recorded during the interview. I shouldn’t have talk to them at all, but I did. They will use what I said against me. They intercepted and copied the letter S wrote to me and the once I wrote to her. They tried to read something into our correspondence. They might call me back tomorrow. I don’t know what to expect.
I wrote to CC and W to give them an update. I hope CC will come visit me. I didn’t want to say too much in the letter.
I just received a card from P. She informed me that Josh died on 7/14. After thirty seven years he finally received his liberation from this earth. He paid for his debt and more. Now, he has to be in a better place. I respect his will to keep his dignity until the end. I’m glad that we’re friends. C must’ve taken the news pretty hard since she’s the only one who was closed to Josh. I wish her well. Maybe I’ll get to see her soon and talk to her.
The day went by so fast that I missed a day. I thought it was Wednesday. Yard was cancelled this morning, but the Officers never bothered to tell us. There was no reason to cancel yard except for the Lieutenant can do it.
I took a nap and started writing. I ended up doing a few yoga exercises. G dropped by briefly since he was in the area
I received a letter from B and Mom. I was smiling ear to ear after reading Mom’s letter. It’s good to know that she’s doing well. She sent me 20 stamps. I know how much she loves me. I wrote her back and tell her about A’s visit. B wrote her longest letter to me. She expressed her feelings on the negative comment I’ve got from Mr. W. I appreciate her support for me. I wrote to K and gave her a brief update. She’ll be shocked. I sent the letter to A along with the visiting form. I told him to go visit Mom when he has a chance. I was going to write the vignette on showers, but I didn’t. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish it by Thursday so I can make copies and edit it.
I ate good tonight. I’m still full right now. I drank a lot of colored water. I appreciate the food. I wish I could have some rice with fish and some ice cold soda. I like the food to be hot. That would be a treat.
I chatted with my neighbor for awhile. It helped break up the time. I had a happy day.
I finished my autobiography poem. I’ll let my editor read it and see if he likes it. It felt good to get it done. I hope I’ll continue to write more creative pieces. SB from the Office of the Inspector General’s interviewed me. The interview was recorded and lasted about 15 minutes. She asked about the seizure of my legal material and the college proposal. I asked her office to investigate on the prison’s retaliation and violation of my rights. I’m glad that she’s doing something about it. I hope it will help my situation. Rico was also interviewed. I was too disoriented. I wished I was more relaxed.
G came by and we shared some experiences with meditation. I enjoyed talking to him.
I received five letters today. I was a happy camper. Lil Sis, A, B, K and J’s letter arrived. The letter average 10 days to get to me. The letters all expressed love and support for my situation. I felt loved. I wrote Lil Sis back and thanked her. I sent a 602 to the visiting to get some English visiting applications. A wants to come visit me with Yuri. He lives 4 blocks away from Mom’s house. It’s good to finally hear from him.
I stayed busy today. I didn’t get a chance to take a nap. I worked out early before shower. Canteen arrived this morning. I’m stocked up with snacks and food. I’m all set for another month. I’m feeling good.
It was windy and cold on the yard. I played a game of basketball with the youngster. He’s 21 years old and out of shape physically and mentally. I’ll do what I can to get him back on track. It’s always good being out of the cell. I talked to Blue for awhile. He talks too much, but he’s right on point on things.
I’m almost finished with my poem. I spent some time working on it.
I wrote to Yuri, B and P. They’ll be glad to hear from me. I want to keep up with my writing.
The days are going by. I’m conscious of it. I just don’t know what the future holds for me.
I worked on my autobiography poem for a couple of hours. It’ll take a couple of more drafts before it’s finished. It’s more difficult for me to write without a computer. I have been spoiled too long.
I did a light workout this morning before shower. The rest of the day I read magazine and newspaper. I ate a lot today just because I have the food. I took a couple of naps. The day just disappeared.
I have so much more writings to do. Hopefully I’ll get what I needed to do tomorrow finish. I didn’t get a good night sleep because Jay the mentally challenged guy talked to himself in maximum volume for three, four hours. That dude is loud. I feel sorry for him even though he’s very disturbing. All I can do is laugh.
We have had some consistency with the yard schedule for the past week. Let’s see how long that’ll last. I exercised on the yard after the sun came out. I shot some baskets and did leg exercises. I enjoyed the time outdoor.
The rest of the day I spent on reading. I didn’t do much of anything else.
I received a letter from P. She read my story and liked it. She’s outraged at the fact that I’m in the hole. She’s very supportive of me. Yuri sent me her visiting form and a few words. She said the visiting form was returned to her, so was M’s. I don’t know why, unless they sent them to the wrong area. I’ll try to handle the application for her. Yuri is only visiting one other person, Marilyn Buck in Dublin. I feel very honored that she would want to come see me. I hope I do get to meet her at least once.
It’s time for me to move on to a different level of consciousness. I’m ready to do my thing to go home and be able to maximize my potential to make a difference in society.
A surprised me by coming up to visit at 8 o’clock this morning. I got up early to exercise. I couldn’t do all the counts on the burpees yet, but I was sweating profusely. After I ate breakfast, I was called for the visit at 7:45.
As I walked to the East Block visiting, I walked pass the yard for Death Row inmates. I saw Charles Ng (a mass murder) standing by himself with a blank look on his face.
After I sat down in the room waiting for visitors, I observed the East Block visiting set up. The visitors are locked in a cage when they visit. I’ll write about that experience in a vignette form. It was good to see A. She cared enough to come see me. I kept her updated on my situation. We visited for about an hour and fifteen minutes. She said she’ll be back to see me. She subscribed The Sun magazine for me. I haven’t got it yet. I appreciate her support for me.
G came by briefly while Rico and I waited for the law library. We went to the library and did some research for appealing his 115. We were able to talk for awhile. I read through some sections in the Prisoner’s Handbook. I’ve learned a lot of legal stuff so far. Mr. J helped with the books. It’s good just chatting with him.
I finally got a letter from Mom. She laid a guilt trip on me. I know she’s going through some issues with Sis and Bro’s activities with work. She needs to talk to me about it. Everyone’s doing all right. She didn’t write sooner because she wanted to wait for after she called J and Sis call my attorney. Sis is in China on business. I know she’s busy. I sent Andrew a bday card and told him I love him. I sent Mom and Dad a happy anniversary card. I also sent Mom a short letter to let her know that all is fine with me.
Time went by too quick so I didn’t get a chance to respond to J’s letter. I’m getting tired.
The 5 Core Demands
- End “group punishment” where an individual prisoner breaks a rule and prison officials punish a whole group of prisoners of the same race.
- Abolish “debriefing” and modify active/inactive gang status criteria. False and/or highly questionable “evidence” is used to accuse prisoners of being active/inactive members of prison gangs who are then sent to the SHU where they are subjected to long-term isolation and torturous conditions. One of the only ways these prisoners can get out the SHU is if they “debrief”—that is, give prison officials information on gang activity.
- Comply with recommendations from a 2006 U.S. commission to “make segregation a last resort” and “end conditions of isolation.”
- Provide Adequate Food. Prisoners report unsanitary conditions and small quantities of food. They want adequate food, wholesome nutritional meals including special diet meals and an end to the use of food as a way to punish prisoners in the SHU.
- Expand and provide constructive programs and privileges for indefinite SHU inmates—including the opportunity to “engage in self-help treatment, education, religious and other productive activities…” which are routinely denied. Demands include one phone call per week, one photo per year, 2 packages a year, more visiting time, permission to have wall calendars, and sweat suits and watch caps (warm clothing is often denied even though cells and the exercise cage can be bitterly cold).
Today I was out of my cell the longest since I’ve been in here. I didn’t even get a chance to take a nap as I normally would. It was chili and overcast this morning. I was out on the yard for about 4 hours. I walked, played ball, and did some crunches. It was too cold. This is the first time we got yard consistently. Time goes by faster that way.
Then I went to the law library for 2 ½ hours. I was able to make some copies and did some research. I need to get ready to file a return to the AG’s return. I’ll have to go back on Thursday. I found out the library schedule is very chaotic. Rico didn’t make it cause he didn’t turn in any request form. We’ll be going on Thursday if all is smooth.
I received my Harper magazine. I have way too much to read. I will share with others of course. I wrote CC an update letter. I hope I’m not being a pest. I wrote N a letter and told him my concerns. I asked him to write me back. G came by to say hi. He’s been doing a lot of climbing of stairs. I asked him to get me a bday card from the chapel.
After dinner, I worked on my autobiography poem. I’m not writing the natural way. I brainstorm and write down things that came to my mind. I’ll organize them later. I started to brainstorm on another poem. Hopefully I can have two first draft poems written. I have to make it happen. I need to write an article on my current situation.
My pain has lessened. I should be ready to workout again on Thursday. It’s been a good day. It’s time to relax and read today’s USA paper. I got some 3 cent stamps It’ll hold me for awhile.
No incoming or outgoing mail. I took two Ibuprofens (800 mg) before I went to sleep last night. They helped lessened my muscle pain. I had a better sleep and I dreamt. I didn’t exercise today before shower. I allowed my body to rest and heal so I can workout intensely.
I read, slept, and read. I waited until night time to brainstorm on writing my autobiography poem. I read the Hikmet poems to draw inspiration. I had many ideas brewing. I need to spend more time thinking and writing. It’s time to get creative. I have wasted enough days.
There is no new about anything. It’s all about the waiting. I put in my canteen list for 2nd draw. I got some food items to keep me fed well. I need to stay healthy.
This is the third day that my deltoids are in excruciating pain. I really overworked my shoulder muscles. I couldn’t move without feeling the pain. I went to the yard and jog and did some leg excises. I want to let my shoulder muscles to be healed before I team them up again. I did my Yoga exercise in the sun. It felt good, but I drew a lot of attention. My body is in good form. That naturally draws attention. I enjoyed my yard time.
I rested and read in the afternoon. I wrote to CC about the second anti-retaliation letter. I’m overwhelming him with all the paperwork and letters. I submitted another citizen’s complaint and asked for an Internal Affairs investigation in this whole matter. I don’t know what happened to the first one that I’d filed. I never got an answer. I hope this one will get processed.
I haven’t written to J or anyone. I’ll just wait til I have some news. I want this thing to be over with so I can start a fierce campaign for my freedom. My creative drive has been dry. What will it take for me to get it wet again?
Time is flying by.
I couldn’t move without feeling the intense pain in my deltoids. I went to bed early last night and was tossing and turning all night because of the pain. I had a dream that I can’t quite remember except of this lady name Tutu. I got up to do my exercise despite the pain since it’s shower day. It felt good after I warmed up and got a little pump.
I read the newspaper and Legacy to Liberation and the Turning Wheel. I didn’t do much of anything. Somehow the day just passed on by. I thought about writing , but didn’t do it. I wanted to think about the investigation, but I didn’t want to worry about something I have no control of. I’ll wait til I’m ready. I will call it a day.
I wasn’t feeling well today, so my boss dropped me off at the Bart station so I can go home and rest. I took a nap and felt better.
Since I was home early, I was able to have dinner with my twelve year old nephew, who is home alone. He wanted to go eat alone because he wanted to play the computer. I asked him to stay to finish eating first. He listened. After we ate, we started talking about random things. He showed me one of his Facebook pages. I was amazed to find out that he has 5,000FB friends and 91 more friend requests. That is totally crazy. What are those teenagers doing? I need to look into that. So my nephew teaches me about FB fan page and Twitter and encourages me to create one for myself. I told him I would consider it. I was able to spend 3 hours alone with him, the longest ever. I appreciate that.
