Tired

Briiing!… Briiiiing!!… Briiiiiing!!!

The authoritative sound of the bell
Dis-con-nects
the transient humanistic bond

like well-dosed sheep in experimental labs
we herd ourselves up the stairs
the two flights of concrete steps
that lead me to another struggle
another reality check

to savor every moment of that precious
censored
human connection
with
the teaching assistants
I drag my feet
and plant each step
mindfully and instinctively
to resist the drug of conformity
holding on to every second of our exchanges
their words
their smile
my hopes
my dream

The authoritative sound of the bell
Dis-con-nects
the transient humanistic bond

“I’m tired.” She says to her comrade
as she slowly climbs the stairs
feet tired as her mind now
only a few more steps
and she will be closer to the comfort of her home

she’s tired…

it has been a long day
she went to
her classes
her job
and drove straight
to tutor
the men in the Pen
she hasn’t had time to rest
she hasn’t had time to eat
she hasn’t had time for herself
to breathe mindfully

she’s tired…

her comrade acknowledges her
with a moonlighting smile that she knows will help
rejuvenate her
long enough
for the journey ahead
her comrade puts
her arm around her shoulder
she wraps her arm around her comrade’s waist
the flashes of their generous smile
embrace each other
for they know
before the long drive home
they have to walk among the shadows
of confined spirits
through the gauntlet of checkpoints
leave behind the microcosm of a gated community
brace the star filled night sky
and the awakening cold wind from the bay

The authoritative sound of the bell
Dis-con-nects
the transient humanistic bond

I’m tired…

I’m tired of hearing the bells
that
dis hyphen con hyphen nects me
from humanity
I’m tired of the same ritual of
walking up those steps of reality checks
that remind me of
my inhumanity
I’m tired of the hesitation I feel
when I ponder whether I should
leave in quick steps or stay back to shuffle my feet
as we wait by the area where we will part ways
I’m tired of the panopticon effect that is
indoctrinated in me by the Dis-con-nector
contemplating the threats of retaliation
upon myself and others
if I lingered a few seconds too long

I’m tired of the feeling of vulnerability
that shakes my defense mechanism
I’m tired of knowing that while you’re
floating across the bridge of incandescence
heading to the comfort of your homes
I’m already confined in my assigned cage
that is home
I’m tired of the conditions
that erode any meaningful relationships
with people in the outside world
I’m tired of not knowing
when I don’t have to feel tired
anymore
I’m tired of being
imprisoned

I’m tired…

The authoritative sound of the bell
Dis-con-nects
the transient humanistic bond

while you leave seeds of possibilities
and touches of humanity
you leave with a small sense
of fulfillment and satisfaction
that you have made a difference

at the same time
I leave with an unsettled mind
a longing that cannot be fulfilled
and a continual sense of defeat
no arm on my shoulder
no arm around my waist
no smile that will rejuvenate me
for the endless journey ahead

The authoritative sound of the bell
Dis-con-nects
the transient humanistic bond

Briiing!… Briiiiing!!… Briiiiiing!!!

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