Ok 2012 January : EddyZheng.com

1-31-2003

Chinese new year’s eve. Yard was cancelled due to fog, again. It’s that time of the season. I was called for a visit at 7:30. I wasn’t expecting one. S showed up and we were able to visit for a little over 2 hours. We had great conversations. I vented on her about my sister-in-law and brother. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared my family stuff with her, but it’s too late. She’s cool about it. She said A left her a message. A said that the event will probably be in April. She said they probably couldn’t help Mike with the issue of racial segregation, but they’ll focus on helping Asian prisoners. It’ll be more Asian theme and involvement. I sensed reluctance from A and them to have the other races involved. I’m cool with that. Hopefully things will work out. I need to talk to a face to face so I can get an idea on the theme and her ideas. S told me about her Mom and grandma’s concern about cancer. They had it when were 56 years old. We talked about everything we could think of at the time.

I had a decent lunch. I talked to M briefly. He was surprised I knew his birthday. I received another letter from J. She loves me. CC wrote on a postcard telling me CPF sent the stamps and asked me to write an advocate letter for me.  I’ll do it over the weekend.

I studied statistic. I’m getting it. I hope I can send a lesson out Sunday night.

I’m feeling okay. I pray that Mom’s healthy and happy. May R and P start to treat her with the respect she deserved. May the year of the Goat take me home.

1-30-2003

I did my studies on the statistic after I got up and ate breakfast. I’m making progress. Hopefully I can send a lesson out on Sunday.

I made a big lunch with meat log, top ramen and corn chips. It’s M’s birthday. I was able to send him the food and a handmade card to wish him a happy birthday.

I received a letter from C. She’s feeling much better now and enjoying life. I wrote her back and expressed my appreciation for her friendship.

I got Mom’s letter telling me about the change in P and the way R treats her. I don’t like it, but I can’t do anything right now. I’ll write a letter to them and hint to them to treat Mom better.

I wrote more to J. I told her about my demonstration days and about living her life. There’s a lack of communication between her and her parents. I wonder how our relationship will pan out in 5 years.

I want to be home. Hopefully things will work out and I’ll be getting out of prison this year.

1-29-2003

Finally, I was able to get on the phone and talked to Mom. A answered the phone. He’s getting smarter. I talked to Dad briefly. Mom said she sent three letters out to me along with $200 and some pictures. P lost four thousand on the Super Bowl. Mom vented her frustration with R. Mom told me A and A called 911 after Dad took some rolls of films from them. The police showed up, but R was able to explain the situation. R tried to blame Mom for the incident. She’s tripping. I don’t like her at all, but I can’t say anything negative. I talked to Mom for 22 minutes. She’s bothered by arthritis. I feel for her.

I received a letter from J. she didn’t write from Huntington Beach. It’s great to hear from her. She sent me some puppy stickers. I wrote her a couple of pages telling her about Mom’s situation, but I was pissed off. I decided to tear the pages up and rewrote it. I wrote a couple of pages, but I didn’t send it. I’ll finish it tomorrow.

I wrote a short note to A and thanked her for being a friend to me. I received the stamped copy on the last writ. The judge denied my writ. She said that I didn’t exhaust. I did, but she didn’t look at it thoroughly. I’m pissed about her decision. She’s not being fair. So far she denied all my writs. I have one more writ waiting for her ruling. I don’t know how things will work out for me. I need to win.

I looked at some statistic briefly. I need to get busy. I’ll have to work harder on studying.

May the Gods smile on me and protect me.

1-28-2003

Yard was cancelled due to fog line. I slept, ate and read. I went to library and talked to L briefly. He was expecting me. He looked energized. It’s good to see him.

I received a letter from W. He said he’ll arrange a date to see me. Hopefully he’ll have a draft of the writ on my parole issue. I don’t like his delays, but he’s doing it pro per. I can’t complain for now. If I don’t like what he’s doing, I’ll fire him. I received the stamped copy of the writ on 115 from Court of Appeal. Hopefully I’ll get an order to show cause. I’m counting to win that issue if nothing else.

I finally received my lesson back from Ohio. It took a while for the professor to grade it. I got a B+. I need to get busy with the other lessons.

I wrote a letter to Say and S. I wrote to the lawyer. He’ll be glad to hear from me. I got plenty of magazines to read. I couldn’t get on the phone today because E didn’t have time. I don’t like these people’s attitude. They have no respect for prisoners. They will their punishments.

I got my canteen. I didn’t get any chips. I shouldn’t need to go to the next draw since I got enough food.

T was found guilty on his 115. He got railroaded. He’s made and frustrated, but he doesn’t know how to fight them legally. I’ll try to help him. The Officials are covering their own kind. They’ll violate any rules. Suck is the system. I told Sgt. S and C/O N about it. I talked to C for a while. Hopefully things will work out for me.

May God bless my family and friends and me. G came by to say hi. He gave me a pamphlet on different prayers. God bless me.

1-27-2003

It’s a slow day in creativity. I slept in the morning because I stayed up to read. I ate the leftover food for lunch and dinner. I enjoyed the food.

I received a letter from Mom with 3 photos. She took it with Sis, R, S, Dad and A. She was sick over the Christmas week. I hope she feels better now. I wrote her back and gave her an update. A sent me a postcard from Hawaii. She was filming an infomercial with David Hasslehoff and model Rachael Hunter, kicking it with the celebrities. I wrote her and updated her with my situation.