My body is sore from the cell workout yesterday as anticipated. I could feel the soreness every time I move my upper body. I did way too much and now I’m paying for it.
I feel sleepy right now. So I’m turning in early tonight. There was yard this morning until an institution recalled. The yard was cut short. I had an opportunity to get my hair cut by H. It took a while, but he did an all right job. It could’ve been better, but I appreciated. It will hold me for a month or two.
It was overcastted and chill outside. I was able to talk to my amigo for a couple of hours. I know it’s tough for him during this struggle. I wish him well.
G dropped him by and showed me the letter he wrote to Mr. W. It was an all right letter. He mistaken my age of arrest. I showed him the letter I wrote and gave him the article to read. It’s nice of him to drop by
Dinner was late due to the lockdown. It was burritos tonight so it was fulfilling. I read the USA today and Coastal Post paper. It had some good article to it. I received the second BOC letters. I will send them to CC Tuesday when I’m able to make copies.
Mr. J responded to my 602. He said I could’ve just dropped a note. If that was the case, he should have scheduled me earlier after I turned in the request weekly. I hope to straight things out when I see him.
No letters from Mom still or anyone else. I can’t trip about any of that anymore. Right now, I don’t know how long I’m going to be here, but it looks like it’ll be awhile. The administration is blowing this way out of proportion. It’s very plain and simple, but the police mentality will not accept it. There’s nothing I can do. The truth will come out.
My shoulders are sore from the intense workout I did with the Latinos. I was sweating profusely from doing the different exercises. I couldn’t keep up with “Little.” I ended up doing about 500 push-ups and kicks. I haven’t done that much in years. My body is feeling it. It’ll get worse tomorrow. I need to get use to the exercises first before I can keep up. I hated it when I was doing it, but I felt good once it’s finished.
I still didn’t make it to the law library. The 602 was returned to me to send it to the first level. I gave it to the law library Officer.
I still haven’t heard from Mom.
Father O sent me a postcard from Maui. I received the Turning Wheel and a postcard from D. I received the Boninas paper H sent. I got a copy of my motion back. I got a notice form the Board of Control. It’s rejected. I have to pursue it later. I wrote to D and told her about my feelings on the weekly article. I told her to ask B.Y. for details of my retreat if she wants
I wrote a letter to a prisoner in China who is being mistreated by the guards and Chinese government. I sent her a card to let her know that I support her.
I did some reading, but not enough. I have too much to read now. I need to read and write.
There is no news on my status. It’s all about waiting. I gave Little the Fortune News magazine. He can share it with others.
I slept most of the morning away with the two mentally challenged guys yelling for hours.
I didn’t receive any regular mail. Still no word from Mom.
Officer T dropped off some property. They were seized from me on 6/13. There was no itemization of the returned property. T kept 13 books in the Hot property. He gave me 3 books, Legacy to Liberation, God of Small Things and Chinamen. ISU (Investigative Security Unit) still kept some of my photos, letters and paperwork. I documented the incident. One of the letters was from B. They didn’t forward it to me after they intercepted my mail. I wondered how much more mail ISU kept from me.
G came by and dropped off three books. We talked for awhile. I showed the letter from Mr. W (a person who read the SF Weekly feature article on and wrote a harsh letter) with him. He suggested that I don’t write back to him. He’ll write to him. I thought about it and decided to write a short letter. I wrote to Mr. W and sent him the poem I wrote for Mom. I hope he’ll accept my feedback. I was being very careful to avoid agitate him. I didn’t want to neglect his letter.
I wrote to CC and sent him a copy of my documentation on the property issue. I informed him of my speculation on the possible political tie. KW sent me back the copy of my AG (Attorney General) report for extension. He didn’t bother to write anything.
The cop F scanned my legal mail before she signed. I told her that she shouldn’t do that. She didn’t believe me. I’ll show her the Title 15 tomorrow. She’s violating procedures.
I wrote to J about my reaction after getting my property back. I read a letter she wrote to me in October 2001. It helped lift my spirit.
I have plenty to read and a lot of writing materials. I need to get busy writing. Somehow my mind is not focus. I don’t know why. I do need to break this drought. Somebody help me!
There is no consistence in the Ad Seg program. As I waited for yard release, the Officers were having a different agenda. They decided to do a building search on a yard day. So they went cell to cell to search.
I left for an attorney visit at around 10:10. I saw L for the first time as I walked by the upper yard. CC was visiting four clients today so I had to wait. The Officer turned the radio up so I can hear the music. It was the first time in a month since I heard music. I enjoyed the oldies sons that were playing. I wrote to J as I listened to the music. I waited an hour before I talked to CC. He gave me an update with everything. He told me B came up to see me, but was turned away. He has a good spirit about him. I asked him to call Sis to let them know that I’m all right. I appreciate his help.
I received two letters from CC. One was delayed because it was “mistakenly” processed as regular mail. I didn’t get the anti-retaliation draft letter on time. The other was copies of writing. I need to start writing myself.
Ohio State sent me a letter about the class. It said I’m talking Psy 221. I think Mr. K is trying to get me to do it so he can accumulate stats. I wrote Ohio back and ask it to double check.
I wrote to B and told her about the visiting schedule and the fan mail. George Warren wrote a negative letter on the Weekly article. I have to write him back tomorrow. I didn’t feel good reading the letter. I wrote to CC and thanked him for seeing me.
The night moved on. I also received the Fortune News magazine.
As I share my reflections on my experience in solitary confinement, people in the SHU (Security Housing Units) of America’s Prison Industrial Complex (PIC) are living the reality of torture and dehumanization daily. The hunger strike in California’s prisons by those brave souls in the SHU are taking a stand for themselves and others by bringing the much needed attention on the prison system’s human right violation.
Please help support the prisoners’ effort in creating changes in the PIC regarding SHU. http://prisonerhungerstrikesolidarity.wordpress.com/
It’s almost bed time. I’m sore from yesterday’s exercise on the yard. I got up early to do a light exercise. Surprisingly I got a good sweat.
I finished reading the Japanese book. There was book exchange, but I didn’t get any good books. The selection was poor. If you don’t know someone who will trade with you, you’re out of luck. G dropped by to say hi. We chatted for awhile. He saw the Correction’s book.
I received two books today. It was sent in May. It took awhile to get to me. I received a letter from Taiwan. CL got out and was deported to his country. He finally got his freedom. I wrote him back. M sent me a card. She’s consistent in writing me even though she just writes a few lines. I wrote her back and told her what happened.
I still haven’t heard from Mom. What’s up with that?
I have been eating a lot consistently. Hopefully I’m maintaining my weight and shape.
I wonder if J is back in the States right now. She’ll have plenty to read about once she get my letter.
What’s going on with Mom and the family? They’re probably doing well. I just can’t get used to them being so detached from me. It’s a good quality in a way, but I still would like to hear from them.
Finally, there was yard for today. It was beautiful outside. I shot some baskets and workout. I had a good sweat and pump. I’m getting in good shape. I had two hours of sunshine. It felt good.
I overslept this morning because I stayed up last night. I slept for two hours after I got back and ate lunch
I wrote a letter to CC and gave him an update and asked him to forward my info to my counsel. I submitted a 602 for denying my access to law library. I sent the letter out to lil sis.
The day went by fast. If there is any program consistency, the days would go by faster. I’m reading the book by the Japanese author. It’s a good read. I’m writing to get The Wretch of the Earth.
Another week has begun.
Another day went by quickly. I have been staying consistent in exercising on shower days. It helps to discipline myself to stay in shape.
I spoke to Rico briefly. He went to committee on Friday. He was put up for transfer because they said he might escape. What a lame exercise to get rid of him! I can’t imagine what’s been going through his mind. I hope God will protect him and let him go home.
I did some folding of paper hearts. It’s a good way to practice concentration and pass time. I made enough to make heart shape around the greeting card.
Officer F delivered a rerouted letter to me. It was post marked June 12. It took twenty five days for me to get it. The administration is messing with my mail. It’s ridiculous. I hate what they’re doing, but I can’t get upset about it. My little sister wrote me in Chinese. I appreciate her concern. I wrote her a five page letter to update her on my situation. May she be well.
I’m staying up way too late. Hopefully I’ll get yard tomorrow.
I realized that the administration is denying my access to the law library. I believe J.B. is behind all this because she saw Mike, Rico and I come back from the law library on June 20th. Despite my weekly request, I have not made it to the law library. That is another form of retaliation.
Yard was cancelled again. It’s normal routine every week. I only had 6 hours of exercise time out of 23 days. The staff just keeps on violating my rights. They do it because they’ve been getting away with it.
I still haven’t received a response concerning the violation of my due process right. I think the administration is concocting a conspiracy against me because I exercise my right to challenge its illegal policies. The truth will come out at the end. It needs to be held responsible.
I still have not heard from my family or folks I expect to hear from. I hope they’re well.
I had a good sweat after a light exercise. I took a Birth Bath and ate dinner. I dozed off for a few minutes and I felt a strong sense of loneliness. It’s a feeling of being depressed. It only lasted about a minute. I shook it off. That was not the first time I felt that way since I’ve been here. I hope I don’t feel it again.
I wrote a short reflection to J. I’m writing a little to her each day. I’ll send it to her when I know where she is.
I hope Mike is doing well in New Folsom. He’s Mom must’ve been worried. The heartaches we put our Moms through is immeasurable.
Tonight’s diner was the best since I’ve been in Ad Seg. It’s the holiday meal to celebrate the stealing of people’s land, genocide of Native American and oppression of people of color.
I exercised, ate breakfast and showered. That’s my morning routine on shower days.
The days are going by fast. I wrote a few letters to people. I wrote to Mom and Sis to keep them updated on my situation. I wrote to Moe to let him know I understand his concern. I wrote to KW and keep him updated. I wrote to CC and thanked him for assisting us. I told him about KW letter. Hopefully there is no conflict. I sent the opposition to ex parte for extension to the court. I appreciate my counsel for his continued support. He took care of business. I hope the judge will take action this time.
It’s been a good day. I studied the United Front Points of Unity.
Still no word from Mom so things must be all right.
It’s late at night and this African American brother is talking to himself. He’s smart and very articulate, but he is mentally disturbed. He had experienced some traumatic experience as a child. His Dad was illiterate and scolded him when he asked him to correct his reading. That affected him for life. I feel sorry for him and wish I could help under difference circumstances.
The day went by quickly. I read the USA Today and Kafka.
I wrote to J. I’ll send the letter to her when I know she’s back in China.
KW finally wrote a short note to me. He sent a letter to the warden asking about the investigation and possible transfer. CC also sent a letter to the warden. It’s a six page document concerning the retaliation and violation of our rights. The document was very detailed and well written. It’s the group complaint on the administration. The warden, Chief Deputy and CRM (Community Resource Manager) will get a copy. I’m glad that the attorneys are acting on our behalf. Their effort will help in our situation.
I haven’t received any letters from folks that I’m expecting to hear from. I know that they’re trying to protect me. I appreciate them. I still haven’t start writing creatively. It’ll come when I want to.
“Little” gave me five 37 cent envelops. He looked out for me since I’ve been here. That’s a blessing.
My body’s sore from exercising yesterday. I’ll workout in the morning before shower.
I’m doing well and eating well.