I turned in early because I felt tired. I did a little exercise in the morning. I tried to get a phone call, but E didn’t do it. I got the winter issue of Fortune News.

1-26-2003

Super bowl Sunday. Raider loss to Tampa Bay 48-21. TB’s way too strong. Usually if I was on the line, I would have a spread and watch the game. There’s also a food sale from the Native Americans. I don’t miss it, but I would like to eat if I can. I was on the yard in the morning. S gave me a fade. It came out nice. I shot the ball a little and jogged a few laps. I took a shower and caught a little cold. I played some Black Jack for fun. I heard the mainline PA call the food sale pick up. I wished my friend would get me some food. I came in and ate a good lunch, then took a nap.

I read the Kung Fu book. I ate chicken patty for dinner. T gave me his. I was full. I wrote a letter to E’s wife and asked her to send me Mom’s letter. I wrote to J to say hi and told him my status. He’ll be surprised to hear from me. I’m sure G will pick up the hint that I don’t want her involve in my case.

I learned three Jujitsu moves tonight. I’ll practice them on the yard, straight arm by opponent, neck and arm and sweep.

I ate some chicken for late snack. It’s delicious. I appreciate the food. It would be good with a Dr. Pepper. I’m full. It’s been a good day.

I hope I’ll get to talk to Mom tomorrow. May the gods bless me and my family.

1-25-2003

Some guy was talking loud in the middle of the night. It woke me up. I had a laugh on some of his jokes and quick response. I went back to sleep after tray pick up. I gave Ma all the Chinese books. I didn’t get to talk to him much. I started on the In Ferno. I don’t understand it completely as I read it. I didn’t feel like studying. I just lay around. I don’t like my routine.I need changes.

P drew me a valentine’s card. Another day is over. I haven’t talk to Mom or gotten a letter from her for a long time. I hope all is well at home.

1-24-2003

It’s cold out, but the fresh air was much needed. I talked to C for a while about my situation. He’s cool. I got to know more about him. He’s not a materialistic person. T came out t the yard. He was happy to see me an be able to tell me his side of the story. I couldn’t believe that M would set him up like that. He said that she has been flirting with him for a while. He had always tried to stay away from her. Finally she got mad because he rejected her and wrote him up. She said that he touched her leg and tried to kiss her. I believe him, but it’s hard to believe she’s that way. I got my canteen. The rest of the day I just kicked it and read. I felt lazy.

Year of the Dragon

Happy year of the Dragon!

 

1-23-2003

“Don’t base your happiness and peace on things changing saying if this happens I’ll be happy. Be thankful everyday no matter where you are.” My friend Liebb told me. It was good seeing him. I’m grateful to gain a great friend through this ordeal. Our friendship will only blossom. The lawyer took care of all my legal issues. I have everything in the courts. May the good spirit have mercy on me and let me win. I have to trust whatever that’ll happen.

S came early this morning. She was waiting for me by the time I got out there. I was in the shower when they called me for a visit. We had some discussions on my situation, the upcoming event, the anecdote in Ad Seg. She went to see D twice. She’s in it for the long haul. I told her I’ll be there to support her. She had to work so she left around 9:30. I appreciate her for coming to see me. She gave my message to Yuri about the event.I received a Sufi card from S with her poem. She’s a good poet.

Mr. K came by to see me. He’s a hypocrite who tried too hard to toot his own horn. He played it off like he’s doing something great. He asked if I had a message for Yuri since he’s going to see her in the event. I don’t trust him so I told him to say hi to her.

I got my board transcript from counselor S. I made a copy and sent it to W. I got a letter from W that as dated 1/3/03. I wrote to my advisor in Ohio about my course. Hopefully I can work things out.

Dongxifeng gave me a poetry book by Bei Dao. He’s been great to me. I went to library to make copies. I had a long day. I read the Chinese novel.

The C/O B doesn’t like to do my legal mail. He tried to avoid it by running pass my cell. He’s  too lazy to log it in the book.

I haven’t received a letter from Mom and sis. I know they love me and think of me. I hope they’re doing well. I love them.

May the Gods keep protecting them. I hope Mike is doing well and come out victorious. May Rico be well also.

1-22-2003

Not much happen today. I finished reading the Kung Fu novel. It was good entertainment. I slept all morning. I did a few sets of exercises in the afternoon. Then I studies Statistic for a while. If I want to finish the course, I’ll have to make some arrangements. I want to talk to Mr. K before I decide whether I’ll quit or continue.

I received my last Harper’s magazine. I don’t think J will subscribe another year for me. I didn’t get any letter. I sent K a birthday wish card.

It’s been a quiet week so far. I’m able to maintain a sense of peace. It’s difficult not to trip about my unproductive time. Things have to change for the better for me.

1-21-2003

It was cold and wet out. I was able to talk to M for an hour. It’s his first time on the yard. His language and thinking were slow. I’m glad that I could lift his spirit up. I want to teach him some yoga so he’ll ripe the benefit. I hope he’ll be all right.

I didn’t do any exercise. I read the Kung Fu novel. I talked to E on the yard. He told me he had received a letter that was addressed to me. After a little investigation, I came to the conclusion that the prison made a huge mistake by sending my letter to his house. He paroled a month or so ago. My mail got forwarded to him accidentally. It’s almost impossible for it to happen. I asked him to have his wife send it to me. The letter was from Mom.

I wasn’t scheduled for library today. I didn’t have anything for the lawyer anyway. I wrote a couple of pages for him. I wrote a letter to Mom just to say hi. I got a rerouted letter from C. He answered my questions on legal representation. He charges $50 an hour for person make 30k a year, $100 for over 30k. I’ll have to think about that. He’s doing it pro bono. I shouldn’t take that for granted. I wrote C to thank him.

I talked to Officer W for a while about different things. He has it made with his job. He has a house, a Mercedes, a regular commute car, a Dell computer with camera and other gadgets. He’s living a good life off the PIC.

The prison is in chaos. People who had done their time and discharged are being kept illegally because the record people are backed up. Instead of doing the work, they delay the processing. San Quentin’s administration is operating under a draconian role, anything goes. People don’t know the illegal practice the prison has. I hope all their violations will catch up with them.

I wanted to do my Statistic, but it’s difficult. I hope all is well for me in the Court of Appeal. May the Gods look out for me.

1-20-2003

It’s MLK’s bday, but nobody’s tripping on its significance. It’s just another day in the hole. I read the Kung Fu novel about China’s first female emperor. I like reading Kung Fu stories with historical background.

M’s on Walk Alone yard, but his name was not on the list. D checked and told me. I went to his cell and explained the situation to him. I had a chance to talk to him for about ten minutes. He sounded slow. It must be the drugs he took before. He said he hasn’t been taking them lately. I told him if it’s necessary, he should take it. I know he feels better after I talked to him. He started to write English, exercise and sleep less. I want to do my best to help him. The dudes in B section rolled him up because he’s J-cat. That’s not right. I’m piss at that.

I wrote to S, A, F and J. I asked S to relate the three themes for the event to the others. I can’t express myself clearly on what I want. I can say it, but don’t know how to write it.

Oh well, I sent a note to Mr. K and asked him to come see me about the course. I don’t think it’s realistic to finish the course on time.

I look forward to hear from Mom and J. May my family and friends be well.

1-19-2003

It was a restless night. I had a couple of dreams. One, I dreamt JL was in the room with me. There was a stair to go up. I remember turning off the light in the room and get ready to go up. I even helped her with putting on her jacket. It then led to something sexual. It’s strange. Why would I be dreaming about her?

The other one Sis, Mom and Dad was talking to me, but really Sis wanted to talk to me alone. Somehow T was tripping that Sis didn’t bring him along. He’s jealous or something. Another strange dream.

My neighbor stayed up talking all morning. I couldn’t get a peaceful sleep. However, my back was hurting from lying down too long. There was yard today. It was freezing outside. I took some laps. I felt better being outside. I did some running, yoga, legs and took some shots of basketball. I got a little sweat. My right shoulder’s rotator cuff is hurting, so I didn’t do upper body exercise. I took a shower in the cold. Everybody thought I was crazy. It felt good.

After I got back to the cell, I ate a hot lunch. My spirit was lifted. Exercise helped. I took a nap, read and had dinner. I didn’t feel like doing anything else. Officer T brought a couple sets of Kung Fu novel by. The library dropped 3 sets of to me and M. I started reading them. I’ll have to decide what to do with my school work.

I wish all the best to my family and friends. I need to get out of prison. Now.

1-18-2003

It’s Saturday. Usually I would take a shower, but I decided not to. I didn’t do anything to warrant a shower. I used the nail clipper only.

Somehow I felt depressed. The thought of cutting everyone loose flashed through my mind. I won’t be able to follow through because I’m such a coward I didn’t do much, but read. I went to sleep around nine o’clock. I didn’t want to deal with anything. I didn’t even write until 1/19.

1-17-2003

Officer D delivered a legal mail from the Sacramento appeal’s office in the morning. I was an appeal on the ICC violation of my rights. It’s denied. All my appeals have been denied. I sent it to my lawyer along with the denial for reconsideration on the transfer writ by Judge A.

I went to the yard and enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air. It was cold, but nice. I walked some laps, talked to D for a while and exercised. I did a quick workout. I need to start getting serious on exercising and be consistent. I was happy when I was informed I had a visit at 12:30.

S came up, but she was 25 minutes late due to late processing. We utilized our time to get the important information exchanged. The time flashed by. She told me Mike was in the hole for a couple of days caused “they” didn’t like him filing lots of appeals. They couldn’t keep him there because it’s illegal. Mike’s giving them the blues. She visited W last Sunday. He expressed that there’s no one to talk to about meaningful ideas and topic. He felt lonely and missed me. I have respect for him and cherished our friendship. She like the article, but have some questions. She’s using her editor’s mind to critique it. She said it could be tighter. She’ll shoot it out to people.

Yuri is meeting with the Sister Warriors about the upcoming event. It’ll be late February. That would be good to get the chant and article going.

I received a letter from Anmol. He sent me some articles. He went back to India for 3 weeks. He’s back today. He sent me a flyer for writing submissions to comply a book on PIC. I’ll think about submitting something. I wrote him back and gave him the latest update.

I didn’t do much all day. I’m thinking about quitting the correspondence course. It’s not realistic to go on. I’m debating it. We’ll see. I hate to give up.