It’s late. I had to stop writing to J because my eyes are setting tired and my hand starts to cramp. I did some writings that required me to put time into thinking. J will have plenty to read about when she gets my letter. I received a letter from her tonight after eight thirty. It was rerouted to me from North Block. The letter was opened and read by some nosey C/O. I hate that. No respect for self. J sent a photo of her and her partner.
I received K’s response to my letter to her. She’s cool with me writing to her. She shared some thoughts of her view on how she deals with “the system” with me. I wrote her back and gave her my thoughts. We’ll be having some interesting correspondence.
I wrote to Yuri and share the news with her. She’ll be concerned but supportive. I know we’ll meet one day.
CC sent the AG’s copy back to me. He also sent me a postcard to give me a brief update on my motion. I appreciate his help.
I went to yard for the first time. It was windy and overcastted outside. I talked to Smoke for awhile and had a good dialogue. P talked too much. There were only five people on 2 yard. I shot some baskets and exercised. Rico was in Walk Alone for an hour. We talked for awhile. He’s been found guilty of his 115. That’s ridiculous. He’ll eventually beat it. G dropped by to say hi.
The day went by quickly. My mail is late and being read and I don’t like it. I still haven’t from Mom. What a trip!
My 12 year old nephew asked me this morning, “Uncle Eddy, were you robbed last night by a Black guy?”
I said yes and briefly shared with him what had transpired.
He inquired, “How come it’s happening to our family? MaMa (grandma) got robbed by a Black guy, you got robbed by a Black guy and Daddy got robbed by a Black guy.”
I said, “Sometimes desperate people do desperate things. This did not just happen to our family. It happened to our neighbors also. There’re many reasons why things happened.”
Before I can say more, he went back to playing with his dog and puppy.
It’s my shower day so I got an early start on my exercise. It felt good as always. I showered and ate breakfast. The cop surprised me by asking, “Shower or cigarette?” I couldn’t understand him at first until he explained. He has a bag of rolled cigarettes on him. If someone chooses the cigarette he will give up his shower. I asked why he did that. He said, “That way I don’t have to shower that many people. The sooner I finished the sooner I can go to my little room and sit down.” What a job!
I folded some heart shape origami to decorate the cell. It’s one way to pass time. Mr. K came by to visit. He wanted to check on my correspondence course status. He just got back from vacation and heard that I was in Ad Seg. The rumor he got was that I was caught with weapon. I laughed out loud when he said that. That’s the first rumor I heard so far.
I was hoping to receive some letters in the afternoon, but I didn’t. I felt disappointed and started to wonder why. Then I had to let it go because is out of my control. There’s no need for me to stress about it. I wrote to J a bit. I won’t send the letter out until I hear from her.
I had a long talk with “Little”. He’s a good neighbor. I saw people rolling boats and wind surfing on the bay. They were having fun.
After the Officer picked up mail, the other lady Officer gave me two letters. One is from Yuri and the other from J. It was too late for me to respond to the letters. The reason they were late was they were rerouted to me from North Block. The letters were opened. Instead of giving them to me right away the Officer decided to read them first. That delayed my chance to write a letter. Yuri and M (a sister) wants to visit me tomorrow or the next day. They sent in the visiting forms. They don’t know that it takes 4-6 weeks for the form to be approved. I won’t be able to see them anytime soon. M is going to China in a few days. I will miss meeting her this time around. Hopefully faith will brings us together again. Yuri sent me a group letter since she’s behind on her correspondence. She writes a few lines on the margins. She also sent me a couple of pamphlets. I appreciate her for caring about me.
I want to maintain the sense of peace I have during the last couple of weeks and extend it to my future. I want to overcome this obstacle and start over.
An African American young man robbed me at gunpoint at approximately 11:40 pm.
I parked my car across the street from my house, got my bag from the back trunk and started walking. Out of nowhere, the man in black cap, black hoodie, black jean and black shoes pointed a black gun in my face and pinned me against my car. He started to pocket check me and took my Iphone. Somehow I felt extemely calm under the circumstance. I told him to take the cash I had in my pants’ right back pocket and leave. He said he wanted everything. I shared with him that I was in prison for 21 years and that it’s not worth it, that he shouldn’t be doing this. He didn’t listen and continued to reach for my other pocket for my wallet. I was able to held on to it and kept talking to him. Then he just walked away. I walked after him to asked to give me back my phone. He refused. As I got closer to him, he turned around and pointed the gun at me as if he’s going to shoot me. I backed off. He walked calmly down the street and disappeared into darkness.
I called the police and made a report. At the end of my statement I wrote, “I would like to see some form of restorative justice in dealing with the prepetrator.”
I just got robbed by an young African American brother at gun point a couple of hours ago across the street from my house. He got my IPhone and some cash. When I reasoned with him, he didn’t want to hear it and made the gesture to shoot me. I backed off. Fortunately, unlike my mother and brother, I didn’t get hurt. I hope no African American brothers will rob and hurt any of my family member in the future again.
I do hope that there will be some form of restorative justice in dealing with this. Please do not call me on my personal phone until futher notice.
Peace, love and community.
I got up and anticipated to go to the yard for some fresh air, but it was cancelled. There was no explanation. They can do that.
The rest of the day I fell into a sleep mode. I went in and out of a sleeping state until the evening.
I didn’t do much except for reading Hikmet’s poems. It inspired me to want to write a couple of my own. I have a couple of good ideas. All I need to do is write it.
“Imitation is the sincerest of flattery.” Colton
I had a good workout before shower. I ate well after I’m cleaned up and relaxed. I was able to talk to Rico for a bit. He was awaked for a change. I was about to go take a nap when an Officer ask if I wanted to go to Walk Alone yard. I was surprised since I’m assigned to 2 yard. I decided to go since I’ve been cooped up for two weeks without fresh air.
It was beautiful outside. I was in the cage by myself. I talked to PT for the whole time I was out there. We had a good conversation. I was wonderful to breathe in some fresh air. I was lucky to be in the right cage to get some sunshine on my body. It felt good. The cage was just part of my reality at the time. I don’t think about it and let it restrict my moment of living. It’s all part of the survival skill.
I kicked back and read the newspapers. I read a little bit of Romeo and Juliet. I like to recite the part where Romeo talks to Juliet under her window.
The night is almost over. I’m ready for tomorrow. I shaved today, but it’s not clean. The razor didn’t do the work. Oh well.
The long anticipated ICC hearing is here. I waited in the cage with my prepared written statement. Associate Warden W was the head of ICC. I stated that I have not received the 72 hours notice. Counselor E sworn that he handed me the notice personally. I insisted that I did not receive any paperwork. He then said he gave it to an Officer to give the notice to me. I did not get it. A.W. W looked in my C-file and found the notice. It made Mr. E looked like a fool. Instead of postponing the hearing, I decided to sign the waiver since I was prepared. I had a chance to read my statement and turned it over to CCII H. A.W. W said ICC did not violate my right of due process because the warden saw me, but it was postponed. They did violate my right since they didn’t review me. When I said ICC violated my right to be outside of my cell to exercise, A.W. W said, “I know.” I hope my 602 will wind at the end. These people are violating my right. I was told I will be retained in Ad Seg pending the completion of the investigation. I’ll be in Ad Seg for awhile. I want to feel regret, but I just have to go with the flow. There is a purpose for everything.
I help “Little” with his statement for board.
I read the newspaper for the night, A sent me a postcard before she left for business and vacation. She knows what happened and wants to know more. She hinted that G might come visit me. I don’t have much to say when I see her. I appreciate her concern.
I’m set to stay here for awhile.
I got up early to exercise. Maybe I was working out on an empty stomach, I felt a little dizzy after awhile. I listened to my body and stopped. I had an all right workout.
My neighbor has a lot of endurance. He was doing all kinds of exercises for a long period of time.
I studied my Spanish for awhile. I need to put more time into it. I haven’t start writing creatively.
G dropped by to say hi. He told me Mike is in new Folsom SHU (Security Housing Unit.) I’m not sure how true that is. He said there was an article in the Marin Independent Journal on SQ’s racist segregation policy. That probably helped speed up his transfer. !Que lastima! I hope all is well with him. He should because he has a strong will. G said Rico’s going to committee tomorrow and that he should get release back to mainline. I hope so.
I received a note from C saying that B will probably come visit me this Saturday or sometime this week. I hope she knows that she has to make an appointment to come up. I wrote him back and sent him the AG’s request for another extension. I can’t believe those people. They can’t get any witnesses to defend themselves, but they’ll keep trying and dragging the whole process. I hope C will file an opposition to the Ex Parte for extension.
I received my copy of the motion for relief. I hope the judge will rule on my motions soon and help me out. There was no law library for Carson section today. So I couldn’t make any copies. I wrote a letter to AR and kept her updated. What else can I say? I didn’t write to Yuri cause I didn’t know what to say. Maybe I’ll do it next week.
I’ve been eating a lot. Maybe I’ll gain some muscle. I haven’t been to the yard at all since I got here. I don’t miss it. I can hang staying in the cell, but that’s not healthy. I need some fresh air. I have to be ready mentally for ICC tomorrow. Hopefully things will turn around for me.
As I was taking a nap after breakfast, I heard the PA called Mike’s name to “packing it up, you’re out of here.” I was wondering if he’s leaving the unit or being transferred. After some deductive reasoning, I came up with two possibilities. One, he’s moving to East Block; two, he’s being transfer. After waiting for about fifteen minutes, Mike told me he’s transferring. He told me to stay focus and send his best to Rico. All I said was okay. I didn’t have any special feelings after knowing that he’s leaving. I wished I could have said more, but it wasn’t there. Normally I would probably feel a sense of loss because I’m here by myself. I might never see him again or speak to him again. I don’t know why I didn’t feel anything. My mind stayed peaceful. Could this be the start of a new beginning in my life? Only time will tell. I sat down and mediated. I asked the benevolent Guan Yin to protect Mike and his family. I prayed for all my friends and their families. I prayed for myself and my family. Then I breathe. I was sitting comfortably for awhile. It helped.
I received my canteen order. Now I have plenty of everything. Life goes on.
I received a letter from another supportive stranger for my parole situation. SB wrote a very honest and heartfelt letter. She introduced herself to me and encouraged me to have faith. She’s a born again Christian. She has had a difficult life as a drug addict and prostitute. She said Jesus saved her. She read my story and felt the need to write to me in support. I wrote her back and thanked her kind gesture. I offered her to write to me if she wants. I don’t mind getting to know her better. So far I have received two letters from strangers and one from an old acquaintance.
I wrote a letter to J about fishing. I haven’t heard from her in two weeks. I’m sure she’s fine, but I would like to hear from her. Our relationship is slowing down because of the long distance. I have no control of that. I’m grateful for what we have. No pressure. No expectation.
I got a letter from the AG (Attorney General) asking for another extension on the Return. What is taking so long to get the necessary papers if they have them? They have nothing to justify their illegal actions. I hope the judge doesn’t grant the extension. I’ll send a copy to C tomorrow.
I haven’t heard from Mom yet. Hopefully the letter’s on the way. I’m not worry worried. It would be better to know that the family’s all right.
Mike’s departure is not as dramatic as I thought it would be. I’ll miss him. Can’t believe he’s laying on a bed in new Folsom already.
I haven’t heard from Rico. I hope he’s all right. It must be tough for him in some ways. I feel for his family. This is the price we pay to fight for justice and what is right.
The day went by quickly in a sense that it seems like I’m in a different time zone. In many ways life in Ad Seg (Administrative Segregation) is operating in an abnormal way. A person’s mind will get break in and adopt to the working of the new environment after the first initial shock. I was mentally prepared and desensitized so I was able to embrace the situation. I haven’t been dwelling into the present and what might be in stored in the future. It could sound like I’m in denial. Maybe in a small way, but I’m not. I didn’t want to think about the unknown and speculate too much. I choose to go with the flow.
I had a productive workout in the afternoon. I need to keep it up. It helps my mind to stay focus.
I received a postcard from C. He requested my authorization to file a group 602. I appreciate his help. I wrote him back and gave him a quick update. Hopefully the court will appoint him to represent me soon.
B sent me a Weekly along with some wisdom. She spoke about making compromises as a socially aware person. She’s concerned about my well being. She wants to see me get out of prison and make a more effective impact in society. I was thinking the same topic before I received her letter. I wrote her and expressed my appreciation. I need to have a dialogue with her and others about the “compromise” topic. Deep inside I know what I feel and need to do. I just need to crystallize it and start moving forward. I hope I will be able to overcome this present struggle and come out victorious. Then I can utilize my discipline and work toward my parole and get out of prison.
I received a copy of the latest motion from the court. It was a duplicate one I sent, but without my signature. I hope the court will rule on my motions soon and help me end this forced retreat.
I did some reading and went to sleep.
It’s difficult to determine what time of the day it is. There is no watch or clock around unless one is going out of the unit. The way of not knowing exactly what time it is could help the passing of time.
Breakfast is served early, around six thirty in the morning. I got up early and did my exercises. Then I was ready for shower thinking it’s mid morning.
I was call to medical. When I got to the cage, it was only eight o’clock. Time went by slow if I know exactly what time it is. I gave some blood and urine sample for testing. W wasn’t at work. His co-worker told me that he was called in by the captain in the morning. He thinks he’s getting roll up and under investigation. I was sorry to hear that. However, I don’t know for sure if W is here or not. I told Mike about it on the way back.
N got me a blanket. He wanted to be helpful. J gave me a book to read. I gave my statement to my counselor on the classification issue. I hope he got it. I received a letter from P. It was for A. The letter was re-routed to me. It took two weeks to get to me. My mail is being held and read closely. I don’t like that because it’s illegal for them to withhold my mail without giving me a notice. I haven’t receive any mail after my placement in Ad Seg. I’ll wait to raise the issue in ICC.
I wrote to P and informed her on my situation. I’m getting tired of writing the reason for my lock-up. I wrote K a letter asking him about my writ. He needs to let me know what’s going on. I don’t’ like his lack of communication.
I finished reading about Zheng He and China’s treasured fleets. It’s a shame that the emperor was weak and didn’t keep the naval force. China could have been the most powerful country. I got more good books tonight, the Prince, Romeo & Juliet, and a Japanese novel. I got the U.S.A. paper also. I have plenty to read. I also received 2 Missalettes from the chapel.
My hand is cramping from writing all night. I wrote 7 letters and a 602. I wrote to Sis, AC, A, L, S, O an J. I had to repeat the same story on why I’m in segregation. I took time to write the 602 as a citizen’s complaint. I had to write it three times to make sure I got things down. It was tedious, but it has to be done. I wrote a short free write on eating a nectarine mindfully to J. It came out nice.
I told AC to check if my site is up or not. If not, I might have to take up her husband’s offer. I asked all of them to write a support letter for me. I have to start solicit them now and get them ready by the end of September.
I slept most of the morning away. Mike had a visit. It must’ve been his Mom. The days are going by fast. I haven’t touch any Spanish yet. I have been eating a lot lately, but can’t gain an ounce. I have plenty more letters to write.
I stayed up and read the Levathes book. It was getting good. I enjoyed reading it.
I got up early and exercised. I had a decent workout. The gunman commented, “Are you on Steroid or something?” as I was going to the shower. I was looking buff, I guess.
The day just flew by. I just read, eat and sleep. Sometimes I don’t remember what happened.
What supposed to be an ICC ( Institutional Classification Committee) turned into a reschedule hearing. I was prepared with m y statement in my pocket to read in the committee. I waited more than an hour in the holding cage for the warden to show up. I’m used to waiting for a long period of time. That became part of my reality.
Mike went in first for his transfer hearing. ICC elected to transfer him to New Folsom State Prison. After I sat down in front of a bunch of familiar faces, the ICC started. Counselor E asked if I had received a notice for the ICC. I said no, nor did I get a copy of the CDC 114D. He asked if I wanted to waive my 72 hours right of notice. I did not waive my right. Then he stated that he will send me a notice and call me back for ICC next week. Warden asked would I be overdue on the ICC. Mr. E said no. By the time I go back to ICC it would be more than the 10 days I was supposed to be review by ICC. They violated my right under Title 15 section 3335(c). I documented the situation. I don’t know what would happen when I go to ICC next time. The odds are that I will be transfer to another prison. There’s a slim chance that I might be able to stay if the court ruled the Ex Parte in my favor. We’ll see.
For now, I’m stuck in the cell for another week. My mind is still in a peaceful state. Something is giving me the strength and guidance. I just have to follow the light.
In the afternoon, Officer T delivered a bag of my property. It was the property seized by ISU (Investigation Service Unit) on May 15, 2002. I signed for it. However, there was no itemization of my property. It only had done on the inventory list, 1 book, 25 loose photos, legal material, and writings. After I checked through the property, I noticed some postcards, letters from B and other writings were missing. The ISU or Lt. N must have kept them. I will want those back. They gave me back the property because of the 602. I haven’t received any response yet. I assume I’ll get it next week.
Right now, I have plenty to read since I have a lot of articles. I also have my Spanish lesions, homework and quizzes. I’ll be able to study Spanish. I sorted through all the materials and letters. It’s good to get all of J’s letters back. Now I can write to her and catch up on her questions. I have more than I thought I would have in the hole. I can’t complain that I don’t have anything to keep me busy or that I lack food. I know I’ll be here for a couple of months. I can handle it. If I can get back on the mainline, cool. If not, that means it’s time for a new start. I go where destine takes me. I felt excited for a few minutes knowing I have all the good readings.
I didn’t receive any mail. That’s a bummer. I should get some next week. I hope Mom wrote and is all right. I’ll write Sis a letter.
I had a productive day. I got up early and exercised, ate breakfast and showered. It’s good to be able to stay discipline to exercise. That’s one way to stay positive and healthy.
I finished reading a romantic book. It helped pass time. I have plenty to read so I try to balance the subject matter so I don’t get burn out. I went to the law library and did some research and familiarized with the Title 15 sections pertaining to me. I made some copies and didn’t get the full set. I didn’t realize it until I got back to the cell. I had to handwrite the copies that I missed. I sent the Ex Parte to the court and a self addressed stamped envelope. Hopefully I’ll hear from the judge soon.
I received a letter from the Inspector General. It will look into the concerns I raised on San Quentin policies. That’s good. I got my first 602/citizen’s complain back. The appeal coordinator said it was a duplicate to something I had filed. It wasn’t. I will wait and see if she returns the second citizen’s complaint I filed.
I got a reroute mail from AC. It’s a big surprise. The last time I heard from her was about four years ago. She read my story in the SF Weekly and decided to write. She sent me some photos of her rabbits and her husband. She offered to help me to set up a website since her husband is a “computer geek.” I wish I’ve heard from her sooner. I appreciate her gesture. Hopefully she’ll be able to help me in the long run.
I wrote a letter to BY and asked her to generate some community support for us. It’ll definitely help. I drop a letter to Fr. O to say thank you and told him what’s going on. He’s a good dude. I stayed up and wrote out a statement for tomorrow’s committee hearing. I hope it’ll help. I’m ready to go to sleep.
Mike had a nice ride to Marin County jail. He said it was beautiful outside.
I didn’t receive any mail today. I know the Community Resource Manager is holding my mail. He’ll stoop to sub human level to mess with me. “God” will punish his evil deeds.
The night was quiet so I got a good sleep for the first time. I even dreamed about things. I start reading the Harper’s. I like the article “Notebook” on Thomas Paine by Lewis H. Lapham. I learned something new. I’m reading between books. It helped pass time.
Mike had an attorney visit and so did I. C came up to see me. I met him for the first time. He wore a dark suit with tie, bespectacled, shaved head, about 5’8, 150 lbs and very talkative. He seemed passionate on helping me. He asked questions just to check on some facts and see if our stories matched. He said he work from 9 to 10. He plays electric guitar. He was drinking coffee and eating Famous Amos cookies. He seemed to have lots of energy. He mentioned that I’m very popular in the city because of the article in the SF Weekly. I asked him to call B to keep her updated. C made it clear that he’s an advocate to me. He’ll do what he can to help until he gets appointed by the court. I appreciate his effort and honesty. I brought up the issue of transfer. He’ll do what he can to stop it, but it’ll be difficult since that is not a right. He’ll write a letter concerning the retaliation to the warden and cc N.
It’s obvious that N wants us out of her regardless the outcome of the investigation. That’s he’s dirty way of punishing us. What a low life! Everything is out of my hands. The higher power is in control. I have to have fate that things will work out. I will get out of prison in the next couple of years if not sooner.
I wrote a letter to C and thank him for his help. I wrote to Mo about sending me reading materials. He’ll come through for me. I wrote a request to the librarian for some magazines. Let’s see if he comes through or not. Someone gave me a couple of books. One is Republic of China by Schurmann and Schell, another history book on China. The other book is Kind and Usual Punishment by Jessica Mitford. I have plenty to read now. I exercised and took a birth bath. It felt good. Rico moved to cell 2C48.
I wrote to J and Mom. I have all the time to write to J now. Too bad I don’t have any of her old letters. I wrote to Mom to assure her that I’m doing all right. I think she’s all right too. I just won’t be seeing her and the family for a few months. As long as they are well, I’m cool. That’s always the case.
G came by to say hi. He asked N’s permission first so he doesn’t get in trouble. That’s understandable. He and his congregation are praying for us. We need all the prayers. I received a postcard from Fr. O. He mentioned some doctor wrote a good letter to the SF Weekly about my case. He’ll try to find it and sent it to me.
I received my Harper’s subscription for July. I’ve never been so happy to receive a magazine. This time I’ll have a chance to read it from cover to cover. J came through for me. I read and relaxed today.
There’s no way I can great a good night sleep when people are yelling early in the morning. I feel sorry for some of them because the’re on meds and they can’t help themselves. This one guy things he’s a pimp and acted like he was talking to the prostitutes. I dislike the derogatory terms he used to curse the women he was supposedly talking to. In someways he’s better off than most of us. He’s living in his own world.
I got up extremely early to do my exercise this morning. It’s our side to shower. I didn’t push myself too hard because I still have this lingering cough. I had a little sweat. I ate breakfast then went to shower. There’re shower cages in the back stairs on the first tier. Things changed some since I was here two years ago. There’re three showers. The cop puts us in, uncuff us, then turn on the water. The razor for shoving is small with a single blade. I scraped some whiskers off. When I finished, the cop turns the water off.
I slept a little and read the Levathes book. I’m learning some new history on China that I didn’t know before. I received two leagl mail. One is a return from the U.S. Attorney’s office. I got the wrong office. The other is copies of Board of Control forms. I mailed the Ex Parte out again .I wrote a letter to M to finish answering her questions. M called my a couple of times, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. He went out for something.
Another day under the belt.