I’ll be sore from the workout tomorrow. May the Gods continue to bless me and my family.

1-16-2003

Again, I didn’t do any studying. I’m not in it. I’ll have to make some adjustments.

I received a letter and tow pictures from L. He’s going to get married this month. It’s good to hear from him. I wrote him back and gave him an update. I got some blank envelopes and paper with 19 stamps from CC. It was processed as regular mail with no letters. I wrote him back and thanked him. I also asked him about M’s situation with a translator.

G came by. He said Rico went to level 3 side of Solano. I don’t’ know why. I wasted another day.

1-15-2003

It’s that time – reflection. It’s the middle of the month and I have not heard from W. If I don’t hear from him next week, I will have to make decisions. I’m being flexible, but I have to remind myself that I’m fighting for my life.

I received a Christmas card form M. She said she’ll write what she’s done with everything. We have a strong relationship. She doesn’t want to come visit me. When she writes, she never goes in detail. That has to do with her busy schedule. She treats me as her friend. I’m accepting whatever she’s willing to give. I want to be a friend to her.

K’s letter with an article arrived. The mail is two weeks late. I wrote her back and asked her to not to swim because it’s dangerous.

I wrote to “The Rattlesnake” journal for a subscription. It’s free to prisoners.

I didn’t do any study. I read the book and I finished. T and V left. They’ll get into other trouble if they don’t change their ways. My neighbor P drew a Thinking of You card. It’s nice.

Officer T brought the 602 on 3044 by. I told him I’m not going to pursue it. He said I must’ve gotten some good news. He’s puzzled on why I changed my mind. I didn’t tell him. I tore the 602 up. I just want to lay low. I have things to do.

I goofed off today. I feel all right. I’m not thinking much. Easy to do. Not productive. May things work out for me soon.

1-14-2003

The yard’s cancelled due to a search in B-section. I stayed up last night so I felt tired. It could’ve been the workout I did yesterday that got me tired. I woke up and wrote a letter to the lawyer. I didn’t get a chance to study Statistic. I might not be able to finish this course.

I received the decision on my 115 writ. Judge A denied it. I’m not happy about that.

As I walked to the library, I gave Liebb the bad news. He’s disappointed because that was on our strongest issue. We’ll have to take it to the Court of Appeal. I read the lawyer’s comments of the last few days. He has been putting work in. He’s dealing with different stresses with his living condition. He also expressed feeling wore down. I don’t blame him. He’s been doing everything by himself. He has sacrificed a lot to help us. I was hot to hear about A talking bad about me behind my back. I know who my friends are. I have faith in my lawyer to get things done. Hopefully the court’s decision will go our way on one of the issues. So far, everything has been rejected and denied.

I wrote to W and gave him an update. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he better try to do his best to help me get out of prison. I’ll have to fire him. I wrote to CC and expressed my desire to popularize the racial segregation issue. I asked him whether he’s willing to represent me pro bono. If not, how much does he charges. It’s premature, but I need to know his feeling so I can make adjustments accordingly.

I’m writing to G because I didn’t want her involve in any of my stuff. I have to get my friends to take care of business for me.

I ran into C on my way back. He made Sergeant. He gained a lot of weight. It was good to see him.

I’m not feeling down. I will win. I need to do an in depth self-evaluation.  I need to know myself and set my goals. Things are going to be all right soon.  I know it. I hope Rico and Mike are doing well. May God continue to look after my friend Liebb. May he be strong and have peace.

1-13-2003

I was able to stay awake all morning to study. I got some work done, but I need to stop up the pace. I still haven’t received my first lesson back.

M shot me another note expressing his family’s shame because of his case. It’s difficult for me to read about situation like that. I talked to a female doctor “Van something burg.” I was coming off as agitated to her. She tried to tell me that she’s doing her job. She can’t change the system. She’s doing what she can. I had to change my tone with her after I caught myself getting excited. She took down M’s name and said she’ll refer my concern to his case doctor. I want to help.

I received a stamped copy of the addendum of the first writ. I got the Third level appeal on legal property back. It’s denied. I haven’t won one yet. It’ll be up to the courts.

I also got a letter from J and a card from M. J’s letter was postmarked 12/19, M’s 12/23. J mentioned that she’s frightened that she can’t meet my high expectations. I think people think I have very high expectations of them to act a certain way. I give out the wrong messages. It’s not the first time someone told me that. I wrote her back and expressed my feeling on that comment. I sent M a winter card and to thank her support. I sent Mei and R birthday cards.

The day went by way too fast. I started to read a novel called “Void Moon.” I like it. It kills time and it’s entertaining.

I pray that Mom and Dad are healthy and happy. May they be well.

1-12-2003

It was overcast outside. I went to yard and cut my hair. S doesn’t know how to cut my hair the way I wanted. So I told him to give me a number two. I have a lot of gray him. I don’t look good with a shaved head, but I have no choice. It’ll grow out.

I didn’t get a visit. I felt disappointed. I talked to T and U on the yard. T’s cool to talk to, but he lies. I shot the basketball around. I didn’t exercise or shower. M shot me a letter thanking me for encouraging him to stay well. He appreciated it. He gave me weifan’s address. I wrote him a three page letter in Chinese. I surprised myself by being able to write that much. I hope I’ll hear from him. I wrote to S and gave her an update. I studied the median, but I couldn’t concentrate. I need to wake up. It’s another lazy day. I send my love to all my friends and family.

1-11-2003

It’s Saturday. I went to sleep after shower and breakfast. I felt sleepy for some reasons. It made my body weak from sleeping too much. I talked to M for a minute. He wrote me a note and told me a little about himself. He’s Weifan’s friend and crime partner. He’s on meds because he tried to kill himself. He said he hear voices and think people are picking on him. I feel sorry for him He has nine more years to do. He doesn’t understand English well. I wrote a two page letter. I couldn’t help but wonder where’s the help from the Asian community. I tried to give him some hope and life. I’ll do what I can to help him.

I study Statistic for a little. I will do more the next couple of days. The day went by faster the second half. I read the poetry book briefly.

No visit today. I wonder what’s up with S and others. May she be well. I need to watch my diet.

1-10-2003

It was showering periodically on the yard. I like the fresh air. It was not that bad. I talked to D for most of the yard. He’s hooked on the video gam Halo and others. He has lots of issues weight, eating and as a parent. I can see how a lot of Americans are living that life style. I noticed that I can analyst things about an individual and help encourage change. S got transferred to Solano. I did about 30 minutes of exercise. It was wet, but I got an okay pump. I had my shirt off. After I showered and got back to the cell, I felt tired.

I wrote a letter to Lt. L concerning the privilege group D issues. He asked to speak to me. I went to his office and met Captain W, a brother. He got involved in all the interpretation of the rule. They don’t want to give me my Walkman. We beat around the bush for a while. L said he never got my appeal. He said he’ll sign it off when he gets it. That wasted 2 hours of my time. I expressed to Captain W that his analogy on why I’m not allowed my Walkman was the same as Bush’s homeland security propaganda. He went on a whole trip about how Bush is doing the right thing. He went way back to something about two brothers fighting in the womb, some religious stuff. He likes to think he knows what he’s talking about. He said he’ll have to pull me out and talk to me about it. Yeah right. I asked for a phone call. L said next week. We’ll see.

I received a stamped copy of the write on 115. I received a ruling from the Ct. of Appeal that good cause was shown to review my denial writ on transfer. That’s good news. It’s the first step. Hopefully I’ll get an OSC (Order to Show Cause.) I also received the Ag’s response on the third writ. In his exhibit I saw some paperwork that I haven’t gotten. It’s from N and the ICC. They want me out of here so they made up things to damage my character. I sent all my stuff to the lawyer with my comments. Hopefully he’ll be able to handle them. We need to hit on these issues.

I didn’t do anything else all night. I took a nap after dinner and read and sang. I feel a little flu coming on from not wearing my shirt during exercise. I did look at my Statistic. I need to start. I also need to write poems and prose. I sent some stuff to M, the Chinese guy. A asked how Mike’s doing. I told him “they” are messing with him and might be in the hole. I shouldn’t have told him that.

I didn’t get regular mail today. I didn’t get a visit from Shelly in three weeks. I miss the visits. I hope she’s al right. I want to know what’s up with the article. I’m turning in early.

May my family be safe and well. I send my love to all my friends.

1-9-2003

I did some stretching after I got up. It felt good. I had to go back to sleep because I felt tired. I did some review of stat. I should be able to start the new lesion tomorrow. I need to hurry. There’s urgency.

I received the AG’s response on the second writ concerning property seized in May. It’s weak. I hope the judge will see that. I wrote down my comments to the lawyer. I got the stamped copy from the Court of Appeal. I received C’s visiting approval. I received the 128G from CSR and ICC. I’ll be in ASU (The Hole) until 3/13 or whenever my parole issue is resolved. I didn’t know that ICC requested a 90 day extension to keep me here. That’s what I wanted, but I would like to be on the mainline.

I received the annual letter from Yuri. She put my name and the Asian prisoner issue in her letter. It was inspiring to read her updates of other political prisoners and prisoners of war. They have it way worse than I. I have so much to learn.

I wrote to Mom and Sis to give them an update. I wrote to Yuri, C, Anmol and KW. I told them what happened with my situation. Hopefully I’ll get a visit from C soon.

I kept busy all night. I ate a big lunch and dinner. Things are moving the way we wanted in some ways. I hope that’s what it’s supposed to happen. I trust the Gods to lead me to the right direction. Much love to all my love ones and friends.

1-8-2003

I’m being complacent. I know it, but I’m not stopping it. Time just slipped by when I allow it to. I wrote a letter to J and sent her a couple of articles. I received an article from Rev. K. I slept, read newspaper, washed my sweater and did some yoga. I didn’t study. G dropped by briefly. He’s arranging a meeting with John Burton about the lifer situation. I need to get creative fast. May things start to look up for me. I need to get out this prison confinement.

Quarter Century Flashback

Tonight I attended San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee’s invitation only inauguration dinner. Some of the noticeable people there were: Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi, Senator Diane Feinstein, Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsome, Mayor Willie Brown, Mayors from Los Angeles and Atlanta, members of the Board of Supervisors and MC Hammer. Though I felt honor to be a part of the celebration, I didn’t feel like I belong there.

As I sat at the table and enjoying the live music being played, I found myself slipped into a zone. I realized today is the 25th anniversary of my crime. How fast time has passed and how long the pain has lasted! My apology to the victims of my crime will not change what had happened. However, I am sorry for the poor decision that I made that inflicted a lifetime of pain and suffering to  the victims. Somehow and someway I hope time will ease the pain for those who are still suffering. I can only continue to pay forward and not take anything for granted.