What is a “Bird Bath?” When prisoners cannot take a shower and they want to clean up, they take a Bird Bath. Birth Bath is washing up using water from the sink inside the cell. Some people just use a wet towel, soak themselves and wipe their bodies dry. Others put some towels by the door to seal the water from leaking out to the tier, use a cup to hold water and really clean their bodies. That’s more work because they have to empty the floor where they put their property and clean up all the water after the Bird Bath. It’s another way to clean the cell.
“I got busy and wrote 6 letters. It took up a few hours since I’m printing. Plus, I have to think about what I write. I’ll write more tomorrow. The day went by very fast. I couldn’t sleep after breakfast cause of all the yelling. I did some exercise and yoga, then took a bird bath. It felt good. I need more room to move around. Mike hollered a couple times passing by. I hope Rico’s doing well. My back is hurting me from sitting on the books to write. I sent the 602 out. Hopefully it will help. I need to start writing creatively. I need that writer’s book.”
I didn’t sleep well caused of the loud talking, plus it was cold as usual. I need another blanket if I have to stay here longer.
It’s Saturday so I get to have my first shower. That’ll be the only activity for the day. The water was hot, but I couldn’t adjust the temperature. I enjoyed the private shower. I didn’t find being in the hole shocking as I did a couple of years ago for the first time. The shock value is not there. Of course, my thinking has changed tremendously. I didn’t want to think about anything dealing with the investigation. I’ll have to run things over my head soon to be ready.
J gave me a book and 3 stamped envelopes and a yellow writing tablet. I appreciate that. After breakfast, I went back to sleep. I had a good nap and the bed was warmed. I read and ate lunch and the morning’s gone. I wrote to J for a bit telling her about the routines in here. I got a couple of more books: Kafka’s “Parables and Paradoxes” and Lousie Levathes’ “When China Ruled the Sea.” I’m grateful to have something to read. I’ll definitely learn more about China and Kafka. I wrote the appeal as a citizen’s complaint. Hopefully it will help me get out of here sooner. I have plenty of writing materials. It’s time to write.
I did a few sets of yoga at night. I’ll workout tomorrow. I also need to start meditating. Time is going by faster than I thought. The night is quiet for a change.”
As I looked at today’s journal entry, I think hard on why it was so short. Where did that 24 hours go? Being in the hole, I wanted to know what’s going to happen next so I can prepare myself mentally. As a survival technique, it’s important to have something to look forward to.
“The day went by fast. I saw Captain H and answered some routine questions on the lock up order. I will have to stay in the cell for a whole week. I’ll manage somehow. I wrote to J for awhile. I did some light weight exercise and yoga. It’s all right. I’m not fully recover from the little flu. I did received legal mail. It was the copy of my motion against the administration’s retaliation. I did some reading and went to sleep late. It was a good day.”
How time flies!? Nine years ago today I was locked up in San Quentin State Prison’s solitary confinement, also known as The Hole. Yes, June 13, 2002 started my life in the hole for exactly eleven months. It all started when my friends Rico, Mike, Stephen and I signed a proposal requesting classes on Asian American history and literature, ethnic studies, a student body, a faculty body and that our rights be honored in the San Quentin college program. It’s a long story.
Few people understand what is like for a prisoner to be locked up in solitary confinement, which it’s a prison within a prison. The psychological effects that long term isolation has on prisoners are often detrimental. However, I was able to get out of the hole and remain sane. I kept a journal of my time in the hole. I will share it with the world in hope to shed some light on the conditions of solitary confinement and how I had survived that ordeal. I will use the initials of people I identified for confidentiality purposes. Let’s see how folks feel about my time travel back to the past.
“Evening. I don’t know what time it is right now, but it really does not matter. I’m in the hole. There is no difference if I know what time it is. I have nowhere to go. I’ll be in this cell for a while. I’m by myself.
My companions are noises from people yelling, talking and the echoes of my voice when I hum a few bars. I’m feeling extremely peaceful. There is no feelings of anxiety, regrets and hopelessness. I’m bathing in peace. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, but I’m grateful. I’m in the hole. My reaction and feeling about being in here is totally different from my first time in the hole.
It was on October 26, 2000 that I was in the same situation. I had everything going for me then. This time I don’t seem to have much. The extreme of having so much to having nothing was too much of a shock for me last time. This time I’m mentally prepared. That made a huge difference. Also, I have faith that I will win when this is all over.
I was at work this morning when Officer R came picked me up. He informed me that I’m going to get locked up. I said goodbye to all the library workers. S cried as he hugged me. He’s a very emotional person. He has a lot of good qualities. I was allowed to pack my things up. When I got to the cell, it was searched by a squad Officer D. He took some books, photographs, writings, letters and misc paperwork. It took me some time to pack up my stuff, mostly books. I much have a hundred books. I ended up with 8 boxes 1 bag and the TV. L helped me carry them to the storage room. He told me that he loves me and that we will win. I believe him. It’s sad to leave him by himself. He’ll have to stay strong and fight for us. I didn’t take a lot of food, only some can goods and rice. I felt calm and peaceful when I was packing.
After I signed my lockup order, C/O R to infirmary and to C section “the hole.” I yelled to Rico while in the cage to let him know I’m here. I stood in the cage for almost three hours. Boy, do I have patient!? I was able to talk to Mike for a bit. he was going to the law library. After I was escorted to my cell, I took time to clean the cell with a piece of rag. Someone left a bible, half of a Stuff magazine and a book in the locker. At least I have something to read if I want to.
My neighbor “Little” gave me three envelops and 3 pieces of paper. I appreciate his help. I wrote a letter to Mom and N. It’s a short letter just to ask them not to worry. I also wrote to K and sent him the copy of 114, (the code for lock up order.) I also sent a 602 as a citizen’s complaint again Lt. N. I hope to hear from the court soon. Dinner was hot doges and beans. I was hungry so I ate them. B sent me a couple of stamped envelops and paper. It was nice of him to do that. Mike gave me some stamps shampoo and toothpaste.
During mail pick up, I received 6 pieces of rerouted mail. They were all inspected and read twice. My mail are flagged. I was happy to receive those letters. I got letter from J, A, M, K and O. I got a fan mail response from the SF Weekly story. K was very vocal about the injustice done by the governor. I want to write her back. A shared a lot with me. He talked to Yuri about me. I’ll read J’s letter before I go to sleep. I wrote her a short letter, but didn’t make it out. I’m still feeling good right now. I hope all is well with Rico, Mike and L.
We will win.”
I am 33 years old and breathin’
it’s a good year to die
I never felt such extreme peace
despite being mired in constant ear-deafening screams
from the caged occupants – triple CMS1, PCs2, gang validated,
drop-outs, parole violators, lifers,
drug casualties, three strikers,
in San Quentin’s 150 year old solitary confinement
I don’t want to start things over
I am very proud of being who I am
I wrote a letter to a stranger who said
“You deserve to lose at least your youth,
not returning to society until well into middle age…”
after reading an article about me in San Francisco Weekly
I told him
“A hundred years from now when we no longer exist on this earth of humankind the seriousness of my crime will not be changed or lessened. I can never pay my debt to the victims because I cannot turn back the hands of time…I will not judge you.”
whenever I think about my crime I feel ashamed
I’ve lost my youth and more
I’ve learned that the more I suffer the stronger I become
I am blessed with great friends
I talk better than I write
because the police can’t hear my conversation
the prison officials labeled me a trouble maker
I dared to challenge the administration
for its civil rights violation
I fought for Ethnic Studies in the prison college program
I’ve been a slave for 16 years under the 13th Amendment
I know separation and disappointment intimately
I memorized the United Front Points of Unity
I love my family and friends
my shero Yuri Kochiyama and a young sister named Monica
who is pretty wanted to come visit me
somehow I have more female friends than male friends
I never made love to a woman
sometimes I feel like 16
but my body disagrees
some people called me a square
because I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs
I am a procrastinator but I get things done
I’ve never been back to my motherland
I started to learn Spanish
escribió una poema en español
at times I can be very selfish and vice versa
I’ve never been to a prom, concert, opera, sporting event
or my parents’ house
I don’t remember the last time I cried
I’ve sweat with the Native Americans, attended mass with the
Catholics, went to service with the Protestants, sat and chanted
with the Buddhists
my mind is my church
I am spoiled
in 2001 a young lady I love stopped loving me
it felt worse than losing my freedom
I was denied parole for the ninth time
I assured Mom that I will be home one day
after she pleaded me to answer her question truthfully
“Are you ever going to get out of prison?”
the Prison Industrial Complex and its masters attempted to control my mind
it didn’t work
they didn’t know I’ve been introduced to Che, Yuri Kochiyama, Paulo Freire, Howard Zinn, Frederick Douglass, Assata Shakur, bell hooks, Maurice Cornforth, Malcolm X, Gandhi, George Jackson, Mumia, Buddha,
and many others…
I had about a hundred books in my cell
I was internalizing my politics
In 2000 I organized the first poetry slam in San Quentin
I earned my associate of art degree
something that I never thought possible
I’ve self-published a zine
I was the poster boy for San Quentin
some time in the ‘90s my grandparents died
without knowing that I was in prison
I kissed Dad on the cheek and told him that I love him
for the first time
I’ve written my first poem
I called myself a poet to motivate me to write
because I knew poets would set us free
in 1998 I was granted parole
then it was taken away
the governor’s political career superseded my life
some time in the 90s
I participated in most of the self-help programs
in 1996 I really learned how to read and write
I read my first history book “A People’s History
of the United States”
my social conscious mind was awakened
in 1992 I passed my GED in Solano Prison
I learned how to take care of my body from ’89 to ‘93
in 1987 I turned 18 and went to the Pen from youth authority
the youngest prisoner in San Quentin’s
Maximum Security Prison
I was lucky people thought I knew kung fu
I violated an innocent family of four and scarred them for life
money superseded human suffering
I was charged as an adult and sentenced to life
with a possibility
no hablo ingles
I wish I could start things over
I was completely lost
I left Communist China to Capitalist America
no hablo ingles
I was spoiled
in 1976 I went to demonstrations against the Gang of Four
life was a blur from 1 to 6
I inhaled my first breath.
1 Correctional Clinical Case Management System Mental health condition of prisoners
2 Protective Custody of Prisoners
it doesn’t lead… as the saying goes.
A 16 year old Asian teenager was stabbed and passed away last night in San Francisco. One of my Case Managers notified me of the incident and I verified the facts with a staff who works in the wraparound service in SF General. So I went on SF Gate news online to read the news reporting. The staff writer wrote that a 16 year old teenager was stabbed to death by a 18 year old man. That statement made me pause to think how media can portray things base on what it wants readers to feel and believe. How can a 16 year old be called a teenager and a 18 year old called a man? The last time I check Sixteen and Eighteen both end with teen. So they should both be Teenagers. Where’s the man comes in? I’m just saying… Then when I look at the same news again at night time, the whole story changed. That’s online media for you.
On another note, a Chinese World Journal reporter expressed to me that in her 20 or year career, this is the youngest Asian homicide victim that she’s aware of. The Asian community is definitely shaken up by this tragedy since there’s very few murders in its history. Unlike the African American and Latino American communities where young people are killing young people all the time. That’s another reality.
It’s a sad reminder that life is short. I hope everyone gets that message.
“We are advocates of the abolition of war, we do not want war; but war can only be abolished through war, and in order to get rid of the gun it is necessary to take up the gun. …When human society advances to the point where classes and states are eliminated, there will be no more wars, counter-revolutionary or revolutionary, unjust or just; that will be the era of perpetual peace for mankind. Our study of the laws of revolutionary war springs from the desire to eliminate all wars; herein lies the distinction between us Communists and all the exploiting classes.”
A friend gave me the English version of Quotations from Chairman Mao Tsetung many years ago when I was in San Quentin. I remember reading the Chinese version when I was in elementary school in China. I didn’t understand the meanings of what I was reading. Now I can comprehend the depth of Mao’s analysis.
I picked up the book from the book shelf and randomly came across the passage where Mao spoke about War that I found worth sharing.
Different cultures have different superstitions. One of the superstitions in Asian culture is it’s bad luck to go visit a prison. It’s one thing if you have loved ones locked up and you’re visiting them. It’s all bad if you just go visit a prison.
In the past, I had encourage some youth to go visit San Quentin so they can get an ideal what life is like so they won’t do things that land them there. However, most of the Asian youth don’t want to go because of superstition. Their parents don’t approve of them going for the same reason.
For me, I would like to think that I transcend all superstition. Therefore, I went to visit San Quentin this afternoon to brainstorm on setting up a culture competent program to help the Asian and Pacific Islander prisoners. One of the prisoners showed me a “lai shi” he received from an older prisoner. “lai shi” is good luck money that married people or elders give to the youngsters in a red envelop during new year celebration. Since there’s no red envelop in prison, they guy use a paper towel and shaded with red color pencil to make the envelop. For money, he put a prison photo ducat (Photo ducat is used in the visiting room to take pictures with visitors. It’s sell through the Prison Canteen.,) which worth two dollars, inside the envelop. I asked the guys whether all the Asians are going to have a spread to celebrate the new year. They said everyone’s too busy working and going to self help programs. They may do something over the weekend.
Culture is important. For those who are incarcerated, they still observe their cultures as much as they can. Therefore, it’s important to have cultural specific programs cater to their needs to reduce recidivism.
Again, I’m grateful that I can walk out of the prison each time I visit. Each visit gives me perspective and makes me more appreciative of freedom.
It’s the eve of the Year of Rabbit. The atmosphere in the US is definitely different from the home country as Asian immigrants from different shores celebrates the Lunar Year. I hear the firecrackers popping here and there in my part of Oak Town. And it seems like those sounds of scaring the devils away becomes lesser and lesser with each passing year with all the banning of fireworks and all. I guess that’s the way it goes when you’re in a foreign land.
I wish I have some firecrackers to remind me of the good old childhood day.
… Sharing with about 40 diverse immigrant students in San Francisco’s International High school about the importance of education and the potential they have to become future leaders.
… Outreaching in the hot spots of Chinatown and talking with youth about finding better activities than hanging out and smoking.
… Challenging a group of youth on the streets to play basketball in the Chinatown YMCA against staff from the Community Youth Center (CYC) and offer them, “If you win, we will buy all of you dinner. If we win, you will have to do community service with us.”
… Having about 15 youth taking up CYC staff’s challenge, boasting that they will run us off the court, ending up losing by 21 points and taking a group picture when the game’s over and wanting a rematch.
… Coming home exhausted from the basketball game before midnight and having to coordinate staff to handle the reporting of an attempted suicide by a youth.
I maintain contact with a few people in the Pen. Whenever I have time I would write to them. I still remember how good it felt to get a letter from the “free world.” Receiving letters from family and friends is one way to maintain contact and ties with the community. It also means that people in prison are not forgotten.
Today, I received a letter from a life term prisoner who I had done time with. I met up with him during my visit to Vacaville Medical Facility with the San Francisco Reentry Council a few months ago.
I just want to share an excerpt of what he wrote:
“I was denied parole because of weak parole plans. What a bummer, I took them 29 1/2 years [with] 25 years of that was clean time, no write ups, or disciplinary action and I was denied parole for three more years under a law that became active literally about a week before I went to the parole board on 4-3-09. Marsey Law, huh, what a rip off. Here it is 2011 and I go back to the board next year 2012, so really have to dot my i and cross my ts.”
Well, it’s good to know that he has not given up hope.
Did you know that I’m a member of the San Francisco Central Police District Community Police Advisory Board (CPAB)? Well, I am.
I got on the board under the recommendation of the then Captain Dudley who is now a Commander. Since I do violence prevention in the city, especially working with teenagers in Chinatown, I wanted to be a member so I can provide input to create a safer community and provide an alternative view. Also, I’m representing the younger generation.
The CPAB meets monthly to talk about issues that are impacting the jurisdiction of Central Station. There’s other CPAB in other stations as well. Each CPAB meeting is facilitated by the district Captain.
Today CPAB covered ongoing issues on Chinatown safety, Graffiti, Entertainment, Prostitution, Sit Lie Enforcement and Parolees. The Captain also provide the Compstat (crime statistic) of the month.
Can my involvement count as civil engagement?
It feels good to get up in the morning and find breakfast on the table.
Dad got up early this morning to make Chinese fried tortilla from scratch and beef porridge. It’s a meal that Chinese from southern part of China eat for breakfast. I loved eating it when I was a kid. I always appreciate Dad’s cooking. As I sat at the table eating breakfast with Dad, I felt a sense of love and fulfillment. However, for a flash moment, I noticed my thought wondering how much longer will I be able to enjoy Dad’s presence.
For now, I will continue to cherish his porridge with love.
As part of my way of appreciating the legacy of Dr. King’s dream, I participated in the Know Your Rights event that was organized by the Bay Area Youth Commission and sponsored by Lick-Wilmerding High School’s Center for Civil Engagement.
I had the privilege of kick starting the event with a poem and got approximately 250 people chanting “Peace, Love and Community”. However, I was inspired by the young poet Chinaka Hodge, who let her words flow like a series of soothing melodies. Then I was able to conduct a workshop on the importance of knowing your rights. When it was time for the participants to choose which workshop to go to, mine was the less popular. I’m sure me being an ex-con definitely had something to do with it. Fortunately, the twelve of so people in my workshop appreciated my sharing.
It’s good to see so many young people who are doing their part to live up to Dr. King’s dream of equality for all. Many of them will definitely be leaders who will lead this country.
Something didn’t seem right this morning when I got to work. I felt a sense of lightness. I didn’t know what caused that feeling until I reached for my waist and realized my work cell phone wasn’t there. I had left it charging at home. The first thought came to my mind was, “The phone’s going to be blown up with missed calls and messages.” Then I just accepted the fact that I’m going to be without phone for the day.
I carry two phones with me daily, one’s personal and the other for work. I wish I could combine the two, but personal and professional have to be separated.
When I got home, I did received some calls and messages. I totally forgot that I had an appointment for an interview on the phone. I didn’t like missing the call.
Cell phone has been apart of my life for almost four years. I did feel a little naked without it.
St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, San Francisco, CA
I was invited by the San Francisco Interfaith Council’s (SFIC) Executive Director Michael Pappas as a guest speaker with Reentry Policy Director Jessica Flintoff at its monthly breakfast.
About 80 people from different faith based groups were present at the St. Mark’s Lutheran Church Heritage Hall. I shared my poem “Autobiography @ 33” with them as an introduction. I spoke briefly about the importance of all communities coming together to help those who are incarcerated. I drew the parallel on how the prisoners are being treated like lepers in the leper colony of Prison Industrial Complex. Many of the community members reached out to me when I was in prison just as Jesus reach out to the lepers in the leper colony. Without the compassion demonstrated by people from the community, I would not have become who I am.
Members of SFIC are doing many great things helping people who are in need in our community. I want to encourage the interfaith council to play an active role in changing the policy that can steer California away from being number 1 in incarceration and number 50 in education.
The irritation in my eyes were bothering me so I decided to take a day off. I rarely take time off from work since it seems like I have never ending work to do. I thought time would go by really slow, in the contrary, the day went by way too fast.
I made a list of things I needed to do and start doing it. I washed laundry, organized mail, paid my bills, cancelled my U verse internet service, went to the Post Office to return equipment and brought stamps, went to the bank to check my account balance, cooked a pot of soup and made dinner. I rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes, showered and ate dinner.
I was so caught up in doing all the chores that I forgot to go to the neighborhood town hall meeting. I also had plan to write a poem, but I didn’t get to it.
My eyes felt better after some rest. I still have endless things to do, but I enjoyed my day off.
Since everyone is making a big deal about today’s date being 1/11/11, I figure I will document some of the things that transpired for me.
Today happens to be the day I have to check in with ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement.) I have to report to ICE every three months. So at 9 o’clock in the morning, my co-worker drove me to Sansome Street to do my check in. I wanted to do it early so I can be at work on time and I wanted to beat the crowd. However, when I went to the designated window on 5th floor, there’re too many people waiting to get their paperwork sign. so I decided to go back later.
I went back a couple of hours later, it was just routine. The ICE agent sign off on my paper and gave me a new date to go back in 3 months.
It’s Tuesday so I went to CYA Chad to do my workshop with the IMPACT program. We’re doing the Addiction module this series. The lead facilitator and I went to two different units to give an introduction of the module. It’s good to have two groups of captivated audience. A staff sat in our circle. Later he expressed how much he appreciates us for providing this program for the youth.
I enjoyed the ride to and from Chad. I get to talk to my co-facilitator and friend Sterling. We often reminisce how life’s twist and turn got us in the positions we’re in. We stay busy.
Many years ago when I was still in Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) custody, I was locked up in Yuba County Jail in Marysville, California. ICE contracts with different county jails to keep people who are going through the deportation process in their custody. Out of boredom and a need for outside human connection, I would call some of my friends using the prepaid telephone card to talk to them. One of my male friends was always there to pick up the phone and happily chatted with me about any random things. He would also send me money to buy food and load up on my phone minutes. I always appreciate him for being there whenever I needed him.
Tonight, I received a call from Yuba County Jail. It’s my friend who was always there to pick up my call. ICE detained him and ordered his deportation to China after he lost his case. He has a wife and two toddlers at home. He doesn’t know whether when he will be deported or when ICE will release him on supervision. He’s waiting for luck to come.
We talked about the most random things for thirty minutes so he can kill some boredom. I’m grateful that he called.
Well, I knew I was out of shape hen I was barely able to do one Superman today.
Superman is an exercise where you pull yourself up above the pull up bar, drop down, and pull yourself up above the bar again. It’s different and more difficult than the normal pull up which only requires you to pull your chin up above the bar. Superman requires upper body, arms and wrists strength to complete.
I used to be able to do about 8 to 10 reps.
It’s been a long time since I had exercise regularly. Regularly meaning at less working out three times a week. So when I decided to do some bar work before I go jogging, I realize that I’m Superman no more.
It’s time to get busy…
I was walking toward city hall on Larkin Street in San Francisco observing my surroundings in the afternoon. All of sudden, a white bearded man with a backpack came into my line of vision. What I saw next made me flabbergasted. The man took off his pants, squadded half way and defecated on the side walk in the middle of the street. Then he wiped himself with a tissue, pulled up his pants and walked away as it’s a normal thing to do.
Though I was shocked by what had transpired, I see dog poop and human poop daily when I go to work. The many alleyways in the Tenderloin District have been public animal and human bathrooms for years.
The only way I see that can stop all those madness is fundamentally covering the basic needs for people: housing, jobs, and food.
It’s definitely a night of celebration in San Francisco politic today. Ed Lee, who is the City Administrator received 10 to 1 vote to become the first Chinese American Mayor in San Francisco.