Life is full of possibilities.

 

1-7-2003

Yard was cancelled due to the need to search in A.C. (Adjustment Center) and East Block. A cop lost a plastic letter opener. It’s stupid.

I was woken up at 2:30 am by the Officers. They had a cell extraction on A (my neighbor.) I was escorted to the hospital to wait in the cage. When I walked through C-section door, the light from the camera was pointed at my face. (The Officers uses video camera to record the process of extraction due to lawsuits filed on them.) I learned more about the extraction process. I went back to my cell around 3:10am. A was sprayed with OSC pepper spray. He was laughing because he got what he wanted – move to East Block. I could smell the pepper spray and it was choking me. I can still smell it now when I get close to the bars. I’ll write about it.

I got my sleep in the morning. I went to the library. I didn’t get my legal mail. I talked to L for a minute and said hi to S, Mr. B and ER. The guardian had to leave early so I only chatted with him a few minutes. I was quiet in the library. I read about DK’s story in the Chronicle newspaper. E told me J was featured in Sunday’s paper. They’re trying to get out too.

I received a letter from E. That’s good. I wrote her back and asked her to write the support letter and sign a petition. I got a letter from LA’s detention ministry. I wrote B a short letter and asked her to come see me. Let’s see how she reacts.

I did a little review on Statistic. I’ll start a new lesson tomorrow. It’s been an exciting day. I want to write, but I’ll wait. I pray that the Court of Appeal will reverse Judge A’s decision on my transfer. The lawyer took care of my writ and gave me advice on what needs to be done.

May I prevail in my fight for freedom and in the First Amendment issues. All glory to the creator. May my family and friends are well.

1-6-2003

My neighbor boarded up his cell from the inside so the Officers can’t open his cell. He wants out of C-section so this is his way out. The Officers attempted to open the door, but couldn’t. Instead of cell extract him, they decided to leave him alone. I think they were sure that he wouldn’t hurt himself. It’s a big gamble, but they don’t care, I guess. He refused his dinner tray. He’ll try to take this stand until they move him or until he changes his mind. I gave him a couple of soups so he won’t go hungry.

I tried studying my course on Statistic, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. I need to get discipline and do it. I’m wasting time.

I sent J some food, but he ended up going back to the mainline at night. Officer J called me to move just to mess with me. He wanted me to get out the hole. I appreciate that. I knew it was a joke.

I received a letter from J dated 12/10. She’s clear about her plan with ZY. She’ll leave him in May and come back to Cali. Her parents are worried because they don’t know her plan. She’ll have a different time leaving, but not as difficult as ZY. They went Shanghai for a few days. J has travelled a bit in China. I didn’t write anymore. I wrote to J for a little. I’ll send the letter to her in the next day or two.  I should get more mail tomorrow.

I’m reading the mystery book by Lisa Garner. I like it.

I ate two fishes tonight courtesy of B. He treats me well these days.

I’m in limbo and don’t know my status in Ad Seg. It’s all about one day at a time. God bless me.

1-5-2003

I’m writing, but I’m not writing how I really feel most of the times. I’m afraid that someone will read it and use it against me. That is the control I allowed “these people” to have over me. Then why do I continue to write? Maybe it’s because I want to record something for memory. Maybe it’s a ritual that helps me past my time. Maybe I just want to act like I’m writing something important. I realized how much we live in lies all the time. Everything can be distorted. Truth could be lies and good could be bad.

My neighbor shared with me what he believes. It’s something I never knew. How much of what he wrote was the truth? I also got him to write down all the different medications people ingest here. I will write about it.

There was fog line so we went to the yard late at around 9:30. It was a beautiful day. It was warm with the sun. I felt sucked up after taking my clothes off. C and I did a quick workout. I was pumped. I wish I could be out there longer.

T hooked up a spread at night. It’s cool. I will eat the leftover in the morning.

I wrote to KW and told him about my writes and what I want from him. I don’t like the way he’s handling my case. I may have to fire him. I’ll wait and see what’s best for me.

I didn’t study. I wanted to, but I couldn’t get motivated. I goofed around and the day is over. I started reading a mystery thriller book. I talked to R about P’s work and my goals to help youth.

I was hoping for a visit, but no luck. I don’t’ feel attach to too many things and people these days. I can do another 10 years in the pen, but my parents can’t. That’s why I want to  push to go home this year. I want to and I’m going to go home this year.

1-4-2003

I thought today is Friday for a minute. It’s easy to lose track of time at times.

I received the lawyer’s notes and responded accordingly. I shot him some parole cases for reference.

I had a Luau by myself. It’s cool. I felt a little sore from yesterday. I wanted to study, but didn’t get to it. I read the Wall Street Journal. It’s cool to know the latest news.

No visit. Change my hair style by combing it back. Changed blankets. Sleeping early.

1-3-2003

The guy three doors down attempted to hang himself. He was saved just on time by an MTA (Medical Technical Assistant) who was passing out medication. If she hadn’t come along, I wonder if he would still be alive. I asked the Officer about his wellbeing. She said he’s fine physically. He’ll need some mental help. The Officers are supposed to check the cells periodically, but they don’t. Usually they’re gone after feeding. Tonight they didn’t even bothered to unlock the bar. The guy is only 23.