Jane Kim had her community celebration party in Chinatown to prepare for her term as the first Korean American Board of Supervisor in San Francisco. Everyone who is anyone from the city political scene was there, except for outgoing Board of Supervisor Chris Daly. Too much drama going on there.
I spoke with Mayor Willie Brown and thanked her for his support.
I thanked Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi for his support of my pardon. He said that I made it easy for him to support me. He expressed that he strongly believe in reentry. He said that we never talk one on one and suggested that we should get together. I told him I will contact his office to set up a time to meet. I look forward to exchanging ideal with him on different issues effecting the incarcerated. I appreciate his openness.
It’s good to see Asian Americans being more involve in politics, especially young people. I look forward to working with them in some capacity.
So as I was looking for parking on the way to a press conference, I noticed my boss in her car writing something. After parking my car, I approached her to find out what she’s doing. She told me a truck hit her car. I noticed a huge dent on the back door of the driver side. I started taking pictures of the damage and the truck parked behind her.
Then a truck stopped and parked across the street, the Caucasian man in the driver seat yelled at me, “If you think the truck behind you hit your car, you’re wrong. I work for the same company. The truck has been parked here.”
I looked at the damaged car in front of me and said to him, “Are you for real? I’m looking at the damage right here.”
So the guy yelled over to his coworker who’s busy writing down insurance information, “Armando, did you hit that car?” Armando responded, “Yes, I did.”
The guy said to me, “Oh, congratulations.” Then he proceeded to apologize to me three different times.
So I’m trying to make sense of what had transpired. Armando, who’s driving a truck hit my boss’s car. They were exchanging insurance information. I arrived at the scene to take pictures of the damage. Then, another driver, who works for the same company as Armando, driving a similar truck stopped and parked across the street. He immediate defends his coworker stating that the accident did not happened. Yet, he was not at the scene when the accident occurred. Then he apologizes after his coworker admit he was at fault.
What was all that about?
“It’s been 29 years. When are going to come visit GuMa? I saw everyone else in the family except you.” GuMa asked me over the phone.
How time flies!? The last time I saw Guma, my Dad older sister, was when I was 12 years old in 1982. We’re at the training station in the city of GuangZhou, China.
“Do you remember the piggy bank of coins you gave me before you left?” GuMa started talking away. “I didn’t use any of it. I put those coins in rolls and saved them. I still have them in the village.” I can’t believe GuMa still remembers everything so vividly. She’s already 85 years old. I was closest with GuMa out of the family. She helped take care of me when I was a kid. I gave her all my savings before I left for USA.
I have to tell GuMa it’s not that I don’t want to go visit her or forgot about her. I don’t have a passport to go anywhere. I told her that whenever I am able to adjust my immigration status and travel abroad, the first person I want to see in China is GuMa.
Yet, the reality is, I don’t know if I will ever see GuMa again. That’s why I wish that she will live to be a hundred years old. That way, hopefully I can fix my status within 15 years and go visit GuMa.
For adults, San Quentin State Prison and Folsom State Prison are considered are notorious prisons. When it comes to youth, N. A. Chaderjian, AKA “Chad,” is one of California’s most notorious youth prisons.
“I don’t really like talking to you like this.” I told “J” who is standing behind a solid metal door with a long piece of glass in the middle. It saddens me to see him locked up in a cell because I was in the same situation many many moons ago.
Today is the first session of the 11 weeks of IMPACT (Incarcerated Men Putting Away Childish Things) program. However, our point person is on vacation so take the opportunity to do meet and greet with youth participants.
“J” who is gang affiliated told me that he’s been locked up in the California Youth Authority Since he’s 14 years old. He’s doing a youth life sentence for attempted murder. That means he’ll be out when he turns 25. At 20, he has 5 more years to go. However, with good behavior he may go home in 3 years. Since he’s in solitary confinement, “J” will have to learn how to get along with other wards who are rival gang members before he can program on the mainline population.
I encourage him to invest in his education and set short and long term goals. When I asked what he wants to do after he get out, he said he couldn’t think that far. He needs to work his way out of solitary confinement first.
I can’t help but wonder what will become of “J” when he leaves Chad after being incarcerated from a teenager to a young man.
The Chinese ethnic media reported the Governor Schwarzenegger’s pardon name list and commented on the fact that my name wasn’t one of them. Chinese television KTSF Channel 26 even did an interview with me. They wanted to keep the Chinese community updated on my pardon effort. Over the years, I appreciate the media’s support because it’s been sympathetic to me. Its reporting allowed the community to make its decision on whether it wants to embrace someone who is an ex-con and confronted the idea of redemption. So far, the media has been kind to me. Friendly media is definitely a great tool for advocacy.
Happy beginning of 2011 my dearest family, friends and supporters!
The year of 2010 definitely ended with a bang for me. I received much media attention in my effort to petition for a pardon from Governor Schwarzenegger before he leaves office. Bay Area mainstream KTVU channel 2 news did an interview with me. People’s station KPFA’s Hard Knock Radio, APEX Express, and Letters to Washington had me on their shows. The Chinese World Journal newspaper did two articles on me. KQED online news blogged about my deportation case. Many bloggers and websites across the nation helped spread the word of my online petition. Change.org hosted my online petition. Facebook was extremely useful in reaching out to people to support my cause. We had over 2,500 people signed the online pardon petition. None of it could have been possible without the support from friends and the community.
Maybe it’s about me getting older, I didn’t go out to party and meet up with friends to ring in the new year. I just relax at home and enjoyed a sense of solitude.
As I reflected on all that had happened in the past year, I realized that things will only get better in 2011.
Life is good.
This anthology of work by Asian & Pacific Islander (API) prisoners is the first book to highlight the unique stories and perspectives of this growing prisoner population in the US. Through original poetry, vignettes, essays, first-hand narratives, interviews, and drawings, 22 contributors cover topics such as the factors that led to their incarceration, the cruelty that occurs in prisons and immigration detention jails, and the harsh reality of deportation that awaits many API prisoners. By offering readers a glimpse into their innermost fears, regrets, and dreams, these prisoners contribute an important voice to our society’s discussion around race, immigration, and prison issues.
OTHER includes a preface by Helen Zia. It is edited by Eddy Zheng and Ben Wang, designed by Joy Liu, and is a project of the Asian Prisoner Support Committee (APSC). Available for purchase at Eastwind Books of Berkeley.
Dearest family, friends and supporters:
Happy new breath! Happy New Year! Happy new decade!
I remember standing in the 49er’s Linebacker room sharing a message with about twenty NFL football players, “You’re one bad decision away from being locked up in prison or six feet under.” We all have to be accountable to our actions. There is no exception.
I remember an immigrant youth lying on a gurney in the hospital emergency room pleading with me, “Can I leave the hospital? I don’t want to be here. My family doesn’t have money.” He didn’t think of that when he decided to engage in a group fight. There is a consequence to every action.
I remember the day an African American man robbed and dragged my 74 year old mother on the concrete ground in board daylight. As she lies in the emergency room in the hospital, I reasoned with myself, “Here I am advocating for the rights of the African Americans, Latinos and APIs in the community, why does it has to be an African American who hurts my Mom? Then again, I did not think about my victims’ feelings when I committed my crime. Who am I to judge others?” There’re many reasons why people do what they do. It’s what I am going to do, that matters. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary.
I remember standing on the stage in the Laney College auditorium with my poet friend SKIM performing our collaboration of “Breath is Life” to celebrate my birthday with friends and community members. I’m reminded that community is how we include and embrace each other. (more…)
Happy new year!
It’s a blessing to be able to type this message to you. Where as in the past, I have to rely on others to do so.
It’s been ten months since my release from Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). Life is good.
After being in prison for 21 years, one would think that my transition to society would be a difficult one. But not so in my case. Since the day I returned to the free world, I just keep on moving forward.
As you can imagine, everything is new to me. I’ve experienced many first times. That’s why every day of my life is full of excitement.
However, what I find most rewarding and satisfying is doing work that I love. I’m working full time for the Community Youth Center (CYC) of San Francisco as a Project Coordinator for the Community Response Network – Asian Pacific Islander(CRN-API). I get to service the youth, family and community of San Francisco. Also, I’m privileged to be given opportunities to share my experiences in schools, colleges and community based organizations. It is like a dream come true.
As for my immigration status, not much has changed. My deportation order is still active. I do have an appeal in the ninth circuit appeal court. I don’t know what’s going to happen. What I do know is I am not going to worry about the things that I have no control of. I am just going with the flow and stay busy.
I have attached a chronology of some of the things that I’ve done since my release in February. Please take the time to read it because you’ve played an important part in all my accomplishments.
As always, I can never accomplish any of these without the continual support from all of you and the community. I am grateful for your presence in my life.
Please continue to keep me humble because you sustain me, because without you there is no me and because you are beautiful.
2008 is going to be another awesome year. Let’s keep on shining… living… loving…
Have you ever experienced being the fastest runner in the world?
Jogging lightly next to a slow moving jeep,
Starts to itch. I sneak behind it
And grab hold of its shining silver bumper.
Then there is a loud scream —
Sixty wild horses take off as if they are
Being chased by starving tigers.
Gasping for air, I run
Tip-toeing on an endless black road
My heart beats like a bass player
Slapping notes in a heavy metal concert,
While my mind is racing against its normal limit.
Oh, yes, I’m flying now. My legs no longer
Belong to me as they fly on their own.
The wild horses let out thunderous groans
Monsoon wind whistles by my ears
The black road becomes a blur under my feet.
The limited existence of my life flashes by my mind
I’m just a kid. I don’t want to die.
Panic takes over me. What would happen if I just
Let go? I’m too scared to find out.
Stop! Stop!! No one can hear me
As I yelling at the top of my lungs inside my head.
Then — as if the tigers disappeared,
The horses finally decide to put on their brakes.
I release my grip and fall on the black road
As everything turned back to normal.
Ha. Ha. Ha. I can’t help but laugh
Out loud as my body is drenched in sweat.
What a ride!
Rubbing the photo on my white cotton shirt attempting to remove the dirt, I ask myself: “What did I do to deserve this?” Though I expected to find my cell in total disarray after the search, I still was not prepared for what I saw upon entering the cage I call home. A tornado has swept through my world. The mattress, sheets, and clothes are draping slovenly over my steel bunk and locker. The letters from family and friends that help me survive in prison are now scattered on the concrete floor, and the books that teach me to treat others as I want to be treated hide beneath the debris of this man-made disaster. Just when I think this is the extent of the damage, I find boot prints on the innocent faces of my infant nephews.
Mt. Tamalpais disappears
slowly in front of everyone’s
eyes. The morning traffic jams the
congested road that not even water can leak
through. The road spreads its limbs flatly to accommodate
the dead load of metals and flesh.
The ferry tickles the tranquil bay leaving
a trail of white bubbly waves behind. While the
wind yawns out a howling cold breath, seagulls and
little black birds extend their wings for a warm up stretch.
The trees stand silently bathing in the sweet mountain dews.
Mt. Tamalpais sits firmly in deep meditation.
Inch by inch the clouds creep around the
mountain and blankets it. The sun escorts
the clouds by beaming its ray as a guide.
Mt. Tamalpais sits firmly in deep meditation.
Just as the mountain is about to be consumed, the sun
vanishes. The milky white clouds panic and transform into
gun metal gray. It backs off from its attempt to conquer.
Mt. Tamalpais sits firmly in deep meditation.
The strength and serenity of the mountain
inspire the clouds’ creativity. It spontaneously
starts to decorate the mountain and blue sky with its flexible
and fluffy feature, creating a post card for millions to enjoy.
The clouds unite as one with Mt. Tam.
One inmate’s call for APA community support
by Eddy Zheng, AsianWeek, VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY
Asians do not go to prisons. When people mention the word prison they usually conjure up images of hard-core criminals — murderers, kidnappers, drug dealers, gang members and sexual predators. Prison also brings to mind the mass incarceration of African Americans, Latinos, Native Americans and poor whites. Rarely do people associate prison with Asian Pacific Americans.
I am an APA prisoner who has been incarcerated for over 17 years. If I have to write about all the struggles APA prisoners have to endure, I can write a book. Since I am writing an essay, I will share with you some of what it is like to be an APA in prison.
The first thing an APA prisoner is subjected to is the surrender of his ethnicity. The prison system promotes racial segregation by grouping prisoners as “Black,” “White,” “Mexican/Hispanic” and “Other.” It is a means of control by creating a separation of culture between races. As soon as an APA is processed into the prison he is categorized as an “Other.” He is no longer Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino, Japanese or any other ethnicity. Once he is labeled, for the rest of his stay in prison he will be living, showering, eating and hanging out with those who are in the same category.
parole consideration hearing
appearance in front of the
Board of Prison Terms (BPT)
the judgment has been the same
parole – denied
for an ounce of hope
parallels to ten thousand miles down
the bottomless pit of optimism
chaperoned by endless questions of
for I know I am alive
for I know I will never
forget to fight
with a eerie sense of calm
my feet grounded to the earth
before two men
whom I have never met
but will hold my life
and dictate the course of my future
in the intricacy of their frontal lobes, neurons, synapses
hoping that they are functional
The parties present are
newly appointed commissioner (African American – God #1)
deputy commissioner (Latino American – God #2)
deputy district attorney (Caucasian – society)
female documentary producer, two camera men (Caucasians – public eyes)
San Quentin Public Information Officer (African American – restrictor of public eyes)
three Peace Officers (African Americans – enforcers)
my attorney (African American – protector)
and I (Asian – the sinner)
The mode of operation
is to talk about my commitment offense
is to talk about my institutional behavior and parole plans
gets to make a closing statement
gets to make a closing statement
gets to make a closing statement
Recess for deliberation slash coffee breaks
I have no faith
in the BPT
to uphold the law
to consider the suitability
of my parole
that ounce of hope
that I will receive redemption
is hidden among the cells of my mind
I am fighting for my life
going into the hearing
is to speak from the heart
only this time
I want to be
of the hearing
I want to answer
whatever questions, concerns, uncertainties
the BPT has concerning
the crime I have committed
at the age of sixteen
for the victims
as a person being reared
in prison for 15 years
my readiness to be a productive person
I want to eliminate
any excuses the BPT
might use to deny
As the camera
reads from the highlighted
cheat sheet guidelines on
how to conduct a parole hearing
I cannot help but notice
that on the back of his cheat sheet
is the signed pink slip
which I would receive at the end of
the judgment day
the only thing left for him to do
is to make an X in the denial box
at that moment
the ounce of hope
The only thing
left for God #1 to do
is to go through the formality
of the judgment guideline
He states the charges
of my crime on the record
asks me a couple of questions
and turns the judgment over to
the usual questions and discussions
on the factors of the crime
are no longer important
the decision has been made
only some of the self-help programs
in which I have participated
only a few of my support letters
asks about my parole plans
and wants to move on
the decision has been made
I stopped him
and pointed out
that he has neglected
to mention all my support letters
along with a petition of about 140 signatures
in support of my release
that he is holding in his hand
I made sure
he read all the documents
concerning the hearing
I answered all the questions
that the Gods have
in extreme detail
gets his turn to
make a closing statement
he used his best performing voice
and restated the seriousness of my crime
as if he was trying a capital punishment case in front of the jury
to convict me
he is opposed to my parole
states the facts
of my case
the lack of prison disciplinary record
my educational and vocational achievements
my overwhelming support from family and friends in the community
my solid parole plans with three job offers
and that I have met all the necessary requirements
set by the BPT to be granted parole
gets his annual chance to speak
to fight for his life
I expressed my remorse for the victims
the shame and suffering that I have caused them and my family
that in another 30 or 50 years the seriousness of the crime will never change
that I am no longer the sixteen year who committed the crimes
that I am a compassionate 32 year old human being
that I have been eligible for parole since 1993
that in previous parole hearings
five different commissioners have found me suitable for parole
until the Governor refused my release due to his blanket ‘no parole policy’
and that I am ready to be a productive person in society
Next is the recess slash coffee break
when the Gods will deliberate
my suitability for parole
it took them about fifteen minutes
there is nothing to decide
the decision has been made
I already know the outcome
from his cheat sheet
“The panel unanimously finds that you are not suitable for parole and that you would pose an unreasonable risk of danger to society if release from prison at this time. This is due to the heinous and cruelty of the crime and a callous disregard for human suffering… and the lack of therapy.”
for a nano second
I thought I heard
him choking back
engulfs the space between
the moralizing God
and the sinner
from those venomous sound bites
that sealed my possibility of a future
at least for another year or so
years of moral jousting
with different chameleon BPT Gods slash parasites
strengthened my antibodies
to shield me
from their poisonous psychological abusive
attempts to dehumanize my essence
The judgment is final
Sinner engages the Gods into a dialogue…
Sinner, “What about forgiveness…?”
God #1, “The victims will never forgive you… society might forgive you one day…”
Sinner, “Why are you still treating me as a criminal?”
God #2, “You were a criminal, you are a criminal and you will always be a criminal!”
I got stuck in Peter Pan’s Never-never Land
never had a chance to be seen as older than a sixteen year old
the decision has been made
to break the laws of society and government
got me in prison to be rehabilitated slash punished
The question is
will the same laws of society and government ever going to let me out of prison?
The words of Anatole France echoes in my mind:
in all its majestic equality,
forbids the rich
as well as the poor
to beg on the streets, sleep under bridges, and steal bread.”
Briiing!… Briiiiing!!… Briiiiiing!!!
The authoritative sound of the bell
the transient humanistic bond
like well-dosed sheep in experimental labs
we herd ourselves up the stairs
the two flights of concrete steps
that lead me to another struggle
another reality check
to savor every moment of that precious
the teaching assistants
I drag my feet
and plant each step
mindfully and instinctively
to resist the drug of conformity
holding on to every second of our exchanges
The authoritative sound of the bell
the transient humanistic bond
“I’m tired.” She says to her comrade
as she slowly climbs the stairs
feet tired as her mind now
only a few more steps
and she will be closer to the comfort of her home
it has been a long day
she went to
and drove straight
the men in the Pen
she hasn’t had time to rest
she hasn’t had time to eat
she hasn’t had time for herself
to breathe mindfully
her comrade acknowledges her
with a moonlighting smile that she knows will help
for the journey ahead
her comrade puts
her arm around her shoulder
she wraps her arm around her comrade’s waist
the flashes of their generous smile
embrace each other
for they know
before the long drive home
they have to walk among the shadows
of confined spirits
through the gauntlet of checkpoints
leave behind the microcosm of a gated community
brace the star filled night sky
and the awakening cold wind from the bay
The authoritative sound of the bell
the transient humanistic bond
I’m tired of hearing the bells
dis hyphen con hyphen nects me
I’m tired of the same ritual of
walking up those steps of reality checks
that remind me of
I’m tired of the hesitation I feel
when I ponder whether I should
leave in quick steps or stay back to shuffle my feet
as we wait by the area where we will part ways
I’m tired of the panopticon effect that is
indoctrinated in me by the Dis-con-nector
contemplating the threats of retaliation
upon myself and others
if I lingered a few seconds too long
I’m tired of the feeling of vulnerability
that shakes my defense mechanism
I’m tired of knowing that while you’re
floating across the bridge of incandescence
heading to the comfort of your homes
I’m already confined in my assigned cage
that is home
I’m tired of the conditions
that erode any meaningful relationships
with people in the outside world
I’m tired of not knowing
when I don’t have to feel tired
I’m tired of being
The authoritative sound of the bell
the transient humanistic bond
while you leave seeds of possibilities
and touches of humanity
you leave with a small sense
of fulfillment and satisfaction
that you have made a difference
at the same time
I leave with an unsettled mind
a longing that cannot be fulfilled
and a continual sense of defeat
no arm on my shoulder
no arm around my waist
no smile that will rejuvenate me
for the endless journey ahead
The authoritative sound of the bell
the transient humanistic bond
Briiing!… Briiiiing!!… Briiiiiing!!!
|Uno, Dos, Tres…||Uno, Dos, Tres…|
|Uno, Dos, Tres…||Uno, Dos, Tres…|
Cadence in unison
Walls & razor wire
Murderers, fathers, sons, brothers, husbands, grandfathers & human beings
I sit in the
Of Books on
General Works-Philosophy-Religion-Social Sciences-
Language-Science-Useful Arts-The Arts-Literature-History
Black, white, brown, yellow, red, green, orange…
Tall, short, fat, skinny, young, old…
Gay, straight, women, men…
Sharing & expressing
Knowledge, experiences, thoughts, theories, praxis,
Creativity, artistry, humanity
As my eyes
“Poem 4 the students at the city university of new york who questioned why we need 2 struggle”
Lead me to the
Slaves slash prisoners
Enrolled in the
College program at the
Prison Industry Complex of San Quentin University
The one & only
In the State of California
Professors, scholars, students
From universities near & far
Educate & cultivate
Slaves slash prisoners
Young & old
To learn how
Read & write & pursue
An Associate of Arts Degree
Afforded to us
|Uno, Dos, Tres…||Uno, Dos, Tres…|
|Uno, Dos, Tres…||Uno, Dos, Tres…|
Slaves slash prisoners
Have asked, “What kind of education are we getting?”
Will the education
We are receiving
Ethnic, religious backgrounds & color lines
Will the education
Classism, Racism, Sexism, Hatred, Prejudice & Institutions of violence
That have been
Will the education
To pull ourselves
Out of this environment
Of oppression & dehumanization
That we can
Read & write
Get out of this
A job, cower in gated communities, drive fancy cars, wear designer clothes, rear children
Poster boys, puppets, statistics
Prison industry complex
|Uno, Dos, Tres…||Uno, Dos, Tres…|
|Uno, Dos, Tres…||Uno, Dos, Tres…|
Slaves slash prisoners
Are asking, “Why do we need to struggle?”
The invisible chains
That are rattling
Around our necks
That are weighting
That is sucking
Our lives away
Conformed & accepted & allowed
To dehumanize us
During cell searches
Hundreds of men
Shower in a
Us in cages
A regular size
Us to work
For pennies, less than a dollar or no pay in exchange for privileges
Can profit in
Strip naked, open our mouths, stick out our tongues, lift up our testicles,
bend over, spread our cheeks, cough & lift up our feet
Visiting with our
And so I wonder
If we don’t think critically about our conditions, who will?
If we don’t raise awareness about our lives, who will?
If we don’t fight for our lives, who will?
If we don’t do it now, when?
If we don’t use what we’ve learned to liberate ourselves and others from this physical and mental enslavement, why do we need an education?
Think… Be critical
Take action… Together
Uno, Dos, Tres…
Uno, Dos, Tres…
Uno, Dos, Tres…
Uno, Dos, Tres…