I went to the yard for some much needed fresh air. No visit. I walked around to get warm. C came out late. I thought he was transferred. My shoulder hurts so I didn’t want to do pushups. C, S and I did yoga, leg exercises, shoulder exercises and a Brown Eagle. I felt fainted afterward. I had to sit down. It’s been a couple of weeks since I exercised. I showered and caught the cold wind. I felt a fever coming on because my head and body were heated up.

I ate lunch and lay down briefly. I felt better after dinner. I got some mail from legal department. I got copies of my 115 writ. All issues are in the courts now. Let’s hope I’ll win. My lawyer took care of business. I appreciate all his work and encouragement.

G came by to say hi. We didn’t have much to talk. I had plenty to do in the cell. I hope things will work out for me soon.

Hope and faith, personal lies to keep me going. I’m ready for whatever. May the Gods be kind to my friends Mike, Rico and Liebb. Much blessings to my family and friends.

1-2-2003

I heated up the spread T made last night for breakfast. It would’ve been better when it was hot. I took a sinus pill and went to sleep. I work up around twelve and had lunch. I feel better physically. I’m ready to exercise tomorrow.

I looked through my correspondence course and realized that I don’t’ have much time left. I would have to send in two lessons a month if I want to get it done on time. I need to get busy now because there could be many distractions in the coming months. I did some review of previous chapters. I’ll start working on a new one tomorrow

I received a letter and three pictures from Rudy C. I felt pumped after reading the letter. He wants me to work with him to help save the youth’s lives. I’m ready. I like what he’s doing. I’ll fit right in. I wrote him back and sent him my autobiography poem.

I got a letter from D Feinstein. She’s responding to the letter I wrote to her a few months ago. She referred my letter to Gray Davis’ office. Another brush off letter.

I sent a letter to J. I don’t even know if she’s in Beijing right now. Hopefully ZY will give her my letters. Dude’s insecure about his relationship with J. I don’t blame him. I know I will get more holiday letters soon.

B gave me an extra tray for dinner. He’s cool with me now, after he spied on me.

I’m taking things one day at a time. May the earth continue to sustain me.

Freedom is one breath away

Happy new breath all my relations!

It is the beginning of another beautiful year. I’m reminded that this is my fifth annual reflection since I’ve been physically freed from the Prison Industrial Complex and immigration detention. When I reviewed the past four annual reflections, I realized that each passing year has been better than the previous. What a blessing!

As I begin to reflect on all the happenings in 2011, I hold in mind a creed from our national treasure Yuri Kochiyama, “To always keep in mind, that any opportunities, achievement, or happiness I have had, I owe to someone else; to be grateful for whatever has come my way through the aid of another, to repay every kindness, but should such a circumstance not arise, to pass it on to someone else.”

In my professional life, the Community Youth Center of San Francisco (CYC) continues to provide me with the opportunity to service the youth and community as a Project Manager. Besides working with the two violence prevention components of Invention and Street Outreach, I have the privileged to be a part of spearheading a pilot multicultural youth leadership program called the Bayview Youth Advocates (BYA.) BYA aims to empower youth to advocate for themselves, families and community as well as promoting racial harmony. The creation of a CYC branch office in the Bayview district is a proactive action to address racial tension transpired two years ago between African Americans and Asians. The process of establishing service in the historically disenfranchised African American community has been challenging. However, CYC and myself are committed to do our best to contribute in the betterment of the community.

I continue to go into the Department of Juvenile Justice as a contractor with Project IMPACT (Incarcerated Men Putting Away Childish Things) to facilitate workshops on male accountability with incarcerated youth. I have had the pleasure of working with my co-facilitators, who are mostly formerly incarcerated life term prisoners, to utilize our experiences to stop the cycle of incarceration.

My two year appointment by former Mayor Gavin Newsome on the San Francisco Reentry Council (SFRC) concluded. During my term, I believe I was able to maximize my voice to advocate for the currently and formerly incarcerated, especially the often neglected Asian and Pacific Islander population. I learned the intricacy of working with city departments and understood the important existence of the reentry council. Therefore, I reapplied to serve on the reentry council so I can continue to provide input and represent those in need . Mayor Ed Lee appointed me to another two year term on the San Francisco Reentry Council. As the cities and counties across the State implement Governor Brown’s Realignment Plan to decrease the overcrowding prison population, SFRC is way ahead in terms of preparation.

As the co-chair for the Asian Prisoners Support Committee (APSC) http://apscinfo.wordpress.com/ based in Oakland, California, my team and I have been working diligently to improve our existence and services. APSC became a part of Chinese for Affirmative Action’s (CAA) Asian Americans for Civil Rights and Equality (AACRE), which include the Alliance of South Asians Taking Action (ASATA), API Equality, Hyphen Magazine, and the Network on Religion and Justice. This alliance will enable APSC to expand our efforts to raise awareness about the prison industrial complex and raise funds through CAA’s fiscal sponsorship. We attended healthy fairs in San Quentin and Solano State Prisons. We went inside San Quentin whenever we can to meet and brainstorm with APIs to create the curriculum for our cultural competency program. Wecontine to sell and distribute the “Other: An Asian and Pacific Islander Prisoners’ Anthology” and “Letters from the Pen” ‘zines to the public and educational institutions to raise awareness and generate funds. I’m always amazed by the dedication of the members of APSC to volunteer their time and energy in supporting the API incarcerated population.

My public speaking engagements gave me opportunities to connect with over 2,500 people across the nation. I was able to interact with people from all diverse backgrounds and different age groups from City College of San Francisco, Oakland’s Laney Community College, University of California Berkeley, University of California Davis, Arizona State University of Tempe, San Francisco Unified School District, Adult Probation of Alameda, Juvenile Justice Department of San Leandro, churches, and Community Based Organizations in the Bay Area. My story of transformation, redemption and successful reentry created space for me to engage in dialogues with people in addressing the issues of school to prison pipeline, Prison Industrial Complex and deportation.

Politically, it was an honor for me to be a part of the Run Ed Run campaign in the city of San Francisco. We were able to successfully drafted Mayor Ed Lee to run for Mayor. With support from members of the community, we were able to make history by electing the first ever Chinese American Mayor.

I join the 16 weeks tele-course Peace Ambassador Training with renowned social healer James O’Dea and over a dozen of the top peace builders internationally. The intention is that participants will be deeply empowered in the coming months to become powerful peacemakers in their lives, homes and communities, as well as to become certified Peace Ambassadors for The Shift Network, playing a healing role in its global programs for the Summer of Peace 2012. This training has 5 pillars: Peace Within, Healing Personal and Collective Wounds, Communicating Peace, Mastering Systems Change, and Activating and Organizing for Peace. I look forward to cultivate the knowledge of peace and share them with others.

I was humble to receive two Community Service Awards from Chinatown Community Development Center of San Francisco and Project IMPACT of Stockton.

The beautiful and talented Joy Liu from Swash Design Studio updated my website www.eddyzheng.com. I started sharing the journal that I kept during my 11 months of solitary confinement in 2002 and 2003. Please visit my website.

Ben Wang, who is the filmmaker for the Richard Aoki documentary, started the documentary project “Breathin’ The Eddy Zheng Story.” We were able to reach our online fund raising goal through http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1218354395/breathin-the-eddy-zheng-story. Foundations and individuals from the community donated generously to the project.

I submitted a 5 minute video for the White House Initiative on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders’ “What’s Your Story” Video and Essay challenge. Out of 200 videos submitted, I made it to the top 20. If my video makes it to the top ten, it will be put on the White House website for public voting. The top winners of that voting will be invited to share their stories in person at the White House. I hope I will be one of those people.

As for my immigration status, there is a glimmer of hope in my request for a waiver of deportation (called the § 212(c) waiver) since my last hearing. On May 6, 2011, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled in a published precedent decision that I deserve a second chance to stay legally in the United States. The Court was reviewing the prior decision of the Board of Immigration Appeals (BIA) which had found I should be deported to China because of my convictions at age 16. The Ninth Circuit determined that the BIA decision against me was incorrect and incomplete, because it failed to consider one of the most important factors in my case – my value to the community. In the meantime, my case is back in front of the Immigration Judge. I’m waiting for a new merits hearing so I can demonstrate to the court that I’m worthy of getting my permanent legal residency back. While the court goes through its legal process, I’m still a participant in Immigration Customs and Enforcement’s (ICE) Intensive Supervision Appearance Program (ISAP.) I have to report to ISAP office once every two weeks, stay home once a week for a home visit and subject to voice recognition once a month. Also, I have to report to the ICE office once every six months. Though I dislike that hassles of supervision, it beats being locked up.

Life is good. As I embrace the year of 2012, I continue to count my blessings and be mindful of those who are less fortunate. I can never become who I am and be where I am at without the unending support from my family, friends and community. I’m always grateful and encouraged by your presence in my life. I implore you hold my actions accountable so I may learn to improve my shortcomings.

Some of the goals I have for this year are: take better care of my mental and physical health, prioritize my needs versus wants, continue to focus on multicultural youth leadership programs and promote racial harmony, be more organized so I may do more self development, staff development, relationship building with CBOs and communities nationally, listen more and talk less, make an effort to stay connected with friends, keep cultivating compassion for self and others.

Freedom is one breath away! It’s up to you to discover what freedom means to you. Please remember to appreciate the breath that is sustaining your beautiful life.

Happy new breath! Happy new day! Happy year of the Dragon!

1-1-2003

I stayed up to ring in the New Year. I thought about my family and friends. The building was lively before the clock strikes midnight. Guys were singing, yelling and banging. It’s just another day of lockdown.

I slept all morning. Then I finished reading the book by Gao. I’m at the end of my cold. My sinus is partially blocked.

I wrote to S and talked about love and Mike. I only scratched the surface fo the topics. I’ll talk more in person.

I wrote to S a short letter to say hi. I sent the two letters I wrote two days ago.

Dinner was garbage. The cop said he felt ashamed to serve it to us. Chicken chucks with mashed potatoes, salad, spinach, bread, chocolate milk and watery pudding.

I wrote a couple of pages to J. I’ll send it out when I hear from her again. I don’t know where she is yet.

T made a spread around 9 o’clock. He sent it to me in a bag without flattening it out. It’s stuck outside my door. I’m hungry too. I’m staying up to wait for the Officer to give it to me.

New Year’s day. Another day. May the year gets me out of prison. I want to be released